I feel guilty!!!!

[Kristinv18]

theres this girl Ive known during high school. She always had trouble meeting people and she was really shy so I thought I could be her friend because nobody wanted to. She wasn't a great friend but I knew i should be there for her because no one else would. I recently had a party and invited her to be nice and now she thinks were best friends and calls me all the time. Its really sad because i guess i talk to people and they say she doesn't hang out with anyone. This girl has had some psychological problems and lets say she can be a real pain in the a@#. Im afraid if I do hang around her shell just be overpowering and if i dont im afraid she will do something terrible to herself and i dont wanna be responsible for that. She tried to kill her self in the past and shes not stable. What should i do?

[dont_know_what_2_say]

oh my goodness

i'm in the same situation (kind of)

this girl who i befriended because we were going through some of the same problems, tells everyone now that we're best friends, and that we've been best friends since high school (and back then i talked to her once or twice.......)

wants to have albums of our pictures together etc.etc.

 

the best thing you can do, is slowly distance yourself from her

stop answering her calls, or take a while to reply to a text she might send you.. etc.etc.

as of now thats what i do

she used to call me a million times a day just to talk about NOTHING

i got so tired that i put on an answering machine, and let the machine get it (i don't have caller ID so i wouldn't know if it was her that called) so with the answering machine i would know it was her and just not answer and pretend i;m not there...and told all my other friends to leave a message and i would answer..

 

just not indulge her...

so maybe she'll get tired of you taking your time to answer and decide she doesn't want to be friends with you on her own, or at least know that you're not her best friend...

 

i don't know.. like i said thats what i'm doing to deal with the situation but i still haven't reached an actual outcome

 

but now she doesn't call as often as she did before

 

maybe once or twice a week (so it does work)

[Imprecision]

You should be loyal to your friend. Moreover, you should try to find out her good qualities, instead of regarding her as inferior.

 

Nevertheless, it can be annoying when someone calls you too often. The solution is to introduce her to more people. She'll then call them instead.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

hmmm, on the other hand..

if you care about this girl, why not introduce her to your friends? make her a part of your group to get her out of her shell? that way her attention is not based solely on you but she'll have other friends to talk to...

[big greg]

Imprecision said it, instead of focusing on bad qualities try to focus on her good qualities. Everyone can be a pain in the @$$ sometimes. You never know, this chick might end up saving your life or helping you out bigtime in the future because you didn't just bail out on befriending her because she got annoying, she could be there for you when you need it most.

I have a suicidal friend like that who has depression but never takes meds for it, so his mood is always about something pessimistic or "poor me" and it's always the same, and he can be a REAL pain in the ass sometimes... but he's still one of my good friends because of the select good qualities he has and the fact that I don't focus on his bad side and let it overcome the friendship.

You CAN show somebody what it's like to be good friends with them without letting them overwhelm your life. So she calls alot? Don't answer every single time, but don't ignore every single call... answer them every now and then, just enough so that she doesn't think you're ignoring her but enough that it isn't always bothering you. You don't have to be chatty kathy with her when time is idle, but there is nothing wrong with being there for her when she needs someone to talk to. You can just tell her that you enjoy being her friend, but that you aren't a chatty kathy who loves talking every single day (even if you are, you can use it as an excuse.. I have before).

[Jayar]

My response to this situation would be to help her network. Maybe join link removed and go to a few hikes or dinner meets or card games with her, then hopefully wean her off you and onto a new circle of friends. What do you think?

 

It'd be the most work-intensive way for you, but might be the best in the long run for her. I'm always looking to work on my karma.

[Lana0120]

Spend time with her, but distance yourself from her a bit (e.g. don't always be available when she wants to hang out). Also, do things which will give her the opportunity to meet new people and maybe gain a bit more confidence.

[Kristinv18]

She has really bad social anxiety and every time we go out she gets nervous and says she wants to go home and that she doesn't like anybody. She says really inappropriate things to people and it makes everybody feel uncomfortable because shes trying to hard to make friends. i mean i know what its like to be in her shoes its hard meeting new people and being yourself around them but it seems that when ever a group of people hang out with her, she cant relax. I don't know ill see how it goes but thanks for the advice. it means alot