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Big fat fatty!!!

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Hey guys,


Don't really know what i'm here to ask today to be honest. The situation is that i have always been a curvy girl, but the hot kind lol (blowing own trumpet). I have always felt attractive, if a little tubby, but hadn't ever been called fat or felt fat just a bit larger than some, i have big boobs and a big bum, always had a realtively small waist. Anyway that was up until 2005.

I looked after my dad throughout his terminal cancer and did my best to care for my family and finacially provide for them after his death. Between mid 2005 and now i have put on 50-60lbs, which is a huge amount of weight.

I know feel awful, I am living with my partner, and am to be married in November, I am very lucky, he loves me just the way I am.

I HATE myself now, i was so self confident, but with the gaining of the weight it has all gone. I must sound vain, but i'm not.

I just wish i could lose the weight, the issue isn't the diet, it is my mind set. Although i am no longer grieving so much. I just feel like there is no point and am constantly fighting with myself in my head.....does that make any sense?

For a diet and excersize regime to work i will have to be positive and i just can't find those positive thoughts and because of that I am cross with myself for being so ungrateful for all the amazing things i have in this world.




Love, Sugar xxxxx

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My step father is recovering from the treatment of his cancer, so in a way I can understand how you are feeling. It took a lot of work to look after him and he is one of the steadiest strongest men I know so watching the process was emotionally and sometimes physically hard.

What you did is commendable but the effect it must have had on you cant be forgotten. It's more than likely that through the grieving process you stopped thinking about yourself as much. That you were doing less as a result of not having to take care of him and as a result, these few pounds snuck up on you.

However, you have to remember that your father would want you to be happy on your wedding day, that he would always have seen his daughter as happy inside and out...he would've taken some comfort in that.

What would he think if he knew you were upset and unmotivated? He knows how important a girls wedding day is and he would want that happy secure person to be happy (because you can bet your butt that despite not being able to see him, he'll be there on that day) and he'll want you to be how he remembers.

You'll have no problem reaching this goal, you said so yourself, the motivation is your father.

You can do it!


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When caring for a family member who has an illness, often the caregiver is so focused on the other person that she/he forgets to look after themself both physically and emotionally. Losing 50-60 pounds is a daunting task so that it is probably why you are not feeling motivated...coupled with the fact although you might not think you are grieving, there is still that hole within you over the loss of your father. I don't know your financial situation but have you ever thought of joining weight watchers? That might help motivate you to start losing the weight...their sessions are designed to help motivate people to stay on track.

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This is a passage I posted elsewhere some weeks ago - You may not have seen it, and I may be wrong, but I feel this could be an appropriate time to repost!

A passage: • Suddenly it comes to you, so clear that you cannot believe you have not noticed it before. It is simple really, the inability to find yourself attractive and see your self worth as a woman is far less attractive to a man than whatever physical imperfection you spend your time worrying about. Perhaps maturity has brought forth this realisation, you are unsure… But you are pleased with this new outlook and you will remind yourself of this each day that you awake to find a pimple, a bump, something less than perfect upon your physical being… You will embrace it. You will own it and you will remember that it is not your cellulite that he finds unattractive but the insecurities this stirs within you.

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It sounds like you need to re-train the way you think in order to sucessfully lose weight. Right now I am reading a book based on cognitive therapy techniques called "The Beck Diet Solution" . I highly recommend it. It's helping me lose the baby weight from my son and the pounds I put on during a post-partum depression.


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I am cross with myself for being so ungrateful for all the amazing things i have in this world


Well, it seems that you do have a lot to be grateful for- but let's face it, for the past few years you have also been through a lot of things that were painful. It's okay to grieve and to be angry or upset about the unfairness of losing a loved one too- and how life seems to suck (to put it simply). I've found that when you try to fake a smile and reason away things that hurt you in life, it only makes the pain worse. You have a lot to be grateful for, but that does not take away the difficult things you have experienced. So stop guilting yourself over not being happier. You went through so much. Give yourself credit for making it through.

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You have gone through a lot, and have done admirable things.


