Its like she broke up with me all over again

[poochy]

Hi people,

 

Thanks for reading. here's background if you feel like reading

 

Few days back I posted a thread about when my ex was dreaming about me and asking if I was ok.

 

Well back on thursday she called me, at first just catching up and stuff. I got a feeling she had something else to tell beside just the catch up. We eventually got on to talks about marriage and stuff, whether we were getting pressure from family to get married. She then asked if we would tell each other if we found someone, she then went on to explain the dream she had about me. She said that in the dream I had found someone new, who I was very much in love with. She said she woke up in quite a panic and didn't like the dream one bit and had to text we as soon as she got up.

 

The dream got her thinking and she felt she needed to get something off her chest. At this point several things went through my mind, one of which was that she had second thoughts about us. She was struggling to talk , it sounded like she was about to cry. I couldn't wait for her to compose her self as my heart was racing like anything, so I asked if I could take a guess. I said " your gonna tell me that your back with your ex, aren't you", I had recently seen the two together in a car and they seem to super poke each other alot on facebook. She said she is really sorry that it was him, because she had promised me when we were dating she would never go back to him. I told her that those promises don't mean anymore, people can change and it doesn't really matter who you were with I'd still feel the same. Her ex was the biggest **** I knew, but I told her for her sake I hope he is good to her now.

 

By this time she was crying her eyes out and said that she had a massive dark cloud over her and she needed to tell me. She kept asking me how I felt about her, at first I was reluctant ( didn't see the point) but then I thought this was the only time I can actually tell her everything on my mind. I told her all the things I was going through, why I was distant and how I would check her facebook all the time. She said she really misses me and thought about me all the time and hated that I would never contact her (said that I was really good at this). She said she would always look at my facebook and would hate it when a new girl would post on my wall. She asked me if had been with anyone, i told her no, she asked why and I said I just wasn't ready. She her self told me that she had not been with anyone until now.

 

Several times in the conversation she told me that her relationship with her ex was only at the beginning and it may not even work out, but she feels he has changed (great!! i thought to myself so have I lol). She said that I'm making it out like we're married and I said that it was better for me to think that way. She said that she considers me to be her best friend and she always sees me in her life. We talked about her birthday (which is coming up in August) and I said that it is gonna be really hard for me to see them together. She said she's been thinking about this and other times we would meet a lot (we have same circle of friends). She said she would not even invite him to her birthday for me, I asked why, she said because I come 1st for her. I told her that that doesn't make sense at all and she shouldn't do that for me. Me finding it hard is my problem.

 

We had been on the phone for well over 3 hours, I'd have a massive lump in my throat and she'd be crying and breathing heavy for the most part. I could tell that she didn't want me to go, but I felt I had said everything I needed to say. I thanked her for being a big part of my life, she said she didn't like the way I was saying this, but i continued. I said I hope that one day either of us change how they love each other and said that I hope they are happy together and if he loved her half as much as I do they will be. I ended it by saying I will miss her and I love her. She replied by saying she loves me too.

 

About 20 mins after the phone call was over she text me saying " I dnt expect u to reply, but i just wanted u to knw that i really miss u and love u. This feels like breaking up with u all over again. Im gna take a step back from coming out with u guys and stuff but if or whenever u want me there, just let me know and i will be. Night (bye) x"

 

I haven't spoken to her since, I feel really lost. I thought if i ever found out she was seeing someone it would set me free. I feel worse than before

[bambina maxima]

oooohhh my.

 

What can I say, except this kind of talking is going to get you both into a whole big whopping mess of drama, hurt, confusion, and more.

 

I'm sure she isn't trying to be malicious, but she is effectively keeping you on the side while she pursues this other thing. You are her ego boost and her 2nd option. And she is also not doing her current boyfriend any favors. I feel bad for both of you (you and her current bf).

 

I strongly advocate no contact. This doesn't mean you have to stop caring, but you need to stop being all up in her life right now. It will not end well. I know you love her, but at the moment, I have zero tolerance for this kind of emotional BS.

 

The reason the knowledge hasn't set you free, btw, is because she isn't really committed to this guy. If she was, she would never be on the phone for three hours with you telling you you're her #1. Messed up, so messed up. Please, for your own sanity, try to extract yourself from this mess of a woman. She has issues! She needs to resolve them without you holding her hand.

[poochy]

Hi Bambina thanks for the reply.

 

My itentions are to keep NC for aslong as I can, I don't want to be stuck in a love triangle or anything. It does feel tougher this time round not to contact her, strange I would have thought it would have given me more strength, seeing as it was my decision.

 

The otherday I checked her facebook ( I know I shouldn't), she had deleted all the winks sent by him to her, I guess because I had mentioned I saw them. Another thing that I didn't mention about the phone call was that she said she keeps all the things I gave her even closer to her. Things like pillows teddies and even a photo of me when I was a baby in her wallet. She said she still wears the necklace I gave her and that she told her new/old boyfriend he shouldn't bother getting her a necklace as she's not taking off this one. * * * !!?????

 

I have no problem caring for her, but I hate that i'm not free from her.

[IMAbadman]

No contact other than a few choice words,

 

"When your single maybe we'll talk about possibly dating again. Good bye."