My story

[MrLost]

This is my problem,

 

I’ve been with my partner for around about 3 years, And these years whilst being on and off with her have both good and bad, I love her with all my heart, when its good its all good and when its bad thing just go down hill fast. All of the problems with me and my partner come from me, and before you ask yes I have seeked counselling service for this. I met my partner online, and we communicated several times and this soon turned into several weeks followed by several years. I have still not met her after all these years as she finds she can not trust me, I don’t blame her for thinking that way either.

Our problems arose when one time while speaking on the phone with her I watching t.v at the same time I was making some sort of irritating moaning noise from what I was watching on the t.v (music video clips) Then completely out of the blue I txted her a random message about a detailed fantasy of someone I had just seen on the t.v. This is from where she 1st started to loose her trust with me. Several weeks or months latter we were talking about what we had done in our past, as in what could be potentional problems in the future. I told her that I had slept with a girl then about a year or so latter I ended up sleeping with her sister unknown at that time she was or I would never of gone there. This knew information to her helped her loose trust with me quicker /faster. We however talked this through and I thought it was thereforeee all in the past and we could work through it.

Se would txt/ring me whilst I was on my breaks at work and so would I in return with her. She became quite ill and had to go into hospital for her illness, so this made communication between us important. We would continue txting and ringing each other every night as we have been doing for the last 3 odd years of this relation between the breakups of course. When I go out with my mates I would also txt her to let her know what im up to and so forth. I had moved out of my house and got tenant in to pay for my mortgage whilst I was working a new job in another part of the country. The day she was meant to come out of hospital I had to do a house inspection on my property. After my inspection was done I went over to see my mate as I thought I’d have time before she was released. As time went on and I was catching up with my friend I forget to message her and she was released having her sister to come pick her up, this was meant to be myself picking her up.

Our relationship was not built up on sex it was via through communication between us both finding out more out one another, and the more we got to know each other the more liked and fell in love with each other also. We would talk to each other about what we would do when we finally met and so forth, and we would talk more about the sexual nature than as time went by, I tended to talk more about this as time went by and this in the end drove us apart somewhat due to my verbal thinking out loud. It was about roughly a year latter that we came to the conclusion that I had an sexual addiction and this she couldn’t trust me with, as she is very much in the public eye and has a somewhat of a high status job. I went to counseling for around two months before my counselor went overseas on a 4 week holiday, during this time I applied for help at the local hospital services whilst he was away. I had and interview and I was put on a waiting list until he arrived back in the country. So I had now sessions with no one until he had returned. My partner at this time at moved overseas with her work and I was meant to be going with her but seeing as she still couldn’t trust me or think I didn’t know anymore about my addiction she left alone. I have been trying to find out more about this and also haven’t had any sign or hit any trigger’s that put obscene thoughts in mind for well over a year now, due to one thing my councilor said..”everytime you picture these thought or have these thoughts picture how it would make your partner feel”and since that day I’ve have nothing, no obscene thoughts of any nature I don’t watch porn nor look at on the internet and I am always faithful. I haven’t even had sexual relations in over 3 years. I honestly do really love her to bits and she means the world to me she really does. We got into several fights over all this and ended it, I was devastated. Whilst trying to work out what went wrong, she had been going on with her life and she met someone else who was completely honest with her and could open up. This is something I also had trouble with and found it hard to do. I feel I have more of an understanding this addiction. But I need to find more to make sure it’s at bay. We spoke on the phone about 2 or so weeks latter and had so many feelings still there between us so we decided to give it another shot. I went out with some friends and my communication wasn’t the best as I left messages were allover the show. We fought about this also and this I don’t blame her. I went out the following weekend with some new friends from work as I had moved back into my house after kicking my tenants outs out for not paying rent. This was good and she also went out also. She txd me a message saying she was playing pool with a guy and as she hadn’t played for so long it was fun for her. I got upset and replied have fun with your game then... or something to that nature, shortly after sendinf that message her oth two came through explaining that she had gone back to the motel from the clubs alone and wanted to play pool, her sister came back with her partner and a guy and his partner they had met out that also stayed in the same motel as them all. This was whom she was playing, so I had nothing to worry about but I jumped to conclusions and spat the dummy without communicating properly between us. Several weeks before all of this she had also told me some new s that I may like to know... That she was pregnant… This was a massive shock to me and I was speechless for a few. We disused it all over though and we decided to put it all behind us and move forward. We also discussed the issue of the unborn and the father also.

Now back to me at my new job... I had started this and also was talking to my counselor to find out if I could possible fit in any sessions but without knowing my work hours I had to wait until my 1st week was finished so I new what time I had to play with. There is a lot of overtime and this helps me with me renovations for my property and also my personal savings. Fridays is an early knock of day but we can “choose” to stay behind if we want to do overtime…. And yes you guessed it I chose the overtime instead of seeing if it was possible to fit in a session. This is currently where we are at in our relationship, Since then I have rung my counselor and help applied to have future Friday sessions if he can book me in as this is the only day that I can make them due to my new job and hours of work. I love this woman with al my heart no questions asked and I also know she feels the same way about me…

 

Is there any help out there for my problem?