He didn't call, but I will have to see him again soon - yikes

[violingirl]

About 1 1/2 weeks ago, I gave my contact information to a (supposedly shy) guy I like (and who I thought liked me, too). For full details, you can read this thread:

 

 

Anyway, other than a brief e-mail asking me if I got home OK that night (which I promptly responded to), I haven't heard from him. It turns out that one e-mail meant nothing anyway, as I found out this past weekend that he had sent a similar e-mail to another woman in our Meetup activity group and shared our subway travails with her.

 

We have another Meetup event scheduled for next week Friday. Both of us are attending. I almost don't want to go now, because I feel embarrassed about the whole thing - he knows I like him, while I now know that he has zero interest in me. I wish that I had never given him my contact info. Now I look like a loser.

 

Should I still go to the event next week, even though I will feel weird around him? I like the group and have fun at these events. Also, if I do go, how should I act around him? Should I just avoid talking to him?

[Daligal83]

I wouldn't avoid him. Just be civil and be the bigger person. Show him how fun you are and what he's missing. But most of all, just enjoy yourself and don't let his presense ruin your night.

[ImThatGirl]

Don't let this one small incident affect your life. Yes you have a right to feel a little embarrassed but who is he? You know? Try not to act weird around him. Just be yourself and don't think about the fact that you made it clear you like him and he didn't contact you after that one email. Maybe he just happened to hit it off with the other girl.

 

It's going to be alright, really!!! Try not to take it so personally.

 

Another thing, I know some people think it's coureous to respond promptly (immediately.) I think it's better to wait a few before responding.. I know he sent you a message to see if you made it home safely and it makes some sense to respond immediately but it seems too eager imo.

[bulletproof]

Why should you be embarrassed? There's nothing wrong with expressing an interest in someone. Sometimes that person isn't going to reciprocate, but you took a chance and that's what's really important. If someone was interested in you, would you think that person is a loser? Probably not. You would be flattered.

 

You should absolutely go to the meeting. Not going to something you enjoy because of some random person who doesn't know what he's missing wouldn't be very fair to yourself. And definitely don't avoid talking to him. Be polite, smile, make eye contact and socialize with everyone. Show that you are confident and that you don't need him to call/email you in order for you to feel validated.

 

He may not be interested, but who knows what the reason for that could be? He might be in a relationship, casual or otherwise. He may have just gotten out of something long-term. He might be gay, for all we know. Try not to personalize his disinterest, and remember that you don't know what's going to happen in the future.

[annie24]

i agree with the others!!!! just go, have fun, don't worry about him. don't take it personally, you barely know him and he barely knows you. too bad he is missing out!

[violingirl]

I wish that I could be more blase and confident like all of you suggest. I admittedly have a hard time pretending to be OK when my feelings are hurt or affected in my personal life (my professional life is a different matter), so I am not sure how confident I will be able to pretend to be at the event. I am a pretty sensitive person and just wish that I never had to see him again.

 

bulletproof, I know to expect some rejection when it comes to men. But all I have experienced for 3 1/2 years is man after man not reciprocating any interest. Every time I try again and put myself out there with men, I get kicked down. I just don't know what to do anymore, other than resign myself to the fact that no men want to be with me and that I'll probably never have another relationship again. Or that, as with this guy (as explained in my other post), men seem to only find me attractive when they are drunk.