Walk softly in LC, what would you do?

[saintboon]

Breakup was over her not being ready for such a serious relationship (who knows if it was BS or not). She isn't seeing anyone now (as far as I know), and when we broke up she said she didn't want to see anyone else. We kept the door open for the future... blah blah blah... I agreed to friends, but after a little pleading, went in NC. We will be living on opposite sides of the country till next fall BTW.

 

She's been initiating 90% of the LC for the last 4-5 weeks. (I drunk dialed her last Tuesday, but she imed me sunday and told me how funny she thought I had been)

 

I sent her my book Sunday night, and she immediately starting reading it (I had expected her to take at least a week or two). She finished it today and texted me to tell me she liked it a lot. She said she didn't get one thing in the end. I told her I was busy and couldn't explain it then, but would be home later and she could call me then. She said all right (was this the right move on my part?)

 

She's not a stupid girl, so I can't imagine she's just willing to call me for a blah blah ending explanation. Every time she contacts me, she always has some sort of excuse ready to do so (I take this as behavior of someone who is having second thoughts - since someone who is completely over their ex typically either doesn't initiate regular contact, or isn't self-conscious enough to always have some BS excuse to do so -- am I right?

 

I've posted some of this crap here before, and sorry if it sounds redundant. But I don't won't to F- up and rush things, since we won't see each other till next fall either way. I'm thinking just keep it light like this all summer, and then next fall ask her if she wants to get dinner or something... I don't know myself if I want to dive back into a serious relationship either. The only thing I know is that I do love this girl (I have been with another girl since, and it just wasn't close to her), and I want to be with her in some form (last note - our relationship was based much on sex initially, not a friendship, so I really don't want to end up in the dreaded friend zone). Basically I want to be able to date her and hook up sometimes, but not rush into a 21 year old marriage, since I'm way too young to basically center my whole life around one person...

 

If you read this whole thing, thank you, I know it was long. Please give me whatever advice you might have... I'm expecting her to call tonight, so any advice regarding that would help too.

[Piper182]

I think you should take it light this summer like you thought then see how it goes in the fall. make sure you keep up the conversation over the summer though so she still thinks about you. thats the key. you want her to think of you and be confused, she won;t get involve with someone else if she thinks maybe there could be something with you-- at least most likely... some girls are weird, lol.

[saintboon]

Most of the time she hasn't struck me as a truly weird girl. Although, she does have MAJOR commitment issues directly caused by her father, I should mention.

[k.will.photo]

First of all, I'm behind on the lingo. What is LC and NC? Besides that, I would say take it a day at a time. She may be reconsidering, but she may also have real reasons to want to talk and they may not be BS. She probably really does care about you, even if she doesnt feel romantic as much, and she probably doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

 

And being in the friend zone really isn't that bad, you know. The best romantic relationships come out of friendships. Thats kind of where I'm coming from with my problem. He's an amazing friend but I'm not sure if I wanna stick him in just the friend zone or if I want to keep him overlapping. Then again, I'm rather unique in the way I see relationships and guys for that. I'd rather be friends first and have a silly/innocent friendship that turns into something romantic than to dive right into a romance.

[saintboon]

Sorry, Low Contact vs. No Contact...

 

Here's an ex of what I define as a BS reason : She IMed me once to ask what the name of that singer I used to play for her that she loved was... then (as with every time she IMs me) she moved right into a different subject of conversation...

 

And yes, I agree that great relationships can come from friendships. However, putting a anyone in the friend zone is often selfish. One person gets the companionship, love, and friendship they want, while the other person spends each day pining, hoping and wishing to take things a step further.

[k.will.photo]

Thanks.

 

The selfishness though only applies if the other person knows that there are more romantic feelings present at all (which I do understand in this case applies to your situation)

 

And I see what you mean about the conversation starters. She seems like she wants to keep in contact. I'm not sure if that means she wants to keep it friendly, or if she wants to go back to a romance. It's hard to tell...

[saintboon]

It is very hard to tell, which is what is making this sooooo difficult for me. In the past I've always made it so much more cut and dry, but now I find myself taking things so casually and carefully. Egh... it is not fun...

 

And yes I have no clue where she wants it also, because I tend to keep the contacts as short as possible by signing offline after not too long. The one time I got any hint is when she once said she wished she were hear so she could pop my pimples and tweeze my eyebrows (weird, I know)... other than that , NOTHING....

[k.will.photo]

Stuff like this never is. Drama sucks.