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well this is my last chance so please help me please!!!!!!!!


QTpie87
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well hey,

first to the monaters this is very much alike my other posts that you say were reposts, but i promise this is the last time you will here this Question, henc my last chance. so please don't take it off or kick me off again.

well, tomorrow morning i am giving him all of his things back. i just can't look at them anymore. it has been two months that we have been broken up and i am dying inside. everyday i feel more gone and like i just can't go on living anymore. i don't want to live anymore! i need to get him back. he is the one i want. i don't understand how to tell or show him that i have changed. i was just going threw so much, i couldn't take it, but i didn't tell him and it only messed everything up. i was worried to tell him because i didn't know if he could deal with anymore (his best friend died and that was a lot for him to deal with) i just tried too hard to put aside my worries and help him. believe me he is worth it. well it started eating me up and i started to become so over hurt that i started to change and freak out at the littlest thing. i would start to ball my eyes out and he would get so sick of it, he would ask me what was wronge and i would yell and make up lies that would cover up what was eating at me. well it wasn't the best idea. really because of how much i love him, so i shouldn't have treated him like that and i shouldn't have hidden my feelings and i should have talked about my problems with someone. it tore us apart. Its just i love my dad so much and he is going crazy and they almost keep putting him in an insaine Hospital or whatever you call them. he calls me and can't hold a convo. and he is just crazy, he is on pot and crack and who knows what else. plus i am having horrible nightmares about My ex's best friend. he was my friend too. i keep dreaming that he is right there and i can stop him from dying and i don't. it is my fault that he is dead. IM not joking. the night we all went to a movie he died. i was going to tell my ex to call and ask him to come and i forgot to. if he would have been with us, nothing would have happened to him. PLUS, my step dad is abusive, mentally mostly, but he has gotten in some major physical fights with me. i was going threw a time where i didn't want to live, only didn't have the guts to kill myself, so i cut myself once, not badly. my ex made me promise never to do it again so i haven't becaues i love him and i don't want to hurt him. well a lot of good that did. now everything is just worse i want to die and am starting not to fear it. i want to bleed slow and feel the pain to lessen the pain in my heart. but i still love him so can't do it. you know what they say, you never know how much you love them to you lose them. it is so true. i have really bad anger and depression problems and i can't hardly controle them half the time(more then half really) my ex thinks im bi-poller. i just love him so much. well tomorrow i get to see him and i believe that if he ever loved me that much at all that he would look into his heart and realize how much i love him ( i know i do because i would die for him in a heartbeat and he has treated me very badly latly, just like i deserve and i still love him) i just wanna know. is there anything anyone suggests i should do tomorrow. i can't imagin living with out him because of my own mistakes. i can treat him like i used to, better, like he deserves. i can treat him better than any girl can. i can't go on like this. i pray everynight to get him back and for him to know how sorry i am and how much i love him. what can i say. what can i do. i cant and i wont keep going on like this my diabetes is out of control right know and i feel like im dying. i don't care about anything anymore. i only think of how i messed up my life by losing him. he is the world to me. PLEASE HELP!

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if you really want this man to ever consider dating you again, you need to have one priority - YOU! I know exactly what you're going through, I know how it feels to go through a really bad time and act like a freak in a relationship, and you push your partner until they finally break up with you.

 

You can't change the past, you can only affect the future, and if you act all needy and clingy around him when you see him, you can almost guarantee you wont ever date him again.

 

Make a list with everything that you need to work on, things that you can actually change. For example, you might have to live at home, so you can't change your step dad, but you can change things about you. You have to start making some positive changes. It seems like you might need to see a therapist to get you through this time, or a counselor, and see what they recommend.

 

Remember, the only way you can have a chance at future happiness with your ex or anyone else, is to start making you #1.

 

I hope I helped.

 

Fiona

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Girl you have to talk to a counselor, somebody that knows how to deal with things like this. You have some issues that need to be straightened out before you can proceed with any relationship. These issues are major problems that jusst will not heal themselves. There are websites that can help with issues such as yours.

You need professional help to get your llife straight. I don't think that you are bi-polar, but that may be the case. You need someone that can help you understand things and why they happen.

 

As for the death of your friend, I am deeply sorry for your lose. You need to understand that death will happen to everyone. I haate to tell you this but you can't run from death. When it is your time to die then you are going to die no matter how things turn out. deaath is not controllable!!

 

You cannot cheat death, so no it wasn't your fault that your friend died. It was just his time. Yes, he died and that hurts, but you know he still lives in all of his friends.

 

I think that you should have a little get together of all his friends and everyone just sit around and tell stories about him. Let his memories live.

He may be gone, but his memories live on through all of his friends.[/b]

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You really do need some professional help in dealing with all of this stress, the others are absolutely right. You're young and have a lot on your plate, and quite honestly, the person you need is a therapist or counselor that can help you, not your boyfriend who won't know how to handle all the things you're going through. This is what instigated the problems/breakup in the first place, I'm guessing, in that he isn't qualified to handle the problems you're dealing with, most likely got frustrated and, rather than do the wrong thing, left you. You can't really blame him for this, but you're at a bad time in your life.

 

You need to work on YOU first, before worrying about your ex. He's not going anywhere, and in the shape you're in right now, you won't have much to offer him regardless. What I would do is simply let him know that you realize you blew up at him and it was wrong, since it wasn't directed at him, and that you want to get outside help for this. Let him know that you still love him and would appreciate his support in this. If he's at all mature, he'll stand by you, maybe only as a friend for now, but that's better than nothing at all. But you won't do him or anyone else any good unless you can get your issues somewhat resolved first, and get a little more settled in your life.

 

I sincerely hope you can do this, and get some help for what you're going through. No one of any age would cope very well under those circumstances, and especially not at your age! Please, go see a counselor or someone qualified, and let them help you with this. In the meantime, I wish you the best of luck.

 

Mar

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