WHY DIDN'T HE CALL

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Ok, I have already posted about how my boyfriend spent x'mas with me but is now out of town for a whole week for New Years. Last night I didn't receive a call from him during the day until I called him. We talked around 1pm then I didnt get a call again so at around 9:30pm I called him, and he called me right back. I was insulted to say the least that he didnt even call me during the day. Then he calls me and we talk until like 9:52 and he says let me call you right back at 10 (my time) 9 (his time) when my minutes start back. He called me and we talked briefly but he said he was getting some food. THen he and I got into it about how his niece who is 17 has another 18 year old girl spending the night tonight. "Why when he knows how already jealous I am did he even have to tell me that" So we got into it (a very short argument) and he said "I am going to eat this food then I'll call you back. THis was around 10:20 pm. He never called me back. I personally think that he lied and did not go back to be with his family but with another girl In Texas. I think he bought her food (just like he used to do when he first met me) and He and her spent the night together.

See he dumped me then took me back, the night before he went to Texas. He always dumps me or threatens to dump me when I bring up my problems, and want to discuss them with him. He says that I'm the reason the relationship is failing, its all my fault. Now I dont need advice on that because I now that since he has been with me for a year and almost 6 months that by now he should know how to help nurture my insecuritys at least a little bit. SO in actuallity its both of our faults. And he is not doing me a favor by staying with me if he is only going to treat me like trash.

 

So anyhow, I think that he was trying to dump me to be free for New Years, then felt bad about it so he didnt do it, (to keep me from doing something on newyears......I think he has a female friend in Texas and couldnt call me back because he was with her. What do you guys think is that possible or am i being paranoid.

 

 

 

I also think that he told me about this other girl staying with his family to make me jealous. He kept saying how Samoan she looked, like I wanted to hear that. I said "Is she pretty" he says "Well she's not ugly"

I mean really how the hell is that going to help me knowing that he is that far away and there are other women in the house "samoan". I think he is being like this on purpose and to be honest...i'm getting real sick of it.

See he is forgetting, that while he is out of town to me, I'm also out of town to him, and if he keeps this up I'm going to have to pull a few tricks of my own. I'm fed up with this. He's too comfortable in our relationship so he keeps putting me second. Then he claims he's doing the best he can, "well I guess that will explain why he's 29 and never been married) Huh?

[tough_girl]

Hi... I did write in my previous post that I'm not in the right state of mind to respond to any of the problems here but I just can't bear to let you be used by another guy.

 

So, here's my point of view.

The first thing I think is that you need to follow your heart. Do whatever it tells you do. However I know that when we're disturbed, we can't think right.

So, if you're in the right frame of mind, do as it tells you but if you're not look at our replies and carry out the one you feel is best for you.

 

I think that either this guy wants you to get jealous or he really has a girl in Texas. Or maybe both. From the way you wrote this, I could tell that you don't really like and trust this guy anymore.

 

Why don't you tell me what would you think of a guy if he dumps and take you back on the same day? You don't seem to trust and love this guy by the way you describe him. In a relationship where there is no trust and love, it will not thrive.

 

A man that makes you jealous instead of claming you is not a description of a good friend, let alone a boyfriend. That's all I can say, so do whatever you think is right for you. Dump him or make him jealous or whatever as long as it isn't a crime, do it.

 

I hope this helped.

[akatoro]

Hey, Sweetypie.

 

I get the sad impression that your boyfriend is trying to get you jealous in order for you to be hurt and thus angry at him. And sorry to be harsh, but that would give him a reason to break up with you. (it might not be a good enough reason for you and me, but who knows..)

 

Your boyfriend/girlfriend is supposed to be your best friend and not use such cheap tricks on you! And if the time came when someone broke up with me just to get back together again after a short while, I would have a real hard time trusting that person. I got the impression that he broke it up with you earlier due to your jealousy, him saying that it was too much? If that is the case then it was a breach of trust in my humble opinion. Instead one should try to help the loved one out and try to sort the problems out. It will never happen over night! And it's hurting the one who is jealous to have such constant thoughts. You wouldn't give up on your boyfriend if he came to find he had some illness, would you?

- Jealousy is an illness in my opinion. Unfortunately I have a case of that very same illness and I know how hard it is to get through. I was also dumped instead of helped, even when I sought professional help for it.

 

Am I rambling too much again?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that he is the one at fault, jealousy or not. He shouldn't feed your jealousy in such a rotten way. If he can't be your emotional support then what can he be? A relationship is built on emotions for God's sake.

 

And I am sorry if I sound harsh and even mean in this note. I just don't know what to make of that guy. If you have any other questions regarding this note, perhaps you could send a pm or such. I will however, be speccing this thread from now on. Good luck, Sweetypie. I am sorry that I could not console you.

[Kodos]

He is out of town and has other things to do than worry about you all day, so don't be angry that he can't talk all the time. That is very unfair.

 

He did not bring the girl along with him, so don't get angry at him for her being there. He is probably being a jerk because you are making such a big deal of it. You are trying to control him when he isn't even near you.

 

If you two have had so many ups and downs, it might be time to decide if this is a healthy relationship. If he was at the point that he wanted to break up with you a few days ago, then things aren't going well. Honestly, it doesn't sound like either of you have any respect for each other.

 

BTW what does it matter that he has never been married? It is better to wait for the right person then to jump into something you are not ready for. It sounds like you were just looking for a cheap shot.

[akatoro]

Perhaps you are right, Kodos, regarding what you said about him acting like a jerk due to certain circumstances. I do not believe that Sweetypie is trying to control him, though.

 

Jealousy is, to put it roughly, an emotional handicap. And from what I see he's not even trying to help her. Instead he is, as said, acting like a jerk. Nothing good comes out of this because it's just an infamous downward spiral.

 

Many people say that jealousy is bad and that they'd break it off with one who was "cursed" with it. They also say that jealousy is the lack of ability to trust someone and thus the one who is jealous is trying to control the other. I do not think that it is so. It could just as well exist due to lack of self-esteem. And the fact that Sweetypie's bf once broke it off after having been out of town gives her the full right to be nervous and worried. The breakup was a breach of trust and now things are looking gloomy again so wouldn't you be worried? I would. He is after all her boyfriend.

[BrandonBo]

hoeny u need to get rid of this guy he treats u like *BEEP* and those kinda guys piss me off just get rid of this guy and find a new guy go to a new years party and find a good ugy thats my advice good luck!!!

[sueblue]

Hi There,

 

I had the same thing happen to me. Not the girl over thing but thet breaking up thing ever time I wanted to talk. Heres the deal it's just my opinion . When the person that loves you threatens the relationship by breaking up with you that is a RED FLAG! It's a sick form of control. If he knows how to pull your strings than he will and it sounds like he has. Don't let this guy think he can say or do anything just because he's mad or upset with you. Think to yourself if your friend told you this story what would you tell her to do? Love is an emotion that can blind people but don't let it take away the things you need in order to feel good about yourself. If he tells you there is another girl there think to yourself and say if someone truly cared about me and knew I was a little insecure about this they would not blame me or threaten me but, try to understand and help me understand they mean nothing to them. Just a thought I really don't want to see anyone hurt the way I was.Take Care.