Look away

[John14087]

instead of looking for a girl that simply does not exist, i just look away from girls now. It really helps, whenever im at the gym and see even a remotely attractive girl, i just look away. When an attractive girl comes into my work, i just look away. When one is passing by me as I walk from point A to point B, I just look away or at the ground. You know why, because why look at things you can't have? Why tease and torture yourself about something that will never happen? I realized long ago that love is for other people, not me. It is actually helping me get over the fact that i will be perpetually single. Anyone in the same boat as me should definitely try it!

[lady00]

I seem to keep meeting people who are single and prefer to be single and aren't open to a relationship with me. But darn it, I just can't stop looking! Don't think I'll ever be able to look away.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

oooook there, you're only 21......

you just began to live the world as an adult, you have at least sixty years more to live, and i doubt you will be "perpetually single"

i dont know why people sooo young, start to get so down on themselves because they haven't found someone....

i mean i would feel more empathetic if you were 50 and alone, but at 21!! you're young, enjoy your life! don't worry about finding someone! be happy with the things you do, once you\re happy with yourself, you can THEN start thinking about finding anyone.

right now i dont think you're happy at all. work on yourself before thinking of being with anyone, because if some girl comes now you might become clingy to her, and make her the center of your world, which is NOT good! people can take advantage of you that way..

so yeah.. live your life stop worrying about this! you're young! young i tell you!

wait till you're 50 and THEN you can complain.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

I seem to keep meeting people who are single and prefer to be single and aren't open to a relationship with me. But darn it, I just can't stop looking! Don't think I'll ever be able to look away.

 

don't look away! if you do it will feel like you don't deserve to look at them, or that you're less than them (pfft!)

you can't just be blind to people you find attractive

look all you want!

looking away or looking at the ground shows that you see them as superior and better than you, and to have a healthy relationship, both people have to think of each other as equals.

[John14087]

well it gets kind of frustrating because A. I have not even held hands with any girl since day one of puberty!!! and B. it kinda gets old when I do look at attractive women and when they see me looking at them, they throw me a dirty look!!!!!! so i just stopped looking and stopped trying! Its like they see me as a disfigured freak! So yeah, Im done with all of it, plus what hope does a 21 year old, never been kissed, never been in a relationship, shy virgin have in a world where people are having sex at 13! Ummmmm, oh yeah, no chance at all!

[MD Geist]

instead of looking for a girl that simply does not exist, i just look away from girls now. It really helps, whenever im at the gym and see even a remotely attractive girl, i just look away. When an attractive girl comes into my work, i just look away. When one is passing by me as I walk from point A to point B, I just look away or at the ground. You know why, because why look at things you can't have? Why tease and torture yourself about something that will never happen? I realized long ago that love is for other people, not me. It is actually helping me get over the fact that i will be perpetually single. Anyone in the same boat as me should definitely try it!

 

 

Iv'e pretty much excepted the possiblitly of never dating anyone in life but you know what that doesn't stop me!.

 

Everytime I see some guy with a very attractive woman I try to become a better person that day weither its reading a book, learning something about how to treat someone, whatever! I become a better person at the end of the day. The bottomline is ill be living a life that most people will only be dreaming about.

 

However I just don't even bother to get those "Thoughts" if you know what iam saying, I started focusing on ME, ME, ME, ME,ME, ME, ME, ME,ME, ME, ME, ME,ME, ME, ME, ME!.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

well it gets kind of frustrating because A. I have not even held hands with any girl since day one of puberty!!! and B. it kinda gets old when I do look at attractive women and when they see me looking at them, they throw me a dirty look!!!!!! so i just stopped looking and stopped trying! Its like they see me as a disfigured freak! So yeah, Im done with all of it, plus what hope does a 21 year old, never been kissed, never been in a relationship, shy virgin have in a world where people are having sex at 13! Ummmmm, oh yeah, no chance at all!

 

well how hard are you looking at them? there's a difference between glancing at someone, and staring.. maybe you stare at them too hard and it throws them off.

 

and honestly you're not bad looking, but its your attitude that probably turns people off.

you seem to have a lot of anger and bitterness towards people.

 

and i don't think its a bad thing to be a virgin at your age!!

and thers a lot of people your age in your same situation!

you're sooo young!! you should be out there enjoying your life!

don't make being in a relationship the main reason why you're living because it is not!

being in a relationship should be a plus to your already good life you know?

if you're miserable as it is, and get in a relationship it will only drag it down in the end.

try to focus on other things, get some hobbies, get a job who knows.

just try to live your life the best you can.

[Tom the fool]

Here's the thing. Those things that you keep turning away from? Those are people. The trouble with "looking away" is that you are still regarding attractive women in the same way you did before.

