OMG!!! Why are men like children???

[VtecQueen]

My boyfriend sends me a text today wondering why I didn't respond to a text he sent me 2 days ago!!! My phone doesn't have alot of memory space so I have to delete them often, just so happens I deleted the message he was talking about so I couldn't go back and look at it. So he plays around with me for a good 20 mins saying stuff like "I guess it wasn't important to you", "guess you don't like answering questions". The whole time I'm asking him to tell me what he said and he won't. Why was he acting like this???? He has to make it so fustrating. Why is it so hard for him to just tell me what he said. I told him I hate these stupid games and he said "me too". It's really irritating. This ever happen to you???

[greywolf]

My boyfriend sends me a text today wondering why I didn't respond to a text he sent me 2 days ago!!! My phone doesn't have alot of memory space so I have to delete them often, just so happens I deleted the message he was talking about so I couldn't go back and look at it. So he plays around with me for a good 20 mins saying stuff like "I guess it wasn't important to you", "guess you don't like answering questions". The whole time I'm asking him to tell me what he said and he won't. Why was he acting like this???? He has to make it so fustrating. Why is it so hard for him to just tell me what he said. I told him I hate these stupid games and he said "me too". It's really irritating. This ever happen to you???

 

Women can act like children too. It's not only men. But your boyfriend sounds pretty immature and manipulative. Big red flag on this one.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Women can act like children too. It's not only men. But your boyfriend sounds pretty immature and manipulative. Big red flag on this one.

 

totally agree with greywolf. BIG red flag. If he was a straightforward bloke he would have just said what it said without all the drama.

 

he might have esteem or control issues?

[NorthDallas40]

He's behaving like a chick if you ask me. Dudes shouldn't be acting like this. It's against Man Law. sexism>

[VtecQueen]

 

he might have esteem or control issues?

I don't know...but his mom is sick with lung cancer and his dad passed away recently. I try not to get mad at him cuz I know he's going through alot. but I am really irritated with him today.

[greywolf]

He's behaving like a chick if you ask me. Dudes shouldn't be acting like this. It's against Man Law. sexism>

 

He could afford to grow some balls.

[VtecQueen]

He could afford to grow some balls.

lol and he's always the one calling ME immature (i will admit sometimes I am) but he acts like he is such a "grown @ss man"

[riley123]

Hang on a second everyone. I don't think that we should all jump on this guy and immediately label him as immature before we know more of the story.

 

OP: Did you talk to your boyfriend between the time (you said two days) he sent you the text and when you started fighting about it?

[bmwm3]

It is a little annoying when a text isnt returned for two days... but you had your reason.. and he should of acted more like a man....

[NorthDallas40]

Hang on a second everyone. I don't think that we should all jump on this guy and immediately label him as immature before we know more of the story.

 

Personally I don't think so. If he can text, he can call. Even if he's going through rough times, and even if the OP wasn't being very responsive. It's called "manning up."

[DN]

Are you sure that you want to be with this guy? Judging by your threads about him, it doesn't seem that you even like him very much. What is it about him that keeps you with him? The only semi-positive things that you have said about him is that he always pays for dinner when you go out and that he helps you out with some of your bills when you are short of cash. Surely there must be something more to him than that to explain why you are with him?

[Hope75]

I can only assume you don't mean all men since this is one specific example of something you feel your boyfriend did.

 

I would simply say to him, "I am sorry that I deleted your message. In the future if something is important to you I would prefer it if you would tell me face to face or call me. If you don't want to share what you sent to me that is fine, and we will drop it."

 

At this point he is trying to make you feel guilty, when what you really need to do is establish a guideline for communication and make it clear how you wish to share information with him.

[riley123]

Personally I don't think so. If he can text, he can call. Even if he's going through rough times, and even if the OP wasn't being very responsive. It's called "manning up."

 

I agree that his reaction was poor, but everyone handles their own emotions differently. And I wouldn’t call it just 'rough times' when your mom has cancer and your dad dies. Who knows, maybe the text had something to do with that?

[VtecQueen]

 

OP: Did you talk to your boyfriend between the time (you said two days) he sent you the text and when you started fighting about it?

Yes we did talk, for a long time too. But he was on the computer so it was mostly me talking lol. But yeah we talked.

[Hope75]

Yes we did talk, for a long time too. But he was on the computer so it was mostly me talking lol. But yeah we talked.

 

This is another problem. If he is doing something else, now is not the time to talk. An approach like "I'd like to talk to you about something, but I need your full attention. When you are finished using your computer please let me know so we can talk."

