giving up because I can't find anyone

[icarus27]

It takes so much effort to re-focus on other aspects of my life, to keep telling myself that even if my personal life is not what I want it to be, I can continue to live in other ways. I have just spent an abysmal night, and who knows I will spend many more, now that a promising prospect, a girl I had really started to get to know, has ended things.

 

I have spent the whole night, in between fits of sleep, waking up only for the whole memory of the rejection to come back into my tired mind and hit me with its full force, again and again. I've been crying down the phone to the workers on a depression helpline and maybe there will be many more like this.

 

I can't take it. I'm weeping because I don't want to go back to the awful, awful place I was once in after the break-up years ago that tore the existence out of me. I'm weeping because I think of calling up my dad who I am distant from and saying, "Dad please help me, I can't go on like this anymore". I'm weeping because I couldn't make my life work, I can't attract anyone.

[anken]

yeah we are alone and you are feeling it. I suspect that you are a needy person emotionally and that you have perhaps tried too hard with these women as I have.

I have had many relationships some, most have broken my heart, others, few I have broken theirs and I am sorry that i did. You will be on top one day, this is not your fault but you have to get out there and meet more women. Stop thinking that each one will be the one. Finding a life partner is hard my friend

[skyblue1]

Hey icarus27,

 

Please don't let people bring you down. Why would you want to end it because a girl thats waste your time? You are better than that trust me you must be strong and move on. Lots of people are in your situation including me - i'm always meeting men and getting rejected- why should that afford my whole life it shouldn't. Your still young you have lots of things to look forward to. Best way i can only advice you is by letting her go it will take time -but you can do it - have faith in yourself

[icarus27]

Anken, Skyblue,

 

Thanks to you both. Please believe me, I don't go to each date thinking she is the one. It takes time for me to let someone in too. But in this case I did. I judged the risks, telling myself that even if it does not last forever, there is a chance we can have a meaningful time together for who knows how long. Isn't life about giving it a chance?

 

I feel she is too much of a perfectionist to let that happen and she admitted herself that she has limited experience with men.

 

I'm 30, and I've cornered myself into a career, into a city where my personal life is going nowhere. I've sat with my head in my hands at night, unable to decide what to do. Such pain is a signal that something has to change in my life, but WHAT? I cannot even bear to consider online dating anymore. I can't bear to think of how month after month, I've put on a brave face, emailed tons of women sounding bright and optimistic when inside my heart was falling into a dark cave of despair. I can't do this anymore.

 

I didn't want this kind of lonely life. What use is me being successful in my career when there is nothing else? To me, having someone to care for and be cared for, has always been more important.

[mca1975]

Dear Icarus, Im so sorry that you are feeling so very low. How long have you felt like this? Reaching out to your dad for help sounds like a good idea. Ask for help, dont be afraid. Please do not allow yourself to continue feeling like this, go outside, look at the sun and think of the wonderful things life has to offer, the opportunities. It sounds like you dont have a problem meeting people, you just need to work on your self-esteem. You will meet someone else. Everyone gets lonely, find solace in friends and family.

 

xxxx

[skyblue1]

You need a break from online dating sounds to me like. I'm trying not to go those dating sites - causes more stress must to keep away from them for a while. Do you go out much with friends? Do things with your friends maybe try and keep your focus off ladies for a bit.

[brando]

Icarus,

 

maybe a relationship is the last thing you need now. it sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself and your dates to have a relationship.

perhaps you need to spend more time with you and become comfortable with that prior to beginning a new relationship.

just because you make being in a relationship an highly important goal in your life, it doesn't mean you cannot change that to a less important goal, at least for now. Focus on othe rthings.

 

Take that pressure off of finding a siginificant other, it will only cause you more problems with the next person you begin dating.

 

be well

brando

[anken]

My life has been for my children now for ten years and it is very hard to find a partner to accept that. I gave up any chace of a career to care for them and I have found it hard to accept that I have no other purpose in life. My parents, my Dad told me she left me because I have no career, but I have heard many times that the person who loves you will not care about what you do but who you are. We are all looking for happiness and a partner and it seems that love is just not enough any more

[mca1975]

Icarus, I agree with Brando, maybe this trying to find someone is just putting enormous pressure on you and when you get your hopes up, they are dashed and its devastating to you. I am the same. I have a great social life and lots of interest, but I do get rejected and it hurts like nothing else. But after a few weeks of feeling low, my friends bring me back up, take me out, we dance, have good times and then I realise that there is nothing better really than my friends, because they are always there and never reject me.

 

You need to stop the search. Just live, and find things to do to fulfill you. Do you not love music? I get lonely at times as I live alone so I create projects for myself to keep me occupied, its great fun, maybe you could try that?

 

x

[icarus27]

You need a break from online dating sounds to me like.

 

I have not been a quitter in my life. But I have to hang my head in shame and quit this.

 

Icarus, maybe a relationship is the last thing you need now. it sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself and your dates to have a relationship.

............

Take that pressure off of finding a siginificant other, it will only cause you more problems with the next person you begin dating.

 

 

brando,

i wouldn't say that i put pressure. i got to know this girl slowly and steadily, and we were both surprised at how well we communicated. all i wanted was for that to be a good foundation on which to take things forward.

 

mca,

Thank you. I don't think I can turn to my parents. All I have been able to think of this last night, that all the doors are closing, I am stuck in this room and suffocating on the pain of years.

[mca1975]

Icarus, why dont you get a bit angry. I find that helps, as it drives you. Gives you some energy.

 

I dont mean angry with anyone, but with life and for whats happened. Why should you give up when you deserve so much more!!!???

 

Do you not have the right to have a fulfilling life, like other people you see around you? Of course you do, you need to stop this right now. Get up listen to some music and start fighting. You just said youre not a quitter, well you are starting to sound like one (in the nicest possible way).

 

x