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Tired of being human.

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What's the point of it all? I sit here examining my life; past, present, future and I find it all rather useless. Looking at it from a metaphysical sense, there is no real point. I have no issues with that, what I do has as much destiny or purpose as anything else; mainly none. So, removing the metaphysical "what's the purpose of life", what standard should I set myself against? Lacking the metaphysical, lets use the natural world. At its basest level, life has two primary functions; survive and procreate. Everything else is built around these two functions, the only thing that changes are the buzzwords and spin we put on them. These are the standards I will be using to examine my life.


Just some background before I begin. For the past five years I've been going to college to acquire a degree in history, I've focused more on my studies than most things. I have picked up other things as well; I can set up a fitness program and change my diet around and stick with it. I've lost 72lbs since I've started college(I'm hovering around 204lbs). I'm not athletic, but not a complete slouch either. Hobby wise, I enjoy gaming(table top and video), movies, reading, writing(poorly).


So, now that my life has been put up, lets tear it apart using the standards I mentioned earlier.


Survival. I've got that covered. I live in a nice place, I keep myself healthy, and I generally don't want for much. I have that level spot on. It just doesn't seem enough. Of course, what exactly is 'enough'? I can't say, because I don't know. Looking at my future, I see a worthless wasteland of paper shuffling and office related bull * * * * . The history degree I've been pursuing for the past five years(yes, I am lazy) doesn't hold any appeal to me. Will it aid in getting a better job? Yes. Which in turn will aid in my survival, that alone should be enough, but it isn't. All I've learned in college is how to fill out paper work, how to hate myself, and how to hate the human race. Oh, I can cite sources too.


So, survival is not enough then. Lets look at the other function, procreation. A field I have zero experience in, which by all averages I should have at least stumbled into at least once. Oh well, nature weeds out the unfit, so that shouldn't bother me too much.


Things that I enjoyed in the past seem rather pointless now. Exercise. I do enjoy that, even though it means nothing. Good health for a long life? What's the point, I don't want it anymore. Exercise for a more pleasing form, to attract others. Again, pointless, I'd have to completely rebuild in order to have a "pleasing" form. Besides, my chances of getting laid or just dating, * * * * , anything, are about as good as me shooting an arrow at the moon, and hitting it. So exercise, worthless, pointless.


My other hobbies seem to alienate me even further from any sort of meaningful contact. I mean, you mention them and people laugh, so, that's not a good thing. I'm tired of pretending that I'm someone that I'm not. Which is funny, because I'm nobody. Hobbies of course, serve as entertainment which keeps the mind busy and offer opportunities to interact with others humans, aiding in the achievement of both natural goals. Strange how it doesn't seem to work for me, I don't have friends, I have acquiantances.


Obviously the solution would be to pick up hobbies or activities that would get me more involved with other people. The area that I live in basically precludes me from that, I don't believe in god and the biggest thing around is church, so that's a no go. Other things would open up if I had friends, no doubt. Too bad I don't. A solution to this would be to move, but I can't because I'm still a year away from getting my degree that I don't want anymore. I don't really want my future anymore either, there's nothing there for me.


Things seem to work out for other people, the only common denominator in all situations has been myself. It could very well be that I am defective. Which raises the question of what caused the defect. Is is natural, am I simply genetically set to kill myself? Possible, nature weeds out what isn't meant to survive. Is it environmental? This would be a cause of the past, back when I had no control over it. So, for the sake of argument, lets say that part of my issue is based on the environment of my past. That doesn't mean I can't change the now, now that I have the power to do so. It would be difficult, and again, pointless.


So, essentially, the problem is myself. The past is meaningless, the present boring, and the future not worth living.


I know there are other options out there for help, pills and such. Why? If I am so defective, I am obviously made for the rubbish bin. My genetics, for the good of the species, should not be passed on. Nature has decided that already, I am simply acting on its behalf.


tl;dr -> Sick of being human, what do I do?

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I think we've all felt like this at some point. As though people don't accept us for who we are, don't like us, and other things go wrong and you start questioning the very purpose of life altogether. I've been where you are - felt satisfied, doing things that made me feel happy, things which other people find strange, which can make it difficult to connect. I think you're certainly right to say that you need to get out there and do other things where you're going to meet and get involved in people, and it's not always easy to find such things, but it is possible. The key thing though, is that even though you enjoy doing the things you do, you take other people's negative opinions to heart, from the sound of it. You need to start believing in yourself - you're different and unique. You also need to stop looking to other people for validation of yourself - you're a great person with various interests that you enjoy, and that's pretty cool. As for education and a future career, it's far from hopeless. Sit down and start thinking about what you want to do. I know people who spent years in a career they hated, then switched to something in their thirties and loved it. So, it's never too late to change your path.

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