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Feelings hurt by a friend...


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My friend J is engaged, to a guy I introduced her to this past Feb. I tried from December of last year to set them up. Now they are planning a wedding, and expecting a baby.

 

Prior to this, I tried to be a supportive friend, and help her through a toxic relationship, and a toxic breakup. Her own words, I was her only friend that didnt try and push her into anything she didnt want to do, and I didnt pass judgement on her.

 

When my friend J first got engaged, I was joking her and said "I'm in the wedding party?" she replied, "Of course" A few days later I told her, it was ok if I wasnt I didnt want her to feel pressured to put me in the wedding party. The girl has a lot of friends that she has known a lot longer than me. But she told me no, she wanted me in her wedding party. That if it werent for me being there for her and helping her, none of this would be possible.

 

I havent really talked to her in a few weeks, so I text her and asked if she picked out the bridesmaids dresses?

 

She replied yes, and that she chose 3 girls that she has known the longest to be in the bridal party, I asked if I was still included. And she text back, no I wasnt, and she was so sorry.

 

Now her fiance, is pretty good friends with my ex. I told her it wouldnt be awkward for me to in the wedding party with my ex. Because its their day. We would have to put our differences aside for their day.

 

I have no problem with his friend at all. But honestly I am not sure if my ex would be in the groomsmen or not. I havent really talked to her about stuff.

 

anyways it kinda hurts....

 

Do I have a right to be upset?

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I think you should be grateful..you don't have to spend the money that usually comes with being a member of the wedding party. I will also say that you introduced them in February and they are already engaged...this is after she had a toxic relationship and breakup. Bet Mr. February is a rebound and it sounds like this is a shotgun wedding (pregnant thereforeee getting married). If I were you, I would be happy not to have to be part of this charade!

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I think you should be grateful..you don't have to spend the money that usually comes with being a member of the wedding party. I will also say that you introduced them in February and they are already engaged...this is after she had a toxic relationship and breakup. Bet Mr. February is a rebound and it sounds like this is a shotgun wedding (pregnant thereforeee getting married). If I were you, I would be happy not to have to be part of this charade!

 

'Shotgun wedding' ha ha ha.Anyhow some people can be so ungrateful unless she secretly resents you for setting them up in the first place.Everything seems to be happening very quickly from February to now.

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wow, that is cold!!!!!!!!!! i would be soooo pissed! and to be told by text message! what a low life coward. ewwwww.....

 

but like CAD says - look at the upshot - you don't have to pay $$$$ for dresses, the parties, the gifts, etc..... it's a lot of money - i hear the average bridesmaid pays $1000 per wedding she is in! this way, all you have to do is get her a $30 waffle maker, and you are done. she could have been nice and offered you a different position, or let you do a reading at the church or something. now, just show up when you feel like, and don't when you don't.

 

she sounds like she would be a bridezilla anyways.

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Thats what I'm saying: my own best friend didn't make me her bridesmaid (the husband the reason, I'm guessing-- although her reason was that I didn't have a lot of money at the time, something that was true). My family was she didn't make you the bridesmaid!! !! But I decided that I had two choices: get upset, or get over it. I was secretly kind of glad that I wasn't the one spending all the money, either...I was a recent college grad.

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Okay, while I agree with everyone about how you should feel lucky and grateful not to be in the wedding, I really understand where you're coming from. It's easy to feel hurt when someone you thought was your close friend isn't as close as you thought.

 

On the other hand, maybe you should take thiat as a sign that you shouldn't invest as much time or energy into your friendship-not because you don't care-but because your friend sounds selfish and self-centered and clearly makes promises she doesn't keep. If she wasn't planning to have you in the wedding party after all, she should have called you at the very least. Hearing that you're not going to be a part of her special day over text message is especially irritating.

 

Be thankful that you learned where you stand in the friendship without spending the money (as was said earlier), the time, and the energy on this girl ...

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Thank you all very much for your advice...

 

I am kinda grateful I dont have to pay for a bridesmaids dress...But still also hurt she didnt tell me when she changed her mind. Its been a few days and she hasnt even tried to call me or anything...

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