Getting back on the horse

[athiel]

Hello there!

 

Having been engaged to my fiance for almost two years (we're doing the deed as soon as funds make themselves available!), I've become more and more concerned that whilst every other part of our relationship is fantastic, our sex life has become been going downhill for the past year or so...

 

When we first got together we had the usual highly charged constant bed rocking, and for the first time in a long term relationship for me, and first time ever for her, engaged in lots of bondage and kinky sex. She was excited and happy to do anything and everything, and it was great.

 

I can't pinpoint moments, and there's never been any "triggers" but aspects of our sex life seem to have disappeared, and her preferences have changed in some key areas. On the kinky sex note I guess as the dominant in the couple it's really up to me to reintroduce that kind of play but there are other areas I miss too.

 

She no longer lets me stimulate her with my fingers inside her - something we both enjoyed when we got together (and I've been complimented on my skills with by herself and previous partners). She's also stopped going down on me almost entirely. I've always had a bit of a penchant for partners swallowing my semen, and the odd facial - this is something she's stopped doing almost entirely - and she acts as if my semen is thoroughly disgusting on the odd occasion she does get any in her mouth or on her. I can't help but feel incredibly emasculated by what seems like a rejection of such a personally important part of my sexuality. I've tried talking both these things with her, but she can't seem to understand how much it depresses me - I feel inhibited to do anything but straight penetration and even then can't help but miss the varied experience our sex life used to be. I've spoken to numerous female friends about their own feelings about the semen swallowing/contact situation in particular and even those who don't love it see it as a momentary act which is worth doing for the pleasure it gives their partners, whether casual or long term.

 

Although my partner quickly gets aroused when we do have sex, and the penetrative stuff is fantastic (she enjoys it very much too), it seems a shadow of what we once had. She used to respond so well to being dominated when our sex life swung that way I've been wondering if I should just start trying to introduce that dynamic back in to the bedroom?

 

I love my partner very much, and we have a very physically affectionate, intimate open and honest relationship, and she's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Everything I've said here has been said to her too - I'd just like some broader feedback.

 

Thanks for your time! Any suggestions or comments would be welcome.

[melrich]

we have a very physically affectionate, intimate open and honest relationship

 

So why does SHE say she has stopped participating in these activities?

[athiel]

Fingers - she says she doesn't like the feeling anymore.

 

Semen - she says she doesn't like the taste anymore.

 

General downturn in sex? - Mainly down to fatigue; we're both working more hours than when we met and though she says she wants more frequent sex, it's almost always me that initiates foreplay.

[melrich]

It's a bit of a dichotomy for me.

 

On the one hand you should never force or coerce someone into doing something they do not want to do.

 

On the other hand, if you are going to be with someone for the rest of your life, I think there is an obligation both ways to ensure that your partner is sexually satisfied.

 

So for me it becomes a question of how much does she not want to perform these activities and how big a deal will it be for you if she doesn't? that's probably the discussion you guys ahve to have.

[athiel]

I agree, I think one of the biggest issues I've got at the moment is that even when I talk to her about this she doesn't really take my feelings about them seriously... it's odd for someone so sensitive in other areas of our life but there you go!

[Zepp]

Certain things in your diet can make semen taste bad, such as smoking or drinking lots of coffee. Have you changed your diet or habits in anyway that could effect the taste?

I've heard eating more fruits can help the taste.

[athiel]

Nope, no changes in diet. In the interests of fairness I tried some myself and I really can't see what's the big issue is - I mean it's not champagne but it's hardly as pungent as some of the smelly cheeses she enjoys!

[Zampotne]

I wonder if she ever liked these things...

 

maybe she was doing them to hook you, and now that she's got you, she doesn't feel she needs to do them anymore.

 

It's disappointing to say the least

[athiel]

She's not at all dishonest - and she certainly enjoyed them at the time - she has mentioned before doing lots of things somewhat as we were 'caught in the moment' but I'm personally a little baffled as I don't think what turns you on necessarily changes that much..

 

...I do always try and do everything to make her happy and comfortable, especially when it comes to sex - perhaps it's time I ask her not to take my own desires for granted?

[athiel]

All good ideas methinks - she's always had a bizarre tendency to doze off after I've cum and stopped penetrating her - whether or not she's climaxed herself - not in a negligent way, she just likes to curl up and be cuddled - might be nice to introduce a bit of follow through and boost the the cum-appreciation once in a while too though.

 

-shall try and put into practice this evening!

 

More suggestions and good luck welcome!

[athiel]

Great suggestion WhisperInTheDark - we'd played a couples board game before that had something along these lines but it sounds like a great regular fixture (perhaps we could even schedule a "card night" once a week!) to keep each other's desires being fulfilled!