You have a partner who loves you.


Time to begin loving yourself. Again. You seem like a wonderful person.


Set your goals in small incrememnts. Don't focus on the whole, focus on a small part at a time. Set attainable goals, week-to-week, and celebrate the successes!


You can do it, and you will.

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Also, I wanted to add that the title of your post is no good. Whenever you approach weight loss, you have to do so out of LOVE for yourself- not hate.


"I deserve to be healthy"


"I deserve to feel attractive and sexy again"


"I'm worth it"


"I know I can do it"


If you call yourself "fatty" and fixate on how much you hate your weight, it is only going to add to your depression.

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Remember that you don't hate yourself, you hate the extra fat! You are not your fat, but your attitude towards food has caused a problem that you know you need to deal with, so approach it like that.


So what you really need to fight against is attitude. It is very hard caring for someone you love who is dying, so you forget about yourself and turn to comfort wherever you can find it. Unfortunately, eating too much food is a temporary comfort that has long term consequences!


So first forgive yourself for gaining the weight. It happened and you can't change that. But now you need to deal with the consequences and remind yourself that you have lots of other goals that conflict with being fat, so focusing on those other goals must now take priority.


Your first task is to substitute activity for extra eating. You need to break your emotional attachment to food, where you use food for other things than nutrition. Start looking at food as something to fuel your body, not alleviate boredom, loneliness, grief etc.


Every time you have the urge to put food in your mouth, stop and think about what you were doing and thinking before the urge hit? Were you bored? Unhappy? Lonely? The mind can be quite clever in distracting itself from unpleasant emotion by shifting from the unpleasant emotion to thinking about something pleasant like cupcakes!


So you need to learn to focus on the emotion, deal with the emotion, and find other things to do with your emotions than eat. Take a walk, call someone, clean house... do anything other than eat when it is not about nutrition.


Find a good diet and plan out exactly what you will eat each day in advance, and don't allow yourself to eat anything but was on the plan. If you want to eat more than that, instead of eating, when the impulse strikes, do something else.


You have your whole life ahead of you, and many happy things like a wedding coming up. You want to be happy and not focused on your fat. So instead of focusing on hating yourself, focus on doing something about the fat... It is never easy to get motivated, but once you actually start losing, the motivation will build on itself.


Also, eliminate your trigger foods entirely... so if you have a penchant for cupcakes or sweets for example, don't indulge in them, or at most one per week at a scheduled time... you can have cake at your wedding, and feel good about yourself too!

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A good way of sticking to a diet through all kinds of bad moods, is by keeping only healthy food in your place, this way you can't grow grab some cookies or something else whenver you get an urge to. Also find some kind of exercise you enjoy, and that benefits you immediately, like put you in a good mood, or wakes you up in the mournin, something. Anyway you need to be eating no more than the recommended caloric intake for a woman, which i think is about 2000 maybe, 1800, dunno, either way try not to eat more than this, and be sure you are exercising with the diet, so you can burn calories, when you are burning calories and eating 2000 a day you will be lower that number from the calories you burn while exercising, resulting in weight loss. Also try eating at least six times a day, split up ur meals into smaller ones, this keeps your metabolism working harder during the day. Some good foods, oatmeal, brown rice, fruits, vegtables, drink lots of water,

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November is 5 months away, 4 lbs a month is a very safe and reasonable goal, thats 1 lb a week and you could drop 20 lbs or more by then. That will really boost your self esteem, but you need to understand that your weight gain can be all from the stress.


I lost 35 lbs in 6 months, the biggest factors being increased exercise and eating very carefully, but not extreme. I cut out all fatty foods and pretty much most "processed" foods. I would stick to a calorie intake of around 1600, if you go too low it is hard to stick with it. If you don't have some hand weights or dumbbells, get some and start upper body lifting. It has been proven that women who lift and do some weight training lose more midsection weight than women who don't. We're not talking heavy amounts, 10 lbs is enough to build a good routine that can be done every other day in 20 minutes or so. Check out link removedfor exercises and free tracking spreadsheets.


