When does it get easier...?

[mjones.uk]

Hi folks,

 

Having given information on this forum to others who have broken up with their partners, you'd think I'd be doing ok and accepting/getting on with my life.

 

Thing is, I'm trying, but feel like I'm getting nowhere. My g/f of 8 years finished with me 3 days before Xmas - without any warning and just after we'd spent the weekend away together and done our Xmas shopping for each other.

 

Needless to say I was devestated and ended up having to have some time off work. Her 'reasons' where that she 'didnt feel I was the one anymore' etc.

 

To help me understand I have done alot of research and reading into life and relationships, and have come to understand so much about myself and where things went wrong, not just in my our relationship, but also in my own mind and life.

 

If I had the knowledge then that I have now, I think we would have worked it out, but i also know that the way to really show someone how much you love them is to let them go. Let them be their own person and discover life for themselves. You can't force someone to be with you and you shouldn't. If you really are meant to be then they will come back.

 

The thing is I still feel this way about her. She has been my only really serious relationship - I'm 28 now and have been with her since I was 20 and she was 17, but that doesn't bother me because all the time we've been together I've never wanted anyone else, she is just fantastic in every way.

 

Granted we had our difficulties, and I know that I have said and done things that I wish to god I hadn't (but havent we all!) but she knows how much I love her and we were always there for each other, we have done so many things together, been to so many places, but in the end it seems love is not enough.

 

I have done the right thing and not tried to contact her at all. I learned that is the biggest mistake and only pushes them further away. But now, 2 months down the line, I still miss her so, so much. She was my best friend and we talked about everything. I guess I'm not as lucky as most of the other guys on here, as I dont have that big a circle of friends. Most of my friends are people I work with, i don't really have anyone that close.

 

We cant really run accross each other as she lives in a different town (not that far away) and is a lovely, popular girl, so I can imagine I'm not much on her mind anymore. She's probably got someone else now as well as she always got attention off other blokes.

 

I know that one person or thing shouldn't be responsible for our happiness and that happiness is an attitude we create, but I just feel so lonely and miserable without her. Sure, i go clubbing sometimes, go out for drinks with my mates etc, but none of it really matters to me. I can't seem to be able to accept my life without her.

 

I hate being single. OK, perhaps i havent given it a chance yet, but I hate it. I so miss the closeness and affection you get when you're with your loved one. I can't imagine being with someone else. I have no urge to go out on the 'pull'. We were planning to move in together this year, but now I'm going to be stuck at home still. At 28. You probably all think thats really sad of me, but now I've got nowhere else to go. I don't want to go and live on my own in a pokey little place somewhere. I can't stand being on my own at the minute anyway.

 

I tell myself that I love her so much I want her to be happy - even if it means its with someone else, and I mean it, but inside I wish to god it was me! I think about her from the moment i wake up to the moment I go to sleep and I just cannot stop missing her so much that i feel like I've got a hole in my chest. Nothing else seems to interest me - friends, work - I'm even going to New Zealand backpacking for a month but I can't seem to get excited about it! How bad is that!

 

I know i have spent the last 8 years making her my life instead of making a life for myself, and now I've got to try and do that. but am i going to be able to do it alone? Am i going to be able to deal with being single and not having anyone to share my love with? When will i start to get over her!!?? I dont want to, but I know i have to, but when you love and want to be with someone so much, how do you or when do you start to not feel that way!!??

 

It a fact that you won't be able to make anybody else happy unless you are happy with yourself first. Somehow, i need to learn to live by myself and be happy with who I am and the life I live. At the moment, I'm trying my best, but life without some to share and love with just doesn't do it for me at the moment.

[SwingFox]

Hi mjones.uk

 

I am sorry that you have to go through this process. I am sure and totally understand that you must feel so hurt, clueless and somewhat lonely, too.

 

I would like to compliment you on your outlook on life. You are right, you can only make someone else happy, when YOU are happy. However, it goes a little beyond that. My rule in life is: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is for YOU being happy." After that your statement comes.

 

I am not sure how to give you more moral support. I would advise you, though, to accept your pain as part of the healing process. Your wounds WILL heal as time goes by. Because you have been together for so long, it will take some time, but there IS an end to this tunnel.

