qwerty1984 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 my ex, who i am still kind of seeing says he sees no future with us (he's moving back to paris in 3 weeks) but says he still loves me... we are all loved up again and i am waiting for a fall on 20th july when he leaves... i don't know whether to keep up with the hope that i might be able to get back with him one day... what do you think the chances are if he says he still loves me but doesn't see a future (bear in mind that he says he doesn't see any of his future... he has no idea what will happen).... Could this work?? (my plan is to, if i still feel this way, in 6 months time, go out to Paris and tell him and see what he says)... ?? Any advice much appreciated! Thanks! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I think hes made his mind up. you'd be better off just letting yourself move on from him and find someone who is SURE they want to be with you. Link to comment
qwerty1984 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 TO BLUEAFTERGLOW very difficult when he's such an incredible guy, he looks at me like he loves me, he talks to me like he loves me, he touches me like he loves me.... he knows me, i know him, i love him, he says i'm the only person he can talk to properly, about anything.... feels like i'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me and i dont want anyone else... Link to comment
rose2summer Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Being someone who went through a long-distance relationship that spanned nearly 4000 miles apart, I can say most people who were also in my boat, would say move on. I have seen many people cheat, my married couples cheat, distance does things to you... Long distance of a few states away is one thing, but different countries, you will always wonder what he is doing, and doing without you. Beside he says there is no future there. Hugs, Rose Link to comment
rose2summer Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 he looks at me like he loves me, he talks to me like he loves me, he touches me like he loves me.... he knows me, i know him, i love him, he says i'm the only person he can talk to properly, about anything.... These are all words, what actions has he done to show he loves you? Ignore words, look at actions. Besides even his words are weak, he is saying he doesn't see a future. Link to comment
qwerty1984 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 do you think it's ok though?? if i still feel this way.... to go over to paris (not that far from london) and tell him??? (lets say in december!?) Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Why don't you ask him NOW about going over to Paris and see what his reaction is? Is is possible he's just using you for sex until he goes away? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but, it could be the truth. After all...he's your ex for a reason. Why doesn't he want to get back together and have a LDR? Link to comment
rose2summer Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 You can wait and see, but you have to be understanding that if he moves on, he already forewarned you by saying, he doesn't see a future. It's up to you, but you may cause yourself more pain. Hugs, Rose Link to comment
qwerty1984 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 i'm ready for more pain, it's worth it for how happy he makes me at the moment... yes, he probably is in a way using me for sex, and company.... we've already established that this is nothing and he's going to paris, and that's it.... CAN YOU THINK OF WAYS TO TEST HIS LOVE??? (through actions rather than words??) Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Wow... could you handle a LDR with a guy in Paris? I mean how often will you see each other? You may have to let this one go. Link to comment
qwerty1984 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 badman: it would be worth it, for me.... Link to comment
deang Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I'd say the best for you would be to end it now and let him go to Paris knowing you aren't waiting for him. Don't tell him anything let him figure it out when he leaves...if what you say about the love is true then he's not going to let distance stop him. Let go for now and start building a life without him and see what the future holds. He thinks he needs to leave so let him leave and find out what life is like without you...he may not like it as much as he thinks he's going to. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 i'm ready for more pain, it's worth it for how happy he makes me at the moment... yes, he probably is in a way using me for sex, and company.... we've already established that this is nothing and he's going to paris, and that's it.... CAN YOU THINK OF WAYS TO TEST HIS LOVE??? (through actions rather than words??) No...I can't think of a way, and what will you do if he says "no" when you ask him in December if he wants you to come visit? Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 badman: it would be worth it, for me.... Good luck with that. I hope everything works out for you. Link to comment
