i feel out of control and don't know what's wrong with me.

[babybear]

I am 19 years old, I used to regard sex as special and went out with a guy for three years and loved him and stuff.

 

This past year though after breaking up with him I feel like I have gone down a slippery road and i don't know if i am ill mentally or if this is normal...

 

This past year I have had sex with four different guys, I give in straight away if I like them I don't hang around. With the first of the four I felt AWFUL the next day like worthless, sad etc because none of these people have been with me in any kind of relationship besides sex buddy. But when I sleep with guys now I feel nothing I don't care I don't feel empty I just feel completely indifferent. I have slept with two guys within two days and just feel like I'm slowly becoming less of a nice girl and more of a tramp. I smoke pot a lot in the last few months and tried ketamine. I am binge drinking at least twice a week. I feel like running away. I want a boyfriend but when I come close to getting one I go all weird and feel out of control and just sort of freak out rather than go with the flow and see what happens, i over-analyse everything and get upset really easily.

 

When I was with my ex he cheated on me and I vowed I'd never do cheating but I have pulled two guys in the last couple of months who both have girlfriends and I feel absolutely no remorse and would pull them again i know it's wrong but that feeling inside me like guilt or whatever just does not exist. And I quite like this one guy who i slept with the other week but then I just started sleeping with this other guy the last few days without even giving him a thought. Now I've slept with 6 people and i'm very conscious of my number not gettting too high.

 

I just wanted to get my thoughts out really and wondered if i'm normal...

[bramage]

You should get therapy. Im not being mean, I'm serious. There are a lot of people on here with different issues, and many if not most of us have found therapy to be very helpful. We form all of our ideas and thought patterns when we are young, and often we get it wrong. I waited until I was twice you age to seek help, and I really wish I would have done it years ago. I have had a lot of bad relationships because I didn't know how to think, and didn't know how to act.

 

See if you cant get an appointment with a therapist in your area, your health insurance should cover it, and tell them your story. They may have you go through a class or something, but it really does work, and you will come out the other side a pereon who can cope, and live, and love.

[Batya33]

I agree with the previous poster. One of my friend's daughters, one year older than you, went through a phase like that when she was your age. Now she has two STDs (none fatal) and is finding it hard to find a man to date who is not scared of contracting an STD.

[Godless_Heathen]

You're seriously depressed. You need to talk to someone, now.

 

This is not about being a "tramp." Forget the word "tramp" and its synonyms. Throw away the concept of "giving in" to sex, if it's something you want, you aren't "giving in" to anyone. The issue is that you aren't enjoying it, and the drugs / alcohol are another indicator that you're searching for something that will make you feel less bad.