wind_dancer Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Hello all, I am needing some advice/point of view from both Americans and Europeans if in here. I am a 23 yo female that has been engaged for the past 2 years to an awesome guy that is 43. Yes, almost to the day he is twice my age. I am from Europe and my fiancee' is from the states. I have recently graduated college and am fixing to go to grad school. All in the states. Here is my story. We met online almost 3 years ago. Over the course of 8 months, I talked him into moving accross the U.S. Over 4000 kilometers to be with me and further our relationship. We had met and spent a lot of time together over the initial 8 months. Falling in love was so easy for both of us. He was the perfect man that I was looking for. So sick of guys my own age and their sh^t. I moved in with him immediately and it has been bliss ! I basically asked him to give up his house, friends and job. We were so much in love he did all these things for me. At the time it seemed so right and so important. I was in the situation where I could not introduce him to my friends and he said that was cool. It was us against the world and he seemed to have no problems with the arrangement. I wanted so much to show him off but the fear of my father finding out was too great. (he was paying for college more or less.) The age difference was nothing to me personally, but culturally, a big no-no where I am from. A 5 yr age difference is not accepted. I lied to everyone about everything. Kept everything private. He was 'my age' as far as anyone in my family or my circle knew. Now, after the best relationship of my life, the realization has set in.... How would I ever introduce him to my family? How would I have my perfect wedding? All the lies and sneaking around my family and friends has finally gotten to me. I cannot go on doing it. I know I have not enlisted ANY respect or empathy from anyone here. I know how all this looks and how pissed of a lot of you probably are. In retrospect what I did was to temporarily make my world complete. We are extremely happy together and the worst part is that he has no idea what I am fixing to do. I have no choice but to end this relationship....and it is the last thing I want to do. I love him with all my heart.....but.... If there were no family involved and we could fly off to a hidden island, all would be great. Life is not so fair though. I know we could be happy forever and love each other eternally. ...but I cannot lose my family. In the states, this doesn't seem to be a deal breaker, but it is where I am from. Major culture clash I ignored in the past. If logical, I would have seen this day and would have never entertained this relationship from the start. How do you break up with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? How do you explain...thanks for uprooting your life for me, but I can't do it anymore. There will be no getting back together. I should have never accepted the engagement. Two years ago I was a different person. Three years in the future back then, seemed like a lifetime. At my age it is. At his age it is not. So, with all this said, I don't want to hurt my guy, but I know I will. Badly. He will not accept my reasons. He will be heart broken. I already am. This is going to be an out of the blue thing. I am a complete ass in all of this but circumstances are now out of my control. I guess they always were and I was not thinking clearly. Love blinds all of us. Good or bad. It will be at least 4 yrs before I can live my own life. Like it or not, parents are in control here. I think that explains my problem fairly well. I am looking for the best way to do what I have to do. I know in time that we will both get over each other, but that does not help at this time. I am putting myself out here probably to be flamed and yelled at. It all seemed so perfect. Now I am dying inside and so will he. We had so many plans. I've already been called every name out there by the one person that knows about this deal and am losing that friendship as well. Honestly, I need input on how to handle this upcoming break up. Bottom line........I have to do what I have to do. No choice but to break up.. Thoughts? No need to be kind. Just honest opinions. Thanks for reading. Link to comment
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