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3rd times a charm, had to let him go


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So I am new here and have been reading all your posts for a while. You all have really helped me with the decision that i made this last weekend which was to no longer allow myself to be treated like crap, by someone who is supposed to "care" about me.


Long story short, got out of a 15 year relationship (married for just over one!) & reconnected with an old friend. We start seeing each other, things are great, treats me like a princess & in turn I cannot do enough for him. This guy rocks my world & I am so very much in love with him. This is how things are for a year and about 3 mo. He resored my faith that there were good men out there & that it could happen to me.


Sooooo, why am I here? One day out of the blue, we have plans. No call, no show, no text, no return call. This goes on for days & im going between worried & po'ed. Finally comes around & tells me his dad was having surgery & things were crazy. Said there was no excuse for not taking 2 min to text me & that he was sorry. I didn't make a huge deal about it, felt like I learned something new about his personality, told him how I felt about that & let it go.


Then about a month later, it happened again. Afer a few days, I wrote him a nice little "thank you" letter for choosing the cowards way out of breaking up with me & that I would have expected him to atleast have the balls to tell me instead of just ignoring me away. About three days after that I get a text from him, he loves me & I am the best thing that has ever happened to him etc... Text him back "then why do you keep leaving me?" Nothing for 3 more days then another "I love you" from him. Send him back the same reply, three days later another text & I don't respond & he blows up my phone with calls and texts. So I really let him have it, whats he gonna do?? Ignore me??? So he wants to talk about it face to face, which is fine with me I don't like the whole texting emotional stuff anyway. So, we meet up, hang out talk & end up having a great day he says he will never do that again & will I please call him. I call him as a show of good faith & see whats up for the weekend & he wants to get together last sat (his b-day was this last tues). Sat comes around & you guessed it, no call, no show, no text, no answer no return call. I'm fit to be tied. It's a total charlie brown moment! I totally just got Cloonyed!


So thats it. Im done. I pack up his present, fedex it to his office w/ a note saying bascially here's your present, didn't have the heart to return it again (returned it the last time he ditched me then bought it again!), if you don't like it heres' the receipt, don't bother calling I won't respond. I let him know its on its way, he asks me to call him please & of course the answer from me is "Im not welcome in your life, I don't know what else there could be to discuss". So what the heck to I do now!? Got my heart broken once a month for the past 3 months & I still miss him. I am shocked at my own boundless stupidity & that I gave him the opportunity to do this to me yet again. I think he's really gone this time which just kills me & yet weirdly at the same time, I don't care b/c this guy is NOT my sweetie. I don't know where he went, but I really miss the good one. I had an amazing 15 months & a brutal 3 after that.


So im a little gun shy & bitter. One part of me says "f" him and go out, then reality hits & I really don't want to. I may need to re-evaluate the men I allow into my life & just take some time & be alone. Anyone else been hit like this. I gotta tell ya, it really stings.

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When people do these kind of weird disappearing acts there is almost always more to the story. The top two possibilities that come to mind are he has someone else now he hasn't told you about and must go incognito when she's around/in town/whatever, or he has some kind of serious drinking or drug problem where he goes on a bender/lost weekend.


If its another woman, i suspect it is a woman with some kind of circumstance he is working around. Maybe she's from out of town and shows up and stays at his place when she's here. Or maybe she's married and they can only get together when her husband is out of town, but when they do, they spend the entire time together.


Regardless, good riddance! that is not normal behavior at all, and i can almost guarantee there is much more to that story than he is telling you.

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I agree with BeStrongBeHappy. The one-off thing he claimed was due to his father (that story seems a bit doubtful considering his consequent behaviour), would have been understandable, although definitely inconsiderate that he didn't contact you for days. If it's not normal to go for contact without days, and you have plans like that, to not hear anything is incredibly worrying. You saw the best in him and gave him a few more chances, which any woman in love would do. I'm sorry that it's turned out this way for you, but breaking up with him was definitely the right thing to do, and it's good that you have the self respect not to put up with that kind of behaviour. Some men can seem like total princes when you first know them and treat you like a princess and keep it up for a while, and then just treat you like crap. It sucks.

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This has happened to me. I don't know about him having a wife or anything, so I won't even suggest that. But maybe he seriously just has ISSUES. My guy disappeared for about two weeks, then comes back as if nothing happened. We broke up 2 times and now we're in this really crappy place where we're neither together nor broken up. It's confusing and it makes me feel bad.


I would suggest sticking with your decision to be out of his life When you come back to him, he's gonna be the same... these behaviors don't change! I find it really rude that he begged for you back, made plans, then ditched. What the heck? He has problems.


I know how it feels to miss the "old" them... my guy was soo sweet in the beginning (I guess it's all in the art of wooing me in) and now he feels like he can just ditch me anytime he wants?!


I feel like a hypocrite though, because I have not yet found the strength to leave him for good. I have stuck around & am still trying to work things out.


It's awful..

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Thanks you guys! I think you all are so right, there is obviously something up. To bad he couldn't just tell me that. Probably wanted to just string me along in case whatever he's doing doesn't work out. Yes, it is incredibly rude behavior. We had been friends for over 12 years and he has always been so blunt and honest that I never saw this kind of behavior coming. Oh well. Water under the bridge now! Last thing I want is to be someone's "second" choice!

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