Trust me on this, if you get a routine going, a change in foods that works for you, once you lose those first few pounds, it feels like you have the power to go on. Another good resource is Weight Watchers, for some that works the best, especially if you are a person that will respond to a group for support.

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Sugar rush-


i can understand where you are coming from ... about 5 years ago i was over 100lbs over weight- it has taken me about 5 years to lose that weight....


i tried everything, jenny craig, weight watchers, fasting, liquid diet, all protein, no protein, carbs... no carbs... eat grapefruits... no eating after 7 ...blah blah blah blah blah ..NO SUCCESS... none!


The only thing that worked for me was to recognize that i wanted to lose weight for ME - no one else... no other reason accept that i wanted to feel good.


I kept a food journal... i made gradual changes- first i cut out cakes and sweets, then i added more veggies, then i made my portions smaller...


dieting is a mind set- and you have to get yourself into a place where you are focused and determined...


one quote that always made me put down something that was going to hinder my progress..


"nothing taste as good as thin feels"


when i started i didn't have a "goal" ..i just said ..i want to lose weight to feel good... and as i started losing a lb here .. a lb there... i started feeling better and better- making good food choices became easier.


so start a food journal... where you just write down what you ate - if you ate something that you know wasn't the best choice.. write down how you felt when you decided to eat it.... write down how you felt after you ate it.... go back every so often and read your progress... look for patterns in your eating habits.


DRINK A LOT OF WATER!!! Water fills you and flushes toxins and fat from your body.

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It is hard to be commited to a diet and a exercise routine if you think there is no hope that it will work. You have to really want to give up the bad food and start going to the gym everyday. Wait until you are ready and don't beat yourself up. You have a person that loves you for who you are.

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I lost 35 lbs in 6 months, the biggest factors being increased exercise and eating very carefully, but not extreme. I cut out all fatty foods and pretty much most "processed" foods. I would stick to a calorie intake of around 1600, if you go too low it is hard to stick with it. If you don't have some hand weights or dumbbells, get some and start upper body lifting. It has been proven that women who lift and do some weight training lose more midsection weight than women who don't. We're not talking heavy amounts, 10 lbs is enough to build a good routine that can be done every other day in 20 minutes or so. Check out link removedfor exercises and free tracking spreadsheets.


Yeah- Body For Life is a super-effective program- but it is very intense. I lost 30+ pounds on it a few years ago and it got me in the best shape of my life.


But my guess it is that the OP needs to start a little slower (keeping a food journal- working out 3-4 times a week), at least for a couple of weeks- and when she gets the motivation- perhaps start a "12 week challenge" such as Body For Life. It is indeed a challenge- but the results are undeniable.

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I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

Perhaps you and your hubby can take walks? It truly does help and you 2 can bond. You live in the UK where there are usually alot of parks. The only bad thing is the weather and how rainy it gets though. But now that it's summer perhaps you guys can get a start? Then later look into going to the leisure centers and other gyms. It can be quality time spent with each other along with health benefits.



LOL at the title name of the thread though "big fat fatty". Definatly made me want to click on it.

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I agree that Body for Life can be daunting if you follow the exact program, but there is good information on food and changing how you eat. I also think it helps someone look at the animations of the exercises for a learner,.


Only do as much as challenges you without hurting yourself.


1 to 2 lbs a week is a weight lose schedule that is very livable. I think it allows enough normal eating to help build new patterns for life. Diets that are extreme don't teach a person how to eat in a healthy way.


One thing I have kept from the Body for Life (I never did follow it exactly), was stay good on my eating 6 days a week, being honest with that and allowing myself one day off a week. I never felt deprived and I believe it keeps your body from going into starvation mode and conserving calories.

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Thank you, ive taken what youve said on board and u are right. It is my mindset that needs to be changed the most.

I have dumbells and a body ball at home so i shall start on that on a calorie controlled diet and i will talk hubby 2 b into talkin some long walks with me as we live in a beautiful party ofn the world.

Thanks i,m feeling much more positive now. I,ll let you know how i get on xx

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