 

Consider a monk who takes a vow of chastity. If a woman in need comes to his monastery, what is the chaste way of responding:

1. He averts his eyes from her, hands out whatever assistance she needs and rushes her off.

Or

2. He looks on her with deep compassion and love & offers to her all she needs.

 

Likewise with you. If you have resolved to be single, even temporarily, use the opportunity to grow in love towards the women you meet. Do not look away from their attractiveness. Look through it & find out something about them.

 

In addition to this, it seems that all other posts have got it right, too, which is to say that you are too quickly drawing the conclusion that you will be perpetually single.

[mgirl]

well it gets kind of frustrating because A. I have not even held hands with any girl since day one of puberty!!! and B. it kinda gets old when I do look at attractive women and when they see me looking at them, they throw me a dirty look!!!!!! so i just stopped looking and stopped trying! Its like they see me as a disfigured freak! So yeah, Im done with all of it, plus what hope does a 21 year old, never been kissed, never been in a relationship, shy virgin have in a world where people are having sex at 13! Ummmmm, oh yeah, no chance at all!

 

I think you're letting the biggest disease in the world defeat you by looking away, and that is 'insecurity'. Whilst i can see the logic in what you say, i think you are letting things defeat you by looking away.

 

Don't worry about looking away, it's not gonna get you anywhere.

 

And, by the way, you are making massive assumptions as to what those girls may be thinking when they apparently look away. How do you know they are looking away? Maybe they're just as shy as you.

 

If everybody kept 'looking away', then the human race would stop: there would be no more procreation!

 

The best thing you can do is face your fears. Next time you want to 'look away', actually look at someone and smile. See what happens, see where it gets you

[solacean]

You know why, because why look at things you can't have?

 

Actually I've been doing that exact thing (avoiding looking at women) for a while now. But I'd have to admit that in the long run it doesn't make things much easier. And it makes me sad that you are resorting to this when you are barely into your 20's (I'm in my mid-40's now). At your age I was most certainly still looking at women. Yes, even ME ... and the male of the species doesn't get much uglier, less outgoing or less experienced than me. And it's not that women were ever looking back at me in the same way, even back then; still, I hadn't given up yet. That fate took quite a few years longer to become sealed. Okay, maybe I was just ignorant of a truth I should have known earlier ... but it was a semi-blissful ignorance.

[perceval]

Okay, listen up: If you decide to look away from women because you're fed up with being single and having never been given the chance to have a relationship, you deprive yourself of the only opportunity to find a partner. Why is that? Even in medieval times people were aware of the processes involved in finding a partner; flirtation basically consists of five steps: 1) Eye contact, 2) talking to each other, 3) tentative physical contact, 4) kissing, 5) intercourse. Obviously, you need to know if and when to take it to the next level, especially when steps 3 to 5 are concerned. Anyway, what I try to point out is that if you avoid eye contact altogether you will never stand a chance of finding a partner because the initial contact is NONVERBAL for most people. Seriously, what are you afraid of? You might not find the right partner this week or next week or not even this year; BUT you might find a lot of female friends if you open up a bit and as long as you don't stay focussed on potential relationships; in my opinion love is but a special (all-embracing) kind of friendship. Don't stand in your own way. Please.

 

 

hope this helps...

[infinitecore]

Why tease and torture yourself about something that will never happen? I realized long ago that love is for other people, not me. It is actually helping me get over the fact that i will be perpetually single. Anyone in the same boat as me should definitely try it!

 

 

Some quick facts worth remembering:

 

Did you know that women are also mammals? They sometimes make mistakes and can be very annoying or irrational at times. There are some that carry venereal diseases. Invariably, they will grow old and won't look different from men apart from two anatomical locations. And technically all of them are capable of loud, smelly farts and the health-conscious ones crap daily in the toilet. Some even experience constipation or diarrhea in prolonged times.

[EmeraldDragon]

Kudos to John14087. I hear ya man

[Crush85]

instead of looking for a girl that simply does not exist, i just look away from girls now. It really helps, whenever im at the gym and see even a remotely attractive girl, i just look away. When an attractive girl comes into my work, i just look away. When one is passing by me as I walk from point A to point B, I just look away or at the ground. You know why, because why look at things you can't have? Why tease and torture yourself about something that will never happen? I realized long ago that love is for other people, not me. It is actually helping me get over the fact that i will be perpetually single. Anyone in the same boat as me should definitely try it!

 

Yeah I've done that too. To a degree it helps, but it doesn't make me feel better. It's no different than a homeless starving person looking through the window of a restaurant and seeing people scarf down juicy cheesburgers. He can look away and try not to think about it, but completely blocking it out of his mind won't take away the hunger pains. This is how I feel.

[MD Geist]

Kudos to John14087. I hear ya man

 

ME three!.

