Confused about ex and her new lifestyle!!!

[pitcher]

Hey all,

 

Here is my situation. Me and my ex girlfriend had been dating almost 5 years when we broke up. and here is the reason. We had planned on getting engaged very soon even though she has been wanting it the past 2 years but we both were not ready, even though she would not admit it. anyways she was living with me and she met a new girl who had just moved in town and was looking for a roomate so she moved in with her because well she did not like the fact we lived together without being married. I got upset not because she moved out but because she made all the plans without discussing it with me, and she was getting screwed in the lease and all that. well that led to a small fight and she ofcourse said even though she moved out she still wants to continue seeing me but I knew what road she was headed down the party road. I am 28 she is 26 and she started having fun on our break. she met the guy who is 21 years old. He has flunked out of school 3 times he has been arrested 5 times 3 times for DUI . he is known in the drug seen here in town, he doesn't get along with his family nor do they with him. he lives in an old beat up traler drives an old beat up truck that is falling apart, he is not attracktive and he has one of the worst reputations in town. I say all of that because I am the complete opposite that he is. She has now been dating him for 2 months and she is basically living with him. they live down the street from eachother, he has no job no goals but yet he is taking her out all the time doing fun things while everyone else is out working, he lies to her and she knows how he is but continues in it.

 

She has kept in contact for the most part and even mentioned about 1 month ago that she might possibly want to get back together but then a couple of weeks later she wanted no part of it ths was after about 10 text messages one night talking about how depressed she was and all that stuff, then called to apologize the next morning. She is hanging around older friens, way older except him, they dont hang around people their age, and she does not go around her old friends to often.

 

When we were together we were remodeling a house, buying things for the house doing adult things now she has quit grad school since all of this and has no goals.

 

What do I do, Do I have a chance of getting her back and if so How?

[wheezy84]

Of course there are no fixed answers to what you are asking. But in my opinion, I would let her continue as she is, and I would not answer any of her calls or texts anymore for now. I would go clear my head and do something productive, give it time. And then when I can think clearly, I'll ask myself, do I want to be with her.

She might or might not come back to you. If she does, she would have realized what she was doing (as you gave her space to) and you might or might not have wanted her back.

If she doesn't, then you know for a fact she's losing out and that's her problem now. And you will have to learn how to move on!

 

There's my two pennies worth anyway. Good luck!

[pitcher]

she has done this one other time but it only lasted about a month and it was with a loser as well, of course we were on a break up then as well but she always resorts to losers instead of someone better which I would but wouldnt have as much of a problem with that. isit self esteem?????

[thejigsup]

Have you ever thought that even though she says the opposite, she may actually be afraid of marriage? That may be why she broke up with you and went with the loser. He will make no marriage or planning demands on her. She has to learn to say she wants no part of marriage yet, and you may have to say that you are cool with that.

[pitcher]

well she had mentioned that to one of our friends before the break up so I did not bring it up anymore. this guy is occupying her time with fun stuff but there is no productivity by either one of them. its all play and she has let go of all she has worked for for the past 5 years or so. she has given me 4-6 reasons why we shouldn't be together and she continues to apologize and wish me luck in whatever I do, but its over and over I mean if you want to be away from someone and have nothing to do with them wouldn't you leave them alone, she emailed me with her myspace log in info , which I never had while we dated(I did not want it ) but now she has given it to me to look at something and she said she would change it but she hasn't. she deletes my e-mails until I changed to password, what are these signs???

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Has she ever gone for counselling? You said she ran after the bad boy one other time as well. When you were with her, did she ever have periods of time when she was really depressed and other periods of time when she was doing very reckless things?

[pitcher]

Yes several years back, My question is is she doing this to get to me and really wants me back or is this the lifestyle she wants, I mean we dated for 5 years. There is no goals, no fture nothing in this and she knows this she talks about him bad all the time and knows that everyone in town knows how he is, Our reputations are the complete opposite

[deang]

I think she's reacting to a stressful situation and I think she's trying to find herself. I do the same thing when I have a stressful breakup. I try things and do things that I think I might like but after awhile maybe a few months even I go back to who I normally am...I think it's a stress reaction to the breakup and that she'll eventually settle back to being close to the person you knew.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is not about you...this is about her. It sounds to me like she has emotional problems. I asked you if she has gone through periods of depression and then reckless behaviour because I am wondering about bipolar disorder which results in people behaving very recklessly when they are in the "manic" phase of the disorder. Only someone with training can figure that out for sure. At any rate, that is not your problem...the bottom line is that her behaviour is not about you...it is about her own issues.

[Chris777]

same happened to me. After the second time it happened we got back together and moved out together then it happened again and this is where I am now. If you're willing to take a risk with this girl then go ahead and go for it later on but chances are this will happen again.