Second Thoughts

[wondering]

My bf and I just recently broke up after a 2 1/2 relationship because he met someone else that he felt attracted to and wanted to date. I don't have any hard feelings or regrets because if he met someone that he's meant to be with, then he should be with her. We are on friendly terms. No, we're not seeing each other or sleeping together.

Since he and I had a relationship, of course, we know and have accepted each other, are comfortable with each other, had good times, etc. They are in the getting to know each other stage and she wants to take things slow and of course, there is no way to tell how things are going to turn out. Recently he has been calling me and telling me how he misses me, that maybe he made the wrong decision, that we were compatible, that he loves me, etc. He came over on Christmas and his kisses were passionate. The day after Christmas, he came over again and cooked us breakfast and we exchanged gifts. Again, his kisses were passionate.

At this point, he has not made a decision to stop seeing her and come back to me (that's another question). My question is he is starting to doubt his decision and is he thinking about coming back to me or is this just a normal phase in a new dating relationship or is he really have second thoughts about what he is doing?

[cawls]

sorry to hear about your sistuation. its hard been friends with someone you loved especially when you were with them for so long. you cant let your ex just walk back in if he has made the wrong descision in my view, because if they have walked out once they will probs do it again. what i suggest is if he has made the wrong descision is tell him that he can not just walk back to you that easily. you must talk about the situation and sort things from there. if you ask me from a lads point of view he is enjoying the attention from the girls, mebies he doesnt like her as much as he thought or she isnt the person he first thought and wants you back. i am not to sure about this 1. there are lots of people out there who will love you for what you are, have a think mebies the break up was for the best. when me gf finished with me i was gutted but now i realise it was for the best, however she doesnt even want to be friends with me

[kuhl282000]

Hey girl

 

Sounds to me you are in a pretty good space in your head. I'm not sure I could handle it as well as you are. Gob bless you for that. Sounds to me that your ex stills cares about you, and sounds to me you still care about him or you would not be here. It also sounds like he is getting his cake and eat it to. I don't like that part. For me I do not do triangle relationships. If I'm going to be with one person, it is that person ALONE.

I just broke -up with my ex, who went back with her old ex. We have not had a word since then. And I'm not one bit interested in hearing about what she is doing with her ex. I'm also not interested in being friends. So I think you are doing pretty well considering what you said. And at least the kisses are still passionate, and that is important. At least for me it would be. I suggest you have a sit down with this guy, and ask if he wants to put things back where they were. That of course , if that are your wishes. He has to get rid of the third party, and that would be like yesterday.

 

Good Luck

Kuhl

[ertman420]

In your situation, if he has broken up with you and left you for another woman, you should not be letting him kiss you, etc. Since he has another girlfriend, he should be at her house, shouldn't he? If he really wants you back, he will ditch the other girl completely and work hard to do whatever it takes to get you back. Don't go back to him so easily, or else he will know that whenever he meets another girl he wants to hook up with, he can just ditch you, have fun with the new girl, and that you will be just waiting there ready to take him back whenever he feels like it. That is not being fair to yourself. Ask him flat out if he wants to get back with you, or if he wants to continue seeing this other girl. Don't accept non-definitive answers from him. Lay it out for him: it's a clear choice; me or the other girl. Somebody said it right- you're letting him have his cake and eat it too.

[wondering]

Thanks for the responses but at this point we're not getting back together. I enjoyed kissing him and hoped that it will make him realize what he is missing. He is not calling asking me out, we're not dating, we have no future plans. He has expressed that he misses me, wonders if he made the wrong decision. I just didn't know if he is thinking about coming back or if he is just confused about what he is doing. You are right there is no way I will go back to seeing him unless he gets rid of the other woman.

[Mar]

I have to agree with ertman....if he felt strongly enough attracted to this other woman that he broke up with you for her, he certainly has no right for "passionate kisses!" Being friends is one thing-but he has to accept the choices he made and the boundaries he's now set up in taking those choices.

 

There's nothing wrong with continuing being friends with him since you've accepted it in such a mature manner, but let him know that he also has to accept his role as "friend" and don't allow him those kisses or intimacy anymore. Otherwise he's taking advantage of your good graces and winning the best of both worlds. He knows who he's supposed to go to if he wants a kiss, and it isn't you!

 

Mar