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What do you do?? I must be the world’s biggest idiot...

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All you know… all you’ve dedicated yourself too.. all you love..

is just GONE… Walks Away…


How is this possible?


It hurts like hell….



First I acknowledge I haven’t been the best man I should have the last few years. I realize I am far from the ideal man… I know this… but I have lived by some moral compass and made every effort (pressing thru personal failures and overcoming stumbling blocks) to be everything I promised and what my wife needed in a husband. I fell short several times but remained committed and faithful to become loving and dependable. Due to my own issues (childhood sexual abuse, assault, rape and emotional, physical and psychological abuse) and trials thru the years, eventually, my scars opened up, because my childlike efforts weren’t the skilled surgeons hands needed for my emotional healing. I poured out my pains thru defective and inappropriate behaviors which included substance abuse.

I am actively involved in my recovery and spiritual growth. I am changing and developing skills and discovering how to be myself and love myself. My life circles on my health and wellness. My life is all about change… authentic genuine change… from my beliefs, self doubts to accepting myself and loving myself and working toward wholeness. My recovery… and renewal with God are all I have… with the help of 12 step program, Psych therapy, meds and self help.. I have been learning and sharing my heart more and more and she hardens her heart to me and tells others I am narcissistic and selfish that I only cared and felt for me… she discards all the memories of my sacrifices and selfless acts. I am becoming aware of myself and the unrealistic beliefs I held and how she played against them.



I guess for some time it has been obvious to everyone else.. but I just can't take a hint… that she was quitting on us…she gave all the signs of infidelity too, yet denied it over and over… and she kept telling me she wanted to be independent, discover herself, be free from me and all ties to me, and to get out of our marriage.


Well… just 8 days after our 23rd anniversary ( which didn’t even talk because4 she has a no contact boundary she established and demanded I respect) and 3 days after my birthday (which she didn’t even remind my children of) she just sprang the news that she has been involved with others for some time and slept with them, and has someone si9gniicant she wants to spend her life with.

She kicked me out… separated for a few months now… she told me I had to live by her boundaries and accept them yet never would discuss anything realistic…




I am completely heartbroken. My love, my life… my wife of 23 years has cast me aside. Maliciously, bitterly and resentfully she hurt me so she could fling into anther mans arms. I have no say and everything hinges ion her demands, which first she requires a divorce. She has placed difficulties on me and has made hostile actions to reduce her discomfort and give ease for her actions while making me out as the bad one and put her in position her to get what she wants. Believe me, I have a hard time understanding how someone who was so tied to my soul could so carelessly let go of our promises and vows.



I still love and want the very best for her. But she has pure hatred toward me and has exhibited it many times.


Recently one morning, a c couple days after the affairs were confessed to me, I happened to be by the house, it was early and I had time so I found some fresh flowers and made a bouquet to leave on the porch. She was out on the porch and on the phone with her new guy. I tried to address it calmly and let her know I was wanting to express my pain to him, the” current” lover and tell him what I think of him for killing my marriage and destroying the fabric of my family, she called the police and had me arrested telling them I was threatening to kill her and him. Why??

Is this some attempt to make her breaking this off more justifiable? Does it make it easier on her?


Our children are going to suffer thru this because of her. They aren’t stupid they will see the truth and become aware of her character and spirit. Her unfaithfulness will come to light and its not my position nor my desire to expose it and make her look bad.

She says all the right things and talks so much about giving her a divorce and being civil thru all this yet, she files restraining orders and lies about my character and actions.



As for myself, I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…


What good is this now???????





But I still believe if two people were willing to remain dedicated and serious about healthy growth in the midst of their personal struggles. They could possess unlimited potential and endless possibilities during the transformation of their lives and relationship that would release an inspiring influence for helping and serving others. Its discouraging that she is disregarding our relationship on the prospect of what she feels might satisfy what may be missing. What she imagines or envisions will not measure up to reality.


It’s a shame that she decided to throw away the reality of what we have and all we can achieve together.



Right now, I want to foicus on myslef and my kids which she has me restrained from...



God be with all of you in your personal struggles...

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