When the ex gets NASTY!

[SadHatter]

Well, my ex-girlfriend got really nasty lately towards me and it really has helped me to truly see what kind of a person she is.

 

She broke up with me in January and we tried the whole "friends" thing for about three months. During this time, she kept telling me of all of her sexual exploits with other guys, which was killing. She'd call me every day, it seemed like she wanted all of the benefits of an emotional relationship with me, whilst getting all of the benefits of new and exciting sexual relationships with other guys. I was her first sexual partner, and within about three months of us breaking up, she'd slept with about 3 different guys - and even still wanted to sleep with me.

 

She's 18, I'm 25. We'd been together for two years. Big age gap, I know, but she looked and acted much more mature, until about Christmas time, when she seemed to become a whole new person - selfish, manipulative, materalistic, shallow. I hated it. It was like the person I knew died.

 

When we were together, she was great and we never argued, were so close, best relationship I'd ever had (and I've had a few!).

 

At the beginning of May, we decided to have two months apart, with no contact, mainly so I could get my head straight, with the intention we could then possibly become friends. She told me we'd talk at the end of June. During the 8 weeks 'no contact', she contacted me a couple of times, innoucuous things like she'd seen my ex-gf (my gf before her) out in a bar, this kind of thing - I ignored it.

 

Last week, she contacted me and asked me if she could come and get her jacket that she'd left at my house and had been here for over a year! She said she'd be round in 10 minutes to pick it up.

 

She turned up driving - she hadn't been driving when we were together. She said she'd passed her driving test yesterday, and I said well done. She said she wanted to get the jacket as she wanted to wear it to a party she was going to that night. She hadn't even started getting ready, and said she was meeting her friends in 15 minutes. It made me think how strange it was that she suddenly decided she wanted to wear a jacket that had been here for over a year, and that she had decided to drive out of her way to get it when she only had 15 minutes to get ready (it would take her that long just to drive back to her house). I wondered maybe if it was just to show off she'd started driving - funny how the day after she passes her driving test she decides she wants the jacket back.

 

We talked for about 5 minutes, I said I was fine, she said she's happier than she's been for a long time (nice of her to say that hey!). I said I was surprised we'd managed to go 8 weeks 'no contact', and she replied, "I've found it easy to be honest....I'm just over it all to be honest. You seem to look back with fondness, whereas I look back and think breaking up with you was the best thing I've ever done!". How lovely! I just said, "right ok, thanks for that" in a sarcastic tone. What kind of a girl has she become! Even if she thought it (and I don't see why she would, I gave her everything and even her parents told me I was the best boyfriend she'd ever had), is there any need to say it?! It's just being spiteful and hurtful. She then started saying she was going to Australia in October and then Costa Rica (we live in England), and then France, and would basically be travelling for the whole year, which is her 'gap year' before she goes to uni.

 

During the 5-minute conversation, she never once asked me how I was, what I had been up to, what I was doing etc. She also said, "hows your love life?" and I said, "Kinda seeing someone, but nothing serious." She replied and said she was single and the thought of a relationship with anyone right now made her feel physically sick!!!!

 

The next day, she spoke to me on MSN Messenger and said that she's having a birthday party, but it wouldn't be a good idea for me to come - about 8 weeks ago she said she wanted me there more than anybody! Now she's inviting everyone except me! Sod it, like I'd want to go to her poxy party anyway. She said she isn't ready to be friends and thinks we should remain in no contact until October, that's four months away, that would make a total of 6 months no contact! She said then she'd be ready to be friends and we could go for a drink before she goes travelling. She said that "You're quite a demanding person and this is my time...my time to be selfish." She then blocked me on MSN Messenger before I could reply. What the hell is all that about?!?!?!?

 

I was so angry, I decided to send her an e-mail and I explained exactly how I felt about her, it was a pretty nasty e-mail, I told her she has no respect for me, I don't like who she has become etc. etc. She didn't reply.

 

When we broke up, she told me she'd been out for a drink with one of my mates. I was soooooo angry, needless to say he's no longer considered my friend. She told me it was innocent and she "just needed to talk to someone" and "nothing happened". That was in January. She promised she wouldn't talk to him anymore.

 

In my e-mail to her, I basically said how I found it slightly strange and also amusing that she doesn't want to know me, but continues to talk to the said ex-friend of mine. This was also a guy that three years ago, stole his own brother's girlfriend and then didn't talk to his own dad for two years as a result. He was even sleeping with his brother's girlfriend, before she dumped his brother and they got together. What a nice guy! She's blocked me on Facebook and MSN Messenger and only about half an hour after she received my e-mail, a friend of mine told me he'd seen on her Facebook that the said ex-friend of mine had said to her, "I love being your friend!!". So she'd obviously just laughed about my e-mail with him, which is why he made that comment. What a truly awful person she is. Shocked me so much.

