Ladies and Gents, input please!

[ryan250]

A little background: Me and this girl started dating/seeing each other around 2 months ago. She broke up with her boyfriend(they dated for 3 years) 3 weeks prior to meeting me. We haven't had sex yet, but have gotten pretty intimate in other areas. Anyways, we have gone out to dinner, movies, blah blah the whole dating nine yards. She even said that when guys ask her out, she says she is dating someone. Awesome! or so I thought....

 

The thing is, I am always the one to contact her and ask if she wants to go eat some grub, come over or go catch a flick. So I realized this past Thursday that the last 3-4 times we've hung out, was because I initiated it. However, she was always eager and very enthusiastic to my requests to hang out, so it's not like she doesn't want too. So I thought to myself.. "okay, if she really wants to hang out this weekend, she will contact me...." I just think it's common curtsy to ask the other person if they want to hang out. Unless, ladies, do you expect the guys to make ALL the moves?? Anyways..

 

After a couple days of no contact on both of our parts, I decided I would text her late Saturday night because I really missed her. This is EXACTLY how the text conversation went down.

 

Me- "Hey you, whats up??"

Her- "Where did u come from?"

Me- "Um... okay?"

Her- "Okay?"

Me- "Where did I come from? Pretty rude..."

Her- "Rude? You said you would call me this weekend, never did... pretty rude"

Me- "Okay, I don't remember saying that at all, and when I do contact you don't answer with a smartass comment like that, kinda hurts.. and I didn't deserve it"

 

that was it. she never responded back to my last text, and that was Saturday night. Ladies, do you honestly expect the guys to make all the contact and arrangements for dates and to hang out? I don't even recall saying I would call her Saturday. I don't think I was to harsh in the text, she really did hurt me.

 

To say the least, I'm pretty pissed off. I think she made it pretty clear she doesn't have any regard for my feelings. But why all of a sudden? We were getting really close, this isn't like her at all. The fact she hasn't even contacted me since or respond shows a lot. We usually talk 2-3 times a day too, so not talking to her for 3 days straight is strange. Also, this isn't about games or "pride". I honestly feel that she doesn't deserve my contact after the way she responded to me and NOT even responding back after she knew she hurt me. What do you guys think I should do? Just wait for her to contact me, or contact her?

 

Thanks

[leo_s84]

She just got out of a 3 year relationship and is dating you after only 3 weeks. Definitely a rebound man, go find someone else who isn't invested and carrying baggage from previous relationships.

[MD Geist]

Give her some space for now

 

Iv'e been there before and even worst so your defnately not alone.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

If this girl is not yours[girlfriend] why do you call her two to three times per day?....you're killing attraction by smothering her.It is beyond my understanding how guys can smother girls by calling all the time and not seeming to have a life of their own .Give her some space and a chance to miss you.

[DN]

I think you did what many men accuse women of doing: you expected her to read your mind and you played games.

 

If you set a pattern of calling, arranging dates and so on and then expect her to read your mind that you want her to take a turn then you are going to be disappointed.

 

If you wanted her to do that you should have said so in clear language. "How about next time you call me and set up a date for something?"

 

That way you make it clear what your expectations are and if she won't do it then you can decide if you want to move on or accept her as she is.

 

And you were pretty confrontational in the phone call - not a good idea.

[ryan250]

If this girl is not yours[girlfriend] why do you call her two to three times per day?....you're killing attraction by smothering her.It is beyond my understanding how guys can smother girls by calling all the time and not seeming to have a life of their own .Give her some space and a chance to miss you.

 

I didn't call her 2-3 times a day. we both have AIM, and we would leave eachother messages and talk throughout the day while we were at work.

 

I think you did what many men accuse women of doing: you expected her to read your mind and you played games.

 

If you set a pattern of calling, arranging dates and so on and then expect her to read your mind that you want her to take a turn then you are going to be disappointed.

 

If you wanted her to do that you should have said so in clear language. "How about next time you call me and set up a date for something?"

 

That way you make it clear what your expectations are and if she won't do it then you can decide if you want to move on or accept her as she is.

 

And you were pretty confrontational in the phone call - not a good idea.

 

How was I confrontational?

[DN]

How was I confrontational?

 

 

Me- "Hey you, whats up??"

Her- "Where did u come from?"

Me- "Um... okay?"

Her- "Okay?"

Me- "Where did I come from? Pretty rude..."

Her- "Rude? You said you would call me this weekend, never did... pretty rude"

Me- "Okay, I don't remember saying that at all, and when I do contact you don't answer with a smartass comment like that, kinda hurts.. and I didn't deserve it"

That's how.

[Imprecision]

DN is right.

 

Plus, many women do expect men to make all the plans. Learn to take this in strides.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

I didn't call her 2-3 times a day. we both have AIM, and we would leave eachother messages and talk throughout the day while we were at work.

