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New girl was HORRIBLE in bed... Any ideas on how I could 'help' her

gcollier2002

By gcollier2002
in Sex and Romance

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dream83 Rookie

dream83

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Based on the fact that you said you weren't expecting to be with someone so soon it just sounds to me like you weren't really ready and as if you weren't all that sexually interested in the first place. It also sounds like you only did it because she said she wanted to. So, I think it's really not fair to say that she sucked when it doesn't sound like something you really wanted in the first place.

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Lamprey Apprentice

Lamprey

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I had that happen to me; dated a girl who liked me in the sack and couldn't get enough, but that I really couldn't get off with. I broke it off pretty soon once I realized what was going on. See, I wasn't that attracted to her. Not intellectually (she was fairly dumb) and not physically. She just didn't do it for me.

 

Maybe that's your problem. You said you were with thin girls before: 110lbs? 120, tops? If that's the case then 160lbs is a monster by your standards (even if it works for someone else). Also, if she's 160 now while she's active playing sports, can you imagine what she'll look like in a few years, if she stops? Do you want to?

 

The bottom line is, people have their preferences and it sounds like you're only with her because she's available, not because you want to be. You can't help that, if you ask her to lose weight you'll just give her low self-esteem. Give her the shpiel about not being ready for a relationship and break up, rather than torture yourself and her.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

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i agree with you ghost, but i dont get why the blame is on her for sucking ya know? that's my problem with it.

 

She was just bad in all respects. -Sort of just laid there; didn't really move all that much. And honestly (and I'm not blaming her for this) couldn't really get physically comfortable because she said it was too big. I guess that's a good problem to have... but I've never had that problem with anyone else, though... LOL.

 

hersmudders, i bolded why it would suck. i hate that myself. just providing the female parts isn't the doing the job.

 

i've had girls tell me too big isn't a good feeling.

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ycmanvs Rising Star

ycmanvs

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She was just bad in all respects. -Sort of just laid there; didn't really move all that much. And honestly (and I'm not blaming her for this) couldn't really get physically comfortable because she said it was too big. I guess that's a good problem to have... but I've never had that problem with anyone else, though... LOL.

 

The answer is pretty simple. You are not compatible with her. She may or may not have faked it, but you did not. You were just not that turned on by her. Just stay friends and look for someone else to have sex with.

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gcollier2002 Contributor

gcollier2002

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No. I'm pretty sure. Twice we had to stop because of it... IDK. I definitely am not with her "because I want sex" I 'wanted' her to come over and watch a movie with me, LOL. -It's not like she's a beast of a woman, either... she's good looking by most standards. - -But, she 'is' bigger, however, I don't think I had a problem with that as much as I did that it was just uninteresting sex... -It could have been that it was just uncomfortable and she wasn't able to bring out her "A" game?

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ycmanvs Rising Star

ycmanvs

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No. I'm pretty sure. Twice we had to stop because of it... IDK. I definitely am not with her "because I want sex" I 'wanted' her to come over and watch a movie with me, LOL. -It's not like she's a beast of a woman, either... she's good looking by most standards. - -But, she 'is' bigger, however, I don't think I had a problem with that as much as I did that it was just uninteresting sex... -It could have been that it was just uncomfortable and she wasn't able to bring out her "A" game?

 

Who cares? Do you want to pursue a relationship with her? If so, I am sure you can explore the sex and become more comfortable with eachother, but it sounds to me that you would be better off as "just friends".

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dream83 Rookie

dream83

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No. I'm pretty sure. Twice we had to stop because of it... IDK. I definitely am not with her "because I want sex" I 'wanted' her to come over and watch a movie with me, LOL. -It's not like she's a beast of a woman, either... she's good looking by most standards. - -But, she 'is' bigger, however, I don't think I had a problem with that as much as I did that it was just uninteresting sex... -It could have been that it was just uncomfortable and she wasn't able to bring out her "A" game?

 

Okay. Maybe I shouldn't go here, but I'm gonna. I'm just bothered by the fact that you keep blaming the bad experience on her. She didn't bring her "A" game. She sucked. Granted I wasn't there. But, by the way you describe the thing it sounds like this wasn't all her fault. Once again, it sounds to me like you weren't expecting sex and weren't mentally ready to have it with her. If you're not all the way there in your mindset, chances are greater that you're not going to like it very much.

 

And how aware are you of your "performance?" No offense, but to be fair, she could be on some other message board posting "Guy with Big Wang Doesn't Know How To Use It" where she describes you as recklessly and aimlessly using your penis in such an unaware fashion that she resorted to faking wild, exhausting orgasms to get you to stop. I'm not saying that you did any of that at all, so please don't be offended. I'm just trying to use an example to illustrate that sex is a two way street. There are two sides to every story, and based on your overall description I think you're being a little unfair to the girl to simply say she sucked.