 

I don't think she's seeing my ex-friend or anything, but her reaction to my e-mail was obviously not to think, "he's right, I have been a b***h", it was to say to my ex-friend, "haha look what he said about you" and laugh about me. I can't believe how she's turned out!!!!!!! She was the most lovely person when we were together.

 

So that's where it's at. Not heard a peep from her since, this was about fourdays ago. I'm very pleased she's actually made me realise what kind of a person she is now. I always did think we'd be friends, but she sure seems to have other ideas.

[gcollier2002]

your ex sounds like a fruit. You've gone 2 months with NC. Stop planning your points of evaluation of your NC and just don't talk to her. It will be hard at first, but you really aren't "not contacting" eachother if you're still planning how long you're not going to talk... Get out with your friends and have fun, get your mind straight, and then you'll be ready to start making a life with someone new. -This kind of person who's "best thing the ever did" was break up with you doesn't deserve to be your friend.

[IMAbadman]

Dude... forget this piece of trash. Do you really want someone like that back in your life even as a friend? I think not.

 

Move on and succeed. She'll be green with envy.

 

And don't you dare ever contact that wench again.

[Perfection]

bru, if i were you, i would block the snot out of her. on everything. Ruthlessness. don't let her have the joy of seeing you dragging your rear end. be cold and ruthless.

[mrmaximum]

Dude... forget this piece of trash. Do you really want someone like that back in your life even as a friend? I think not.

 

Move on and succeed. She'll be green with envy.

 

And don't you dare ever contact that wench again.

 

Look who she's hanging with now, she seems to becoming something like your former friend. You want nothing to do with a person like this. Close the chapter on this person, all she will do is upset you further and why, she's the past anyway.

[gee]

Oh my she sounds some what like my ex! I am 31 she is 22yrs old. She was the most loving person ever! She broke up with me before xmas last year! She told me she would never be my friend and to never contact her or family again. I'd cry and all that but when I said ok that's it...she contacted me! She has hurt me even more since our break up. Sayin simliar things like your ex, going to party, got a new car, feeling great, etc. This is a show brother! Don't show her you care! She has no respect for you at all! Next time she calls/text/IM...IGNORE IT! Let her pay this time. She obviously contacts you for a reason and if she doesn't get that satisfaction it will get to her! Be strong man and we deserve better!!! Good luck!

[dreamwarrior]

I have only one word for this "GIRL"...INSECURE!!

[SadHatter]

dreamwarrior - what makes you say she's insecure from this behaviour of hers?

 

just to fill you in - she was always very insecure during our relationship for two years, she'd call me at least three times a week in tears because she didn't like her body, thought she was fat, hated herself etc. etc. so she's definitely insecure, she even used to admit it herself.

 

just interested how you worked this out from what i've said?

 

you're very clever!

[dreamwarrior]

Hi there Sad,

 

Well first of all what can you say about a girl who has 3 sexual encounters in 3 months....that is a big red flag right there

 

Next trying to hurt you by throwing it in your face...well gosh that's really nice of her....TERRIBLE BEHAVIOR!

 

Showing off to make you more upset and trying to make you jealous....man there is a big long list of reasons I observed...And the biggest one is her age. Most girls at that age can barely put their bras on right

[GottaLetItBurn]

One thing you must do just for me. Change your number and don't let anyone who had contact with her get the number. Her desperation attempt to contact you when she needs someone to tear down or use will come up empty. This girl is a big time loser from the picture you painted. Don't waste your time. Sometimes good people get sucked in by losers, it happens all the time, it's the way of the world. You have to move on from it.

[nelz]

God, she doesn't sound too nice! I think she's putting on a front to try and make you feel small or something, I dunno.

 

What is it with these exes and their mixed signals???!!! Like your ex, mine said he wanted to be friends, we even planned a holiday together after we broke up. All of a sudden, 2 weeks later of not speaking, I hear he is going away with his new BFF (he attaches himself way too easily!) As if I never existed. I have been replaced. And shunned by our mutual friends (ho are just about the only mates I've got) who have spent more time with him. God I never realised breakups would be so CRAPPY!

 

Sad, I think you should just ignore her childish behaviour, and if she does unblock you and make contact, ie via txt or online, just ignore it and stick to your guns. She's trying to have all of the control, and is thriving on it. Don't give her the satisfaction.

[SadHatter]

Well I think we can safely say she isn't very popular in my household, nor on here anymore!

 

The residing emotion I have is massive disappointment that someone who for the last two years was so lovely, could suddenly turn into such a truly awful person. It's like I literally woke up one day and the person I knew died and became this spiteful, horrible girl. It's like a nightmare lol.

 

She also tends to hide behind her age a lot, "I'm only 18" etc. etc. I'm sorry, but that's no excuse, I was 18 once before, and I was nothing like she is. She's just turned into such a horrible girl grrrr! What a shame.