 

I hope this was somewhat of help for you. I wish you good luck on your healing process.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[michaelc20021607306449]

Give yourself time to reflect and gain wisdom from the relationship.

One chapter of your life has close and another has open up. I finding it difficult too, I met someone who was so special it was soulmate stuff. Anyway it gone into smoke. No trace. Still feeling pain. My one happen b4 valentines day. So start looking to the future but dont rush into things.

[girl_star]

although you may feel alone because your g/f of 8 years has left, you are not alone! i too was dating my b/f for that long and although it may seem like she was your entire life, she wasnt! you still maintained a career, have friends and have your family. perhaps your relationships with friends and family seem like nothing compared to the bond you shared woth your ex (sorry if that term hurts!), you do have other people in your life that care about you even though it may not feel like that now. being committed to someone for such a long time means that you have shared so much together. i am sure that you have done everything together like spent weekends away, shopped, went to the theatre, watched movies, walked in the park, visited musuems, hung out with friends, spent time with each other's families, spent time in bed dreaming about your future together, etc. after 8 years there are so many memories and that is what makes it hard to let go. trust me i know! although it seems like perhaps you should be over her by now, that is almost impossible. since you still think about her it shows that you really loved her and you cant just push that aside. my friends have told me that it may take months or even a year or two (god, i hope not!) to get over my ex. in the meantime just remember that this awful pain is normal and although it hurts like hell, you must allow yourself to go through this in order to heal. if you try to get over her too quickly by denying your emotions, you may not ever really heal from it and it may come back to haunt you later on. allow yourself to go through the pain even though you'd like nothing else for this to be over. what has helped me is reading a lot of self-help books. i never thought i would do that. it always seemed so cheesy to me, but there are some really good books that deal with breakup and relationships. right now you need to take care of yourself. make sure to practice self-care like relaxing in the bathtub, listening to music with the lights dimmed, practicing yoga or even sitting quietly and meditate for a while. remember that you are a wonderful person and that although you ex has left you, it may have nothing to do with you. your ex may be going through a lot of her own stuff that she may not even be aware of at the moment. someone else will love you. you are right when you say that you must love yourself first! im not sure if this helps but i just wanted you to know that there is someone else out there who was madly in love with her soulmate and just got left too! its been 3 months for me and i still think of him every single day. it is so hard but i know that i will emerge a stronger person. take the time to heal and you too will emerge a stronger person. take care.

[mikeyc]

I feel your pain too... But I can't take it.

All these posts that say "time will heal" make me want to throw my ***ing computer out the window. I remember what I was like before I met my ex. I was a strong, confident man. She lured me in with promises of, "I'd never dump you", "I love you, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me". BOLLOCKS! Look at me now! I'm not even a shadow of my former self and I hate her for doing this to me!

It took her 7 days to start dating someone else. She moved out of my house and straight into his... SLUT!

Not sure where I'm going with this. Don't think it will help you... I'm sorry.

Things were getting better for me until I found out she's been living with this guy and I also found out his name... I didn't need to know his name!

The last post on this forum mentioned that it may take years until the pain goes. I won't let it take that long. She doesn't deserve any more thought from me! I just want out! I want to leave this hell and go where nobody knows me and there's no way anyone can mention that bitches name!

I've been thinking about what I would do if she came crawling back to me. Think I'd take her back and date her for a while, then treat her like crap, cheat on her and dump her like she did me! Oh, that would be heaven. It puts a smile on my face thinking about it.

I apologise for this post. I have a lot of aggression at the moment and it's driving me crazy! I'm fed up with hearing her name and hearing what she is doing... You see, we do share the same friends and we live in the same town. I want complete closure but it's not possible. I JUST WANT HER OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER!!!!!

[benirwin1607306451]

Hi there, i know how you feel. I was with my girlfirend for 5 years and last week she comes home from work and says she doesnt love me anymore and doesnt want to be with me.

What I find difficult to understand is that we were so happy, we both earn good money and were going to be moving out of rented accommodation and into our own home.

We have only been apart for 1 week but it feels like an eternity and I dont know what to do. If anyone out there has some good advice I would love to hear it.

 

Anyway best of luck to you in the future, and i hope the pain we share goes away.