traeh Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I notice that a lot of women on this site are having issues with their boyfriend's flirtatious behavior. How do you know when a guy has crossed the line and is not considering your feelings or if he is just being the extroverted, flirtatious person that he is. I mean, what if you fell in love with a guy that was very outgoing and that was one of the qualities that attracted you to him? Maybe his flirting is just a natural thing for him and by respecting that, you are allowing him to stay true to himself. Maybe you shouldn't be jealous because if you reflect on the situation, you can see that he is just being the loving, extroverted, friendly person that he was when you first met. On the flip-side, does it cross the line when you reveal your jealous feelings related to his behavior and he does nothing to change his flirting-with-other-women? I mean, your feelings are valid and he should honor and respect them, right? However, the sticky part: he is just being true to himself and yet, his behavior is hurting you emotionally. Does it mean you're not compatible? Link to comment
Pocket Rocket Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Hmmm interesting question. I'm not really sure how to answer this one because none of the guys I have been with were really outwardly flirtatious. Popular maybe, but I never worried, I guess I'm really laid back. At times I think I was way too laid back or really didn't pay attention but a guy cheating on me doesn't cause nearly as much anxiety for me as if he were to leave me. Then you'd see me go haywire. I head a quote somewhere a while ago (not sure where) but I guess it's kind of the way I see these sort of things - "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you come home for dinner". That said though, there's a ig difference between friendly flirting leading or a peek at someone interesting, and coming on way too strong and devouring someone with your eyes. I'm not always the best judge when it comes to these sort of things though! Link to comment
traeh Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 but a guy cheating on me doesn't cause nearly as much anxiety for me as if he were to leave me. Wait.. so if a guy cheated on you, you wouldn't leave him?! If a guy cheated on me or left me, I'd say 'good riddance to bad rubbish.' Link to comment
Pocket Rocket Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Wait.. so if a guy cheated on you, you wouldn't leave him?! If a guy cheated on me or left me, I'd say 'good riddance to bad rubbish.' Ah sorry, that's not what I meant. I mean that until it would happen, I wouldn't worry too much about it. And if it did happen, of course I'd leave the guy, but I'd be more devastated if he'd just broken up with me (for no clear reason and no cheating involved) than if he cheated on me. Kind of hard to explain, I have problems with fear of abandonment, so cheating isn't as high on my 'anxiety' agenda. That doesn't mean I wouldn't feel broken hearted, but when my first boyfriend disappeared and I found out he'd gone back to his ex, I was more devastated with the fact he left (which I discovered first) than the fact that he went back to her. Still don't know if any cheating was involved, but mind you that was years ago, and I'm so much wiser to that fact that he was scum Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Yes and no. I find it very unattractive to have a guy who supposed to be with me flirt with everything that moves. Its one thing to be polite, smile a bit it's another to stare, try to make conversation, constantly smile or wink at another woman. I personally may tell my partner that I'm jealous but I don't expect him to change his behavior, I just want him to know I'm uncomfortable and he's the cause. If he completely disregarded how I felt on the matter and in fact increased his behavior I would say he was not the right one for me. Link to comment
traeh Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 pocket rocket -- I see what you mean. darkpumpkin -- I agree with you. If he completely disregarded how I felt on the matter and in fact increased his behavior I would say he was not the right one for me. My ex was this type, and it made me realize how truly incompatible we were. I don't understand how someone would 'increase' this behavior to try to hurt you even more. I mean, how insensitive can you really be? Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 this is an interesting question! i look forward to reading peoples' responses. i agree with darkpumpkin's take. my latest 'situation' was going out to a bar with the guy i am seeing and a bunch of his friends. among them was a girl who had hooked up with one of the other guys in the group, but she didn't know any of them very well. she was really really drunk and stoned. she told me that while i was in the bathroom, my guy had hit on her, and that i shouldn't trust him. honestly, i don't know either of them well, i've only been on a few dates with this guy, but he tells me he wants a serious relationship with me. the girl, i knew for only 20 minutes, and she clearly didn't know the guys in the group so well, and she was quite drunk. makes me wonder if she misinterpreted a joke he told her or something? i decided not to 'confront' the guy i was seeing about this. Link to comment
hear_her_roar Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Hmm... I would say that the guy has crossed the line if he knows his signifigant other is uncomfortable with his flirting, yet he still does it. Link to comment
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