[Raize]

Yeah I've done that too. To a degree it helps, but it doesn't make me feel better. It's no different than a homeless starving person looking through the window of a restaurant and seeing people scarf down juicy cheesburgers. He can look away and try not to think about it, but completely blocking it out of his mind won't take away the hunger pains. This is how I feel.

 

Lol your metaphors are just as corny, yet just as apt, as some of my metaphors. Cheeseburgers and Einstein!

[luxe_13]

how can you ever have a connection wit someone if you won't even look at them.

 

 

here's what will work better for you: a genuine smile,

 

 

try that for a while and stop being so negative!!

[solacean]

how can you ever have a connection wit someone if you won't even look at them. here's what will work better for you: a genuine smile

 

Clearly you've never walked around with a face like mine. Only people who are at least marginally attractive can make a connection with strangers with a smile. My smile always, ALWAYS makes women who don't know me go "ewwww" and quickly move away. Not because it isn't genuine - it's simply not in the least bit attractive. My friends have even made a running joke of how my face scrunches up when I am accidentally wearing a "genuine smile".

 

That's one of the reasons I can't bring myself to look at women anymore - years and years of getting nothing but revulsion back when I gave them that "genuine smile" you recommend.

[MD Geist]

 

try that for a while and stop being so negative!!

 

I agree and stop being so damn depressed like its the end of the world?.

 

You can call it quits and yes it will bother you regardless but once depression hits you have more than just a dating problem.

[MD Geist]

John

 

Try and make friends first before you start asking women out on dates. If there's anything Iv'e learned and that is be comfortable around the oppsite sex. I have made alot of female friends and also made more male friends as a result and have learned alot from it. Based on your photo(if thats you) your not ugly as a matter of fact nobody is "Ugly" in my book.

 

You need to be happy with your life and the rest will fall into place from there.

[John14087]

I can't be happy when I'm alone, can't anyone understand that! How can I be "happy with myself" when I know middle schoolers are getting more dates than i am? How can I be happy when I make the smallest glance to women ( I don't stare at them to make them into stone) and they look annoyed that im even looking at them? How can I be happy knowing that every one of my friends have at least kissed a girl except me! If I'm not ugly, why am I such a damn prude at this age? For crying out loud, I'm a virgin at 21, yeah thats something to be proud and "happy" about. See where im going here?

BTW I do have a lot of female friends, but cmon theyre all taken or not interested. I'm just the "friend" to them. I lost "happiness" many years ago.

[solacean]

I can't be happy when I'm alone, can't anyone understand that! How can I be "happy with myself" when I know middle schoolers are getting more dates than i am? How can I be happy when I make the smallest glance to women ( I don't stare at them to make them into stone) and they look annoyed that im even looking at them? How can I be happy knowing that every one of my friends have at least kissed a girl except me! If I'm not ugly, why am I such a damn prude at this age? For crying out loud, I'm a virgin at 21, yeah thats something to be proud and "happy" about. See where im going here?

BTW I do have a lot of female friends, but cmon theyre all taken or not interested. I'm just the "friend" to them. I lost "happiness" many years ago.

 

Maybe at 21 it can be hard to see this, but I assure you that there is much more to be done and had in life than just romantic relationships. You can trust me on this issue, if you can trust anyone. After all, I'm over twice your age and still in exactly the same boat as you (except that at my age, every last one of my friends has long been married with children while I remain a dateless virgin), and I would NEVER have made it until now if there weren't many, many other things I found along the way that gave me a reason to keep getting up in the morning ... other things I had to offer that made me a worthwhile individual.

 

I also understand the "middle schoolers getting more dates than me" misery at least as well as you (if not better, given the even greater age difference). I'd just advise you to try to remember that there are many other things you've already accomplished that those middle schoolers you're concerning yourself about have not, and that there are many things you will do in the coming years that they won't, no matter how old they get. Try not to judge everyone (and that especially includes yourself) solely by the yardstick of romantic success. I'm not trying to tell you that this will make everything in your life all better, but it doesn't have to be all dark, all the time.

[MD Geist]

I have it even worst then you.

 

I have tons of females friends that aren't taken as well as a huge network with women that are also single and yet iam still a dateless virgin. The whole middle schoolers thing I wouldn't take serious cause when was the last time you've met someone who found love in school? Most people I know who did are currently diviorced or on there way to that road.

 

Second no exuses, iam a damn good looking person as well as very out going! confident and such so again why iam I still dateless?.

 

Me I have decided to be happy with or without a woman in my life the way I see it is if I came this far without a woman I think the next 22 years of my life can't be any worst!.

[MD Geist]

wanna bet....sigh

 

Lets do it.

 

I don't see any woman coming into my life.