qwerty1984 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 i'm going to stay with him until he goes, partly because i want him to look back on this period, but also because all our friends are the same, so it's * * * * for them and us... but when he goes i will try not to do what i'm doing at the moment during the day (he messages me first and we go back and forth all day).... i'll leave replies for a few days, let him get lonely and stuff.... it's cruel but i'll try HOW CAN I TRY TO TEST HIS LOVE? I know there's not much point.... Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Honey you don't test love. Love tests you. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 i'm going to stay with him until he goes, partly because i want him to look back on this period, but also because all our friends are the same, so it's * * * * for them and us... but when he goes i will try not to do what i'm doing at the moment during the day (he messages me first and we go back and forth all day).... i'll leave replies for a few days, let him get lonely and stuff.... it's cruel but i'll try HOW CAN I TRY TO TEST HIS LOVE? I know there's not much point.... the only way you'll be able to test it is when he's gone. if he let's you come and see him in December. But I'm afraid if he says no, you'll be devastated. Will you be able to handle it if he tells you not to come in December? I hate to see you set yourself up for heartache. Link to comment
qwerty1984 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 he probably won't say no, but who knows.... we are such good friends too.... Link to comment
qwerty1984 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 i know i'm setting myself up for it.... but i am happy to just in case i can have him Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Sometimes when people know that things are just short term, they are much more free with their emotions and i love yous, because they know they don't have to back them up with getting more serious. So flings can be quite exciting and dramatic, but they fizzle very rapidly once the person is gone and has moved on. So he may really enjoy you, but if he has no intention to make it permanent by moving here, or you moving there, then there really is no future. You don't have to 'test' him because he will be leaving in 3 weeks, and you'll find out pretty quickly how much you really mean to him. Most people will not go for long spells of time without dating someone else, so if you wait 6 months to see him again, he may well be dating someone else there by then. So i'd take it as a fun fling, and IF he misses you and changes his mind about trying to permanently get together with one or the other of you moving it might work. But most LDRs fizzle out unless there are plans to move to the same city together in the works, or there is a deeper commitment like marriage and people live apart for a while due to work or other issues. Link to comment
qwerty1984 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 i guess it'll kill me if i find out he's dating someone else in paris... but i don't think it's proof of anything if he isn't by December.... i don't want an LDR to happen... i would move there to be with him or nothing... so it would be ok, if (not likely), that did happen.... Link to comment
Artop Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I think you have to let him go, sooner the better. My ex used the same words/excuse with me. At the same time, he was also saying there was a chance we may get back together. I wanted to believe him so badly, but of course, it was all talk. Watch his actions. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Hey qwerty He says he loves you but that he doesn't see a future with you. That doesn't make any sense - and I think he is just keeping you dangling around and making things comfortable for himself until he leaves. And you know what - you have no idea what a massive fall you are setting yourself up for here, come July when he leaves - without you. You say he is so wonderful and worth all the potential pain? Really? I don't mean to sound harsh but you have the sun shining out of his preferbial here. I think Deang is right - walk away for now - with a bit of self respect intact and not hang around as some whiney puppy under the table happy for any scraps that he may toss your way. Nobody knows what the future holds, but for now, he has made it clear that it is not a future with you. I don't know you from adam but I just don't want to see you come back here in a total mess because he has gone. To my mind he already left. Mark Link to comment
dream83 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I think he's likely answering all your questions, but you maybe don't want to hear it? He says he sees no future with you. He says what you're doing now is "nothing." He says he's going to Paris, and that's that. It sounds to me like he's having his fun and possibly enjoying watching you grovel over him. Can you imagine the ego boost he's likely getting right now? Even if that's not the case, I think you can/should walk away right now with your dignity. If he really loves you and wants you, he will express this eventually. But, right now he doesn't he have a chance to miss you, let alone feel like he's losing you by going. You're right there chasing him. It might be a good idea to put some space b/t the two of you now. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 He says he sees no future with you. He says what you're doing now is "nothing." He says he's going to Paris, and that's that. It sounds to me like he's having his fun and possibly enjoying watching you grovel over him. Can you imagine the ego boost he's likely getting right now? *clang* *clang* As the hammer hits the nail on the head. Link to comment
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