My first post... and a desperate one.

[imdyinginside]

So I've resigned from my job. The atmosphere of work has got to me and I've become depressed and have had suicideal thoughts. I miss being close to the person I was seeing, and the fact that I worked with her has made it harder. Even though we haven't had any contact since I've been off I still feel like I was in love with her and I'm torturing myself about how I messed things up.

 

A couple of years ago I messed up big time, and I got into alot of debt. I moved away, and with my mums help I got back on my feet and am now living in a shared house. Ever since though she hasn't trusted me to look after myself and working with her made things worse. I understand why she dosen't trust me, but I can't help but feel that I'm fighting to win the trust of something that can't be won back. I want to be the son that she can be proud of, but she compares me too my sister (who has a house, a car, and a steady boyfriend) and I simply can't match up in anyway.

 

I just want to go away and not come back, start afresh somewhere where no one knows me and I can just be who I want to be. I feel sad all the time about how things are and I wonder if anyone would actually miss me if I wasn't here. I've even looked at some websites about ways to hurt myself, but the logical part of my brain holds on the fact that it's only temporary and will pass. So now I've got 4 weeks to find a job before I'm unemployed, and I just seem to be so alone because no one is there to support me.

 

This isn't who I am, I come accross as really confident to those that know me but the truth is that I'm really sensitive and I just feel numb inside, like no one really wants to know how I feel or even ant to listen. I'm afraid that what my step father told me is true, that I'll be alone forever, and that I'll never hold down a relationship. Am I such a bad person? What have I done in past lives to deserve having this put upon me? I don't know.

 

Sorry to make my first post so bleak, but I've just found this forum and it seemed like a gppd place to just let it all out.

[evice]

First of all, parents are like that sometimes. I think they think if they tell you these things, it'll motivate you to to better. I wouldn't take it too seriousely. I know it's easier said than done, but try anyways.

Second, they will miss you! So don't do anything stupid.

Thirdly, focus on getting another job and try to put all the emotional stuff out of your mind, at least until you get one. Once, again easier said than done, but try anyways.

Finally, tell your friends what you're going through. They will be your support system, if they are your real friends.

 

Sometimes, in order to go through these hard emotional times, you need to prioratize.

 

Hope it helps you.