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gcollier2002 Contributor

gcollier2002

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Ok- Well what you say could happen; but I seriously doubt it... -And not that I've had a 'lot' of partners, but I've never been told that I'm bad in the sack and on more than a few occasions have been told that I'm very good at it. -She even mentioned that she enjoyed everything... -But as I posted initially, I'm not interested in a long term relationship for a myrad of reasons with her 1. ultimately being just because we're not compatible in that way. I am certain that she knows this (because of things that have been said), too. I 'do' enjoy hanging out with her but it's just that. With the whole having sex thing; I wasn't looking/wanting to have sex but it was one of those points where I thought to myself... "well, hell... it's not really done me any good by waiting with the others to screw me over and she's just wanting to have a good time anyway, throw down" -BUT the problem is is that it just wansn't any good for me. -And no, she wasn't thrashing around and screaming my name; that's not what I meant by I could tell she was having an orgasam. My initial question was geared towards what I should do if I do decide to have sex with her again to gently nudge her to being a little bit more participative in it all. -I've never had this situation before. I don't know whether she's just inexperienced or what; I just know that what little she 'was' doing definitely wasn't doing anything for me.

 

Even if this is just, as you seem to be insenuating, my fault; what do I do about it. It's not like I never want to see the girl again. If it were first time gitters, okay... but the tennacity she went after it doesn't seem to be indicative. -She undressed me... LOL.

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hers Experienced

hers

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That was my whole point originally when I responded to this thread. In your OP, you didn't say anything about her lying there and not participating, and that's why I was confused why she was so horrible at it. Dream has a point--she coudl think the same of you. Maybe she has never been told she was bad either. Maybe she's been told she's a little minx in bed. It's the same story for both of you.

 

I just think all in all, the compatibility was nil.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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i dont get why you say she sucked. just b/c you didn't get off? was it her technique at all that made you think she was bad?

 

i dont think it is fair for you to say she sucks in bed just b/c you didnt get off. if anything it'd be more fair to say the chemistry just wasnt there, but it doesnt seem like anything she did wrong.

 

This is what i am trying to figure out too.

 

You do realize that since you had been drinking that could be a part of why you didn't get off, right? Alcohol can impede a man's ability to orgasm. That could be what was going on.

 

And if you didn't 'get off' there might have been something else going on with you. It doesn't sound like she is bad in bed per se so i am not sure how you can "help her" as you asked.

 

But since you commented on her size it is obvious you were not real attracted to her...now add that to a few drinks and voila, lack of orgasm.

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hers Experienced

hers

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This is what i am trying to figure out too.

 

You do realize that since you had been drinking that could be a part of why you didn't get off, right? Alcohol can impede a man's ability to orgasm. That could be what was going on.

 

And if you didn't 'get off' there might have been something else going on with you. It doesn't sound like she is bad in bed per se so i am not sure how you can "help her" as you asked.

 

But since you commented on her size it is obvious you were not real attracted to her...now add that to a few drinks and voila, lack of orgasm.

 

Quite possibly true, even if you did have just one drink and weren't even drunk or tipsy like you said you weren't.

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dream83 Rookie

dream83

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Well, it probably wasn't good for you because, as you just said, you're not compatible and you're not interested in her that way...plain and simple. In no way does that mean she sucks. I still think you were unduly placing all the blame on the woman. That just seems incredibly...insulting to her (for lack of a better word). It also seems a little inconsiderate to say things like that since you know that she was experiencing a considerable amount of physical discomfort with you. It's important that both partners feel good during the experience, otherwise the experience might be less than "sexy".

 

And about the fault thing, I never said it was (all) your fault. But, if she was uncomfortable the whole time it's likely that it wasn't all hers either. And regardless how quickly she ripped your clothes off, it looks like she may have been a little less eager once the "party got started," especially since it sounds like it wasn't feeling as good as she had hoped it would.

 

Also, just because people have said you're a great lover doesn't mean you can't ever have an off day. What if your next partner doesn't have an orgasm, but you do? Does that mean that you suck in bed and were horrible? Or would you conclude that something must be wrong with her because everyone else has said you were good in bed? I just think that way of thinking is problematic. There's a lot more to sex than "A and B said I was incredible, so everyone else will think I'm incredible, too." But, that's just my take on things.

 

As for what you should do to make it better...STOP having sex with her and just hang out with her as you said you wanted to do. From what it sounds like, you were thinking, "Why not have sex just for a good time?" Clearly this wasn't a good time for you, so there's no need to go back for more. It's problematic when you take a girl that you don't "like" in the first place and you try to "change" her just so she can satisfy you in bed and nothing else. This whole thing just seems so one-sided to me.

 

You just want to hang out with her, so hang out with her. I think it would illogical for you to continue on with this, while also continuing to call her "big" and "bad in bed." I think what makes it especially illogical is that you've alredy admitted that you don't like her in that way. That's your problem right there. It's got a lot less to do with sexual performance than you think. Go out and find someone you are attracted to, because it doesn't sound like you're doing this one any favors.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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Quite possibly true, even if you did have just one drink and weren't even drunk or tipsy like you said you weren't.

 

Yea and he metnioned he "had a few drinks" in him so i took that to mean at least a few beers which is all it takes. He said he was feeling tipsy so if he had enough alcohol to feel a slight buzz than this could impede his ability to orgasm.

 

My SO cannot orgasm at all after a few beers even tho he can get an erection.

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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Based on the fact that you said you weren't expecting to be with someone so soon it just sounds to me like you weren't really ready and as if you weren't all that sexually interested in the first place. It also sounds like you only did it because she said she wanted to. So, I think it's really not fair to say that she sucked when it doesn't sound like something you really wanted in the first place.

 

 

Exactly. You made the choice to have sex with her despite not really feeling in the mood for it...so it was your feelings and mood at that moment which more than likely determined the fact that you did not derive pleasure from this encounter.

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