joesonlineaucs Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 We're both 19, we go to the same college and are both home for the summer in a temp LDR. @ 1.5 hours away cause of the summer break. She says, "She loves me" , and "Thinks we could very well be forever". We've been together about 2.5 months now and known and liked each other for 5 months (or since we first met, possibly fate). Even though she says this stuff.... I still always am having to text her first (or it seems like it), or setup times for her to call "when she is available", not me. At times I feel I might be making myself "too available" in which case she may or may not be taking advantage. However, sometimes I think one thing and it's completely wrong of how she feels. The problem is, I always have to confront her about situations on the phone, because she likes "avoiding confrontation", which is fine, but that's no excuse to try to hide your feelings. I mean I can't just pick this stuff out of the air all the time and I shouldn't. She's mega outgoing, but with relationships she can't let me know if there's something wrong. So, when I think something is wrong I ask her "Are you ok with things so far in the relationship", sometimes I feel like a broken record... I mean she texts me... but it seems like its ONLY when shes not with friends, almost like I'm a 'backup'. I mean dont get me wrong I dont want every sparing moment talking to her, but I just feel like it's genuine... if you get what i mean I mean I saw her last weekend, going to see her this weekend for the 4th she invited me there... its not like she doesn't want to hang out....hmm I dont know maybe I'm just blabbering... anyone >? Thanks Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Blabbering...yep just blabbering.... No, just kidding. I think you are just being a little too critical. It is obvious you are really into her. Maybe she has a small guard up (women tend to do this if hurt before). Just keep doing what you are doing, you will see her this weekend and everything will be a-o.k! Link to comment
joesonlineaucs Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Blabbering...yep just blabbering.... No, just kidding. I think you are just being a little too critical. It is obvious you are really into her. Maybe she has a small guard up (women tend to do this if hurt before). Just keep doing what you are doing, you will see her this weekend and everything will be a-o.k! Guard in what respect ? Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Well, it sounds like you are sucking a lot of the fun out of this new relationship by being really needy. I still always am having to text her first (or it seems like it), or setup times for her to call "when she is available", not me. At times I feel I might be making myself "too available" in which case she may or may not be taking advantage. I think you are contacting her way too much. You said in one of your other threads that when you were swimming with your buddies, you still texted her every 1/2 hour- too much! Just enjoy yourself with your friends- you don't need to be in constant contact! The problem is, I always have to confront her about situations on the phone, because she likes "avoiding confrontation", which is fine, but that's no excuse to try to hide your feelings. I mean I can't just pick this stuff out of the air all the time and I shouldn't. She's mega outgoing, but with relationships she can't let me know if there's something wrong. So, when I think something is wrong I ask her "Are you ok with things so far in the relationship", sometimes I feel like a broken record... I would get really sick of my bf constantly asking me if I was OK with the relationship, if anything was wrong, etc. It makes you seem VERY insecure. It's exhausting to be on the receiving end of this. I mean she texts me... but it seems like its ONLY when shes not with friends, almost like I'm a 'backup'. You want her to be texting you when she is hanging out with her friends? Why? Let her enjoy herself and talk to her afterwards. I think you are placing way too many demands on her. I mean I saw her last weekend, going to see her this weekend for the 4th she invited me there... its not like she doesn't want to hang out....hmm I think she likes you, wants to see, wants to talk to you, but does not want or need to be in constant contact with you, and does do other stuff, and isn't available to talk or text when she is busy with friends or family. I think you need to really chill out- enjoy seeing her and enjoy talking to her when you are both free, but stop this need for constant contact, and stop asking her if everything is OK, if she's mad, etc. Link to comment
joesonlineaucs Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Actually an incredible reply. Thank you. I realize I need to chill out. So for instance today she had a camp to go to (which she runs), well I didn't text her all morning and at 1030 she texted me saying what's up .... so i dont exactly think all the burden is on myself.... I mean she still texts me every hour and a half, even if she talked to be an hour ago saying "Whats up" But, she already does this on occasion. Even when she was at work today when she "had a break" from teaching she texted me. I mean what i'm trying to say is i am no where NEAR the point where I'm the only one doing the communication. Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 As in guarding her heart from being broken. Its a type of self defense mechinism we use. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I mean what i'm trying to say is i am no where NEAR the point where I'm the only one doing the communication. Oh, I didn't mean to imply that. I think she does want to talk to you and contact you, etc. but the part you need to work on is when you start getting agitated and asking her what is wrong if she doesn't text every hour, etc. It sounds like things are going good, and you just need to chill and enjoy this new relationship and not worry so much. I'm sure you'll have a blast over the 4th weekend! Link to comment
joesonlineaucs Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 asking her what is wrong if she doesn't text every hour, etc. Yeah me too. I dont ask her what is wrong, I just saying this like every couple of weeks or so "So, how do you feel about the relationship? So far I think everything is going well, do you agree ?" Link to comment
Lamprey Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Yeah, that's bad. If something was wrong you'd probably know, or you should trust her to tell you. When you just ask out of the blue you come accross as insecure. Link to comment
joesonlineaucs Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Ok Im taking everyone's advice here and learning : I just need to really chill out with it before I mess it up. Link to comment
angiebragg2002 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Gosh...at nineteen how do you guys know who you will love for the rest of your lives. If I were you I would slow waaay down. I hate to sound like a mom, but you really don't have a clear idea at that age what you really want in a partner. Link to comment
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