[greywolf]

I agree that his reaction was poor, but everyone handles their own emotions differently. And I wouldn’t call it just 'rough times' when your mom has cancer and your dad dies. Who knows, maybe the text had something to do with that?

 

It's true that if she hadn't talked to him since that text that it wouldn't have been nice, and he had a right to be upset about it. But he could have asked her directly instead of being manipulative about it. People that say things like that are trying to make you feel bad about yourself.

[Hope75]

I don't know...but his mom is sick with lung cancer and his dad passed away recently. I try not to get mad at him cuz I know he's going through alot. but I am really irritated with him today.

 

Maybe you can talk to him about this too-

 

"X, I've noticed you are more distant/on edge lately, and I know you are going through a lot with your mom being sick and your dad passing away recently. I just want you to know I am here for you and I want to help and support you in any way I can. Do you want to talk about it? What can I do to help you?"

[VtecQueen]

 

"X, I've noticed you are more distant/on edge lately, and I know you are going through a lot with your mom being sick and your dad passing away recently. I just want you to know I am here for you and I want to help and support you in any way I can. Do you want to talk about it? What can I do to help you?"

If I got paid for every time I said that I would not have to work. I tell him that all the time, but it doesn't stop him from getting mad at me out of the blue when he is stressed (he did the same when his dad was sick). There are many things I love about him, but of course I only post the bad on this site. I try to understand he is going though alot and try to be there for him and not get mad at him, but he really irritated me today. I told him that I hate when people do that, and it reallly made me mad. No word from him yet, and there will probably be no word from him. He can go for days not talking to me being mad, but its hard for me to last 8 hours without talking to him.

[VtecQueen]

But he could have asked her directly instead of being manipulative about it.QUOTE] I agree. And another thing is, with him going through so much, when we do argue it is hard for me to not talk to him, no matter how angry he has made me. Because I want to be there for him. What if something happens and I'm not there cuz I am being mad at him, then he will be like, "your not there for me". That's how I think.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I don't know...but his mom is sick with lung cancer and his dad passed away recently. I try not to get mad at him cuz I know he's going through alot. but I am really irritated with him today.

 

woah! rewind...

 

this guy has just lost his dad and is facing the prospect of his mum also dying. Thats the two most significant people in his life potentially gone.

 

I think he reacted the way he did because he cant bear the thought that you might of abandoned him too (emotionally i mean, not physically).

 

just a thought, could be wrong, but with what hes got going on his head must be a bit messed up, so i'd like to take back what i said and give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

i think hes in inner turmoil which is why he's acting like he is

[Hope75]

If I got paid for every time I said that I would not have to work. I tell him that all the time, but it doesn't stop him from getting mad at me out of the blue when he is stressed (he did the same when his dad was sick). There are many things I love about him, but of course I only post the bad on this site. I try to understand he is going though alot and try to be there for him and not get mad at him, but he really irritated me today. I told him that I hate when people do that, and it reallly made me mad. No word from him yet, and there will probably be no word from him. He can go for days not talking to me being mad, but its hard for me to last 8 hours without talking to him.

 

You can also draw boundaries and tell him that even though you love him and want to support him through this difficult time, you also love and respect yourself and will not allow him to act abusive towards you just because he is upset and frustrated.

 

He is certainly stressed, but it is not an excuse to treat you poorly.

 

Couples who shut each other out for extended periods in anger don't tend to last... as communication and respect is the cornerstone of a lasting, healthy relationship

[Lana0120]

Has he always been this insecure or is this a recent development (after the sadness in his life)? Have you ever accidentally deleted a message or something like this before? If this is just a one-off event, then he has completely overreacted, but it may be understandable under the circumstances, as he is probably very sad and may have felt abandoned. If you've done this more often, then I could understand why he is upset. At the same time, I think his response is childish. If you've already apologised for the mess up with your phone and asked him to repeat his question, I don't see what else you can do. Even under these difficult circumstances, he should not expect you to beg for his forgiveness. Maybe in a few days he'll realise how silly he has been and will get over it?

[guitars]

It sounds like he really needs you right now and probably overreacted. If you really want to be with this guy long-term you might just have to tough it out. Losing one parent and being faced with the prospect of losing the other can make even a tough-guy feel pretty insecure.

 

I'll admit, I'm a bit miffed by some of the responses in this thread. Men aren't allowed to have feelings or irrational responses to things under stress? That's a pretty biased and status-quo-supporting view of gender, people.