anthonyguy Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Hello, I am curious if other relationships are similar to mine. I have been living with my GF for almost 5 years now and everything is really really good. Our sex life is also really strong and active but lately she has thrown me curves. Such as if i complete this honey dew list item i will get something in return. Now i love the something in return item and it is fun to complete the work and get something most men enjoy in return. My question is how many other women use some form of sex to get the guy in their life to do something they want. We both joke and have fun with it so not really a problem, just curious if others are the same. Sorry if to long!! Link to comment
mo Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Yes, minority of women will stay on you for doing her job. It can be anything eg: work, money, sex etc. Don't bother much, life is like that for some guys, if you're enjoying your life with her and you're happy doing her job, stay-on man. There is no perfect person. Link to comment
DN Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I think you are making a huge mistake. Allowing her to do this is demeaning. She should want sex to give mutual pleasure and it should not be 'given' as a 'reward'. I also dislike the 'honey dew' term. Again, marriage or living together is a partnership - not an arrangement where one person is in charge and the other does what he is told. Do you have a 'honey dew' list for her? Start treating each other as equal adults. Don't blame her for this because this is something both of you have allowed. But do tell her that you don't want to be a junior subordinate in the partnership and that you want a drastic rethink about how you both manage the relationship. Link to comment
joan Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I am not sure i totally agree DN. I have on occasion used something sexual to get something i wanted done. I have thought of it more as foreplay really. And i have also used it in his weight loss plan. We decided that he would get a "treat" every 10 pounds he lost, no questions about it. We agreed and when i saw 10 less on the scale, well he was happy. Not that we were not intimate normally in the course of the relationship, but this was an added bonus from time to time. Link to comment
anthonyguy Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 a "honey dew" list is a to do list from your SO. honey can you do this for me type of thing. Link to comment
Papillion Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 a "honey dew" list is a to do list from your SO. honey can you do this for me type of thing. I see. Thanks for explaining. Hmm... not good. Well personally, i would never trade sex in that way, it would make me feel rather emasculated to be honest. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I don't see anything wrong with it, per se. Unless it's clear cut and if you don't do it, you get punish or something crazy like that. Like, when someone do something nice for me, I want to repay them. Sometimes that means using sex to pleasure them. It's not like I would withheld that. And anyway, haven't you guys heard of Pavlov's dogs? xD hehe! JUST KIDDING. well, kinda. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 If it's done like a game, then there is no problem. My bf and I use sex in alot of situations. Like, we'll make bets on things and agree to the terms beforehand. Like, if I lose I have to wear the naughty nurse outfit and give him a spongebath and then a blowjob. If I win, he wears the naughty nurse outfit and gives me a spongebath and oral! LOL We make it fun and silly. And we both do things like, ok...if you do this thing for me then I'll do THIS for you (insert something very kinky and erotic here). It's not demeaning. Neither of us feels bad or put down. We're having fun and being flirty. It would be a different story if your wife said that she would do something and then didnt follow thru, but she is, so I think it's great. Another thing you could do that's fun is to make your own sex coupons. And give them to each other at different times. But they have to be kinky and different. Like posing for nude pictures. Making a video of her giving you a sexy blowjob. Or you giving her oral. One of you dressing up for role play. Just silly things that you normally wouldnt do. My bf has a thing for nurses. So I use the naughty nurse outfit to build anticipation and I use it as a reward for something sometimes. As long as it's fun, it's great what you guys are doing!! Keep it up! Link to comment
DN Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I am not sure i totally agree DN. I have on occasion used something sexual to get something i wanted done. OK- so what happens if he does what you want and you are not in the mood for sex? Do you have sex anyway? What happens if he fails to do what you want? Do you deny him sex? If so, how long does the punishment last? Until he does it? What happens if he just doesn't want to do it? Do you still punish him? What happens if you are withholding sex as a punishment and you want it - do you deny yourself as well? Or is sex something you can easily give up if it means you don't get you way on other things. Using sex to get what you want is manipulative by its very nature. If you think that is OK then go for it. But what it really means is that you have a level of contempt for your partner because if you didn't - you would not treat him that way even if he agreed to it. And the fact that he does agree to it doesn't make it either wise or right. Reward and punishment may be a good way to train dogs or children but it is not the right way to treat a partner. Link to comment
joan Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 One if i make a deal with him then i would be in the mood, two, we still have normal sex, if he "fails" at some task that doesn't mean he is cut off, it just means he didnt get a bonus blowjob. It is something that is added to our normal sex life, it isnt our sex life. I would never withhold sex, we are both playing in the bonus land, above and beyond our normal sex life. You mention training - we all have chores thru life, why not make some aspect of them fun, esp with the one that we are in love with! Link to comment
DN Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 One if i make a deal with him then i would be in the mood, two, we still have normal sex, if he "fails" at some task that doesn't mean he is cut off, it just means he didnt get a bonus blowjob. It is something that is added to our normal sex life, it isnt our sex life. I would never withhold sex, we are both playing in the bonus land, above and beyond our normal sex life. You mention training - we all have chores thru life, why not make some aspect of them fun, esp with the one that we are in love with! It still looks to me like trading sex for some advantage. If both of you think it's fun then go for it but I still think it puts the relationship out of balance for one partner to give sexual favours in return for something. It looks too much like a transaction. I any event, what you describe is somewhat (but not entirely) different from what is happening to the OP. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.