What can I do that will allow me to go see her

[lynxwizard]

I live in the States and I was in Europe the first 3 weeks in June, and while in Finland I met the nicest women in a pub, we really hit it off well, she left her boyfriend in April because he had mental issues, she said he was taking it bad and cut his wrists in front of her, she feels bad she told me. her english is not the best but was good enough for us to become attracted to each other. she told me I was a attractive man.

 

We ended up holding hands and kissing and danced till 4:00 in the morning and I ended up going back to her place, she is a nurse and has a very nice apartment, and is 40 and never been married, ( I am 48) she said she never wants to be married. in the morning she hugged and kissed me when I said I will miss her as I had to leave Finland that day to go to Sweden, we exchanged phone numbers and addresses (she does not have a computer) while still in europe I sent her a few post cards thanking her for the nice time and told her I missed her. I asked if I could come over again to see her.

 

While still there in Europe I was thinking what a nice time I had with her, it has been so long since a women was that nice to me, so I sent her some flowers.

 

When I go home I had a letter from her, she said she had a nice time with me and that it was a miracle we met because it was her first time going out since she left her boyfriend, she said if felt safe and easy to be with me and she forgot all her troubles and said she felt bad she did not take any pictures of me, then she said 'Maybe someday ?' then she said I could call her if I could handel her bad english.

 

I called her and while at times it was hard to understand each other it went well, I asked her if she missed me and she said 'a little' I asked her to think about letting me come and see her within a few months and she said she would think about it, she said she would try and learn more english and I told her I would learn some Finnish, I got a book and Cd, wow is that a tough one to learn

 

Then the next day I got a thank you card for the flowers and she said I was 'wonderful' and said 'write soon' I called her today and we had a nice visit, when I asked her about coming to see her she did not have a answer for me, she said maybe I could in a while if she did not have a boyfriend, I said she already had a American boyfriend, I was kidding of course and she laughed, but she said she is not looking for one. but she did say our time together was too short, and I then asked her to think about me coming to see her for maybe a week to see maybe if something could happen with us, again she said she would think about it then she had to let me go as she had to go to work.

 

Well when I got of the phone with her I sent her some more flowers, she will get them in a few days, in the note I just asked her to give us a chance or we will never know if anything could of ever happeneded between us and said I missed her, I will call her again next week when she is off work, she starts a 30 day holiday then. I wonder if they all do that over there ?

 

So people am I crazy for thinking something could happen for us with 5,000 miles between us ? and it does not help she does not like long flights.

 

Was it Ok to send her flowers ? I am hopeing they may help her decide to let me see her, I just want to show her I am a nice person and just want a chance to hold her again and see what could happen.

 

Is there anything else I could do to her saying yes to coming to Finland ?

 

I know this may be crazy and a long shot but I really like her from what I do know about her, Please give me some advice.

[greensleeves]

You've already asked her about going back a couple of times and she said she'd think about it, so now all you can do is wait and let her think. You're right that it's a long shot....but stranger things have happened. It's okay to hope for the best, but try not to get too caught up in it. Continue to live your life and try to meet other women...I'm sure there are plenty of smart and attractive women in your part of the world.

 

You also have to really think this through. Could you afford to fly back and forth to Finland? Would either of you ever consider relocating? It doesn't sound like she would...she's already told you she has no interest in marriage, so she's probably content and satisfied with her life as it is.

 

At the very least, you had a nice holiday romance and some great memories. If it turns out to be something more that would be wonderful, but just don't pin too many hopes on it. Good luck.

[lynxwizard]

Thanks, I think that is good advice, I told her l was going to call next week but seeing I sent flowers I dont think I will, the flowers and card say enough, I will wait to hear from her, If I dont hear from her I will call her in a few weeks, and I will not talk about seeing her unless she brings it up, I dont want to pressure her and maybe I have been.

[lynxwizard]

I got a letter from her today, she wrote it the night after I called her, and before she would have got my flowers, she wrote it from work, she told me about her family and somemore about herself, then she said 'My ex wants me back, its hard to say no for him, I dont know what I want to do now ? its so difficult, I love him somehow, but also afriaid of him having mental problems, and he is so jealous of me, even who we are not together now, Thats why I cant promise to you with certainty yet that you can come here to be with me, Its difficult, because I like you very much and want to get to know you better too ! You seem so friendly, tender and warm hearted. '

 

Then some more small talk then she said, 'Im thinking of you the whole night when I write this letter, are you satisfied ?

 

Somemore small talk then she gives me her weight and height and asks me mine, then she says ' If we meet again (I hope we meet) Im sure that I will get along with you, we did that already, I remember you and am waiting for your letter'

 

She closes with 'Bye Bye my silly sweet American'

 

I thought I was a nice letter, not to happy about her thinking about the ex and wondering what to do, but I thought she said some positive things about maybe seeing me again.

 

Any input and what do I do now ? should I tell her what I think about her ex ? or maybe that would not be good unless she askes.

 

Thanks everyone

[greensleeves]

It does sound like a really nice letter. It seems as though she really needs some time and space right now. I wouldn't say anything about her ex, she's already pointing out the negative about him and if you say anything about him, she liable to go on the defensive (push/pull) as she still has some feelings for him, even though she's confused about it.

 

I think it wouldn't hurt to write a nice letter back to her but nothing overly serious, maybe just some catching up and let her know that you also hope you can maybe see eachother again sometime in the future. And in the meantime, carry on with your life and continue to date other women. If it's meant to be, it'll happen in time.

[greensleeves]

I don't really agree with this...it's extremely negative and assumes that she's a bad person who's intent on using him based on broad generalizations. She's not with her ex anymore, so saying she can't let him go isn't really accurate. The ex wants her back, so if she couldn't let him go and he was her project, she'd have gone back to him. However, she hasn't and she expressing interest in lynx. The prospect of a serious relationship with someone that far away is definitely a long shot, but stranger things have happened.

 

I still think it's wise to carry on with your life and date other women, but don't close the door on this if you feel there might be something special there. You'll find out more about what kind of person she is as you continue to correspond with her.