 

 

It's almost the same thing....she's not getting a chance to miss you.And yes you should have been cool and not confrontational.Girls don't like this behaviour especially so early on.

[never-too-late]

Hi there,

 

I think you were not wrong. She was a bit rude towards you. It looks like she expects you to do the work. Especially now that she is getting over her relationship.

 

I think you need to focus more on yourself as well. Do not give her all of your time.

 

Do not inititate all of your contact. It sounds like she is bitter. And the best thing is not to argue back.

 

As a woman, I can say that we can be very over analytical. If a guy says things like talk to you later.. we can spend hours with our girlfriends trying to figure out what does he mean by that. You might have said something like I'll call you later and she immediately thinks you are going to call.

 

I think it sounds to me that she is taking out on you some unresolved issues she has from her past relationship. It is not fair towards you. And I do not think you have played any games. You were trying to be fair and you were trying to see if you do not contact her, how much she is actually interested in spending time with you. I think you have done nothing wrong.

 

I would say, leave it alone and maybe a couple of days later, tell her that you hope she is well and that you hope you guys can meet up soon again and she wants to, she can let you know.

 

But to me she sounds a bit argumentative and unforgiving. These women are usually quite insecure and jelous. I think I would be very careful to get involved to be honest, it sounds like a rebound to me. Not like kindness and understanding in a nice relationship.

[ryan250]

That's how.

 

What was I supposed to do? Let it slide? She was rude, and I called her out on it.

 

Hi there,

 

I think you were not wrong. She was a bit rude towards you. It looks like she expects you to do the work. Especially now that she is getting over her relationship.

 

I think you need to focus more on yourself as well. Do not give her all of your time.

 

Do not inititate all of your contact. It sounds like she is bitter. And the best thing is not to argue back.

 

As a woman, I can say that we can be very over analytical. If a guy says things like talk to you later.. we can spend hours with our girlfriends trying to figure out what does he mean by that. You might have said something like I'll call you later and she immediately thinks you are going to call.

 

I think it sounds to me that she is taking out on you some unresolved issues she has from her past relationship. It is not fair towards you. And I do not think you have played any games. You were trying to be fair and you were trying to see if you do not contact her, how much she is actually interested in spending time with you. I think you have done nothing wrong.

 

I would say, leave it alone and maybe a couple of days later, tell her that you hope she is well and that you hope you guys can meet up soon again and she wants to, she can let you know.

 

But to me she sounds a bit argumentative and unforgiving. These women are usually quite insecure and jelous. I think I would be very careful to get involved to be honest, it sounds like a rebound to me. Not like kindness and understanding in a nice relationship.

 

I'm going to call her when she gets off work tonight, get this straight. We are obviously both being stubborn about this and also both believe that the other person is in the wrong. Childish, and I really don't feel like dealing with this type of game. What kind of relationship can survive without some solid communication? So she will either care to resolve things or won't care at all. Either way, it's a win-win for me.

[DN]

There is a difference between calling someone on something and being aggressive. Asi n so many things it's not so much what you say as the way you say it

[ryan250]

Well I just got off the phone with her. This is how the conversation went down. I was very NON-CONFRONTATIONAL. But the overall vibe was she really didn't care. Unfortunately.

 

Me- "How was work, you sure had a long night huh?"

Her- "Yup, we had some late customers.. blah blah blah"

Me- "Well the reason I was calling was to clear some of the mis-communication up from Saturday night.

Her- "yeah, I was really drunk, I could barley see the screen, I don't even know what I said"

Me- "Well you could have at least messaged me back"

Her- "I passed out, I didn't mean anything bad about that message"

Me- Oh okay, well I just wanted to make sure you were not mad at me"

Her- "nope"

Me- Okay, good, well do you want to hang out tomarrow night?"

Her-"sure"

Me-"Okay well i will call ya tomorrow night then"

Her-"okay, cya later"

Me-Goodnight"

 

Well I'm sure we will bring this up a bit more tomorrow when we hang out. She could have at least apologized, after all, she knew she hurt me a bit with that comment. Strike 1. People who use alcohol as an excuse to act like a jag. Turn-off!

[leo_s84]

I still don't see where and why does she owe you an apology, if anything you owe her one.

[Yates33]

You need to grow up, toughen up and be a man bro. You're hurt? Come on! She called you rude, and that hurts your feelings? I am not surprised she didn't ditch you on the spot and run away! I do not mean to bash you, but if anything, you are the one that needs to apoligize. Look at the overwhelming majority responding to your thread, they all agree, you are at fault. You said it yourself; she accepted your dates with enthusiasm and never gave you a reason for you to doubt her attraction towards you. What else do you need? Most women, expect you to make most of the planning, its normal, you ever dated before?

 

I still can't get over the fact that you told her your feelings were hurt because she called you rude.