Is this just typical stage of relationship or is it going down hill?

[EmilyE]

So I have been dating a guy for over 4 months, we are both 26, and it has been amazing. He is everything I have ever wanted and really makes me happy. Everything moved pretty quickly, we said I love you, and we have talked about being together forever, etc. But, about a month ago he got a great job opportunity in a different state and moved away. I am looking to move there as well as I used to live in that same town and have family there, but for the time being we have agreed to do long distance.

 

When he first left we would say I love you and miss you a million times a day, i missed him so much, yada yada. Then this last weekend i went to visit him for the first time, and for some reason it kinda just felt like the spark is dwindling. He can be really stubburn and always think he is right, so he almost argued w/ me a few times. Also, when times are tough for him, he seems to get in bad moods and take it out on me a bit. He ALWAYS apologizes afterward, but for some reaosn it has been somewhat of a turn off.

 

I just dont know if this is a phase or if the relationship is slowly fading because of the distance, lack of things in common now that he is gone, and the "excitement" dying down.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

I know i should probably just wait it out and see what happens, but my biggest issue is that i had planned on moving to his town, mostly for him. Now I am questioning it, and afraid that if i do move there, within a few months i will be "sick of him" and regret the decision. What would you guys do?

 

I dont know if this makes any sense or if I conveyed my issue very well, but I just had to get it out in writing. Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated!

 

Thanks, EE.

[greywolf]

Well relationships normally die down a little bit after awhile. But I find it odd that when you visited him you had trouble. In ldrs visiting each other is usually like a 'honeymoon' stage that you have. I think you just need to keep your eyes open and don't ignore any red flags.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Well, I guess what you should do really depends a lot on your world view and personal beliefs. I take a lot of things on faith and I believe in fate to an extent. And given that, I'd wait it out and see if the relationship can take the strain of the distance for a while... maybe a year or so.

 

For me personally, I wouldn't want to bother with a relationship if it couldn't handle a year apart. I'd just assume it never had much strength or power to begin with. I know that's the harder route, but in my own life, the only good things have been from taking the harder path.

 

So I'd wait it out... stay where you're at, keep working on your own goals for a while. Tell him you want to wait a year and see if he can take it. If he can't, then his desire for you is probably more from neediness rather than a desire to give. And I doubt anything good will come of the relationship.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yep, you were both indeed swept away by the honeymoon thrill of being in a relationship...yours followed the classic pattern of too much too soon.... full speed ahead from the get-go with grand declarations of love 24/7 and endless discussions with stars in the eyes of the wonderful future together blah blah blah all within the first couple of months....but then reality hits...now you are both seeing the actual person...before the "love" was about fantasy, neediness and being in love with the notion of being in love. Now is the true test of how much you two actually really do love each other warts and all, problems and all. I would suggest you remain where you are and conduct the relationship long distance. Long distance relationships work when it really is true love, but fizzle if the "love" was just a mirage.

[EmilyE]

Thanks you guys for all the replies. Yes, I think that this is the typical stage of getting over the "in love" part and getting into reality. And I also agree that we did do things a little too fast, and i was nervous about that from the beginning, but it always felt right so I just let it happen. I plan on just continuing on the LDR path and see how it works out.

 

So now my situation is this....like i said, he just moved half way accross the country to start a new job, and because of all the moving expenses, etc., he is now broke. He is not handling this well bcuz he has always had money, so it seems as though he is completely shutting off. He wrote me an email saying that he has never been this broke before and just needs time to find himself again, sort it out, etc...he said he was turning off his phone for the whole weekend just to take time to himself. Also, we cant text anymore like we used to cuz he got a $300 phone bill cuz of all of our texts. He says that he loves me deeply and this has nothing to do w/ me, but he is going to take a step back for a few days.

 

SO, I havnt heard from him in over a day, and even tho i understand what he is doing, its really hard for me to not hear from him at all. Is it ok for a part of me to be mad about this? I feel like he is doing wht he feels like he needs to do, but he is not taking into consideration my needs....how can a quick phone call hurt? I sent him an email at work today but didnt get a response. he swears it has nothing to do w/ me and i believe him, but it just sucks to not have a boyfriend to talk to, u know?

 

Anyway, just wanted your thoughts...should i be supportive and let him go through this and then be waiting w/ open arms when he gets over it? Or do i have the right to be a bit upset and, once he does call, should i let him know?

 

Thanks!

[bartels]

You are losing him. It might have happened anyway after the initial excitement but the move was a death knoll to the relationship. It would be a big mistake for you to relocate just for him especially if it means changing your job or making other significant changes to your life.

[skyegl]

Just have a heart to heart talk to him and lay your cards out on the table.

[Kalika]

Honestly, him turning off his phone for the entire weekend sounds kind of suspect.