How Do You Get Over Someone!!

[independantgal]

Who you have absolutely no chance with (I mean it, anyone who says "why don't you?". Honestly just trust me.)

 

It frustrates me! I feel like I'm making a fool of myself too. We'll talk at college I'm always thrilled to see him. On MSN I'll always be the one that initiates most of the conversations etc. I look at his facebook well...probobly everyday?! I feel like a stalker! What the argh!

 

I thought I was over him months ago, but I guess I've realised I'm not. He doesnt think of me as more then a friend and it would never work out. I don't even think he thinks of me as one of his close very good friends either.

 

I don't want to cut him off, I want him as a friend, but its frustrating...what can I do?!?!?!

[Excalibur]

apparently if you'd stop looking at him from afar with technology and initiating conversation - you wouldn't have to even concern yourself about him becuase he wouldn't be contacting you.

[independantgal]

Hmm...good point. He would though if we hadn't talked for a while. Even though we arent the best of friends we are still good friends. We used to be close last year...i guess thats kinda still in the forefront of my mind...I feel like I'd be letting something go...its pathetic.

[ShyKawaii89]

The best way to get over someone is to stay away from them for a while. That way you can focus on other things and maybe even start something with someone who returns your feelings. Then after you are over him ease yourself into talking to him again. If you are not very close then he probably won't think much about you not talking to him for a while and he will be glad to hear from you again.

[SapphireNoir10]

NOOO CONTACT, when I broke up with someone once I just deactivated my facebook.

OR make your friends change your passwords on your facebook, myspace and email so you cant physically check his site or send him any emails. Even get someone to hide your phone so you dont kept temped to ring.

[Excalibur]

No, when he was having alot of contact with you - he was either getting laid, or liking the attention.

 

But now - he's not into attention from you - and he doesn't care if he gets it or not.

 

You two don't really share anything in terms of interests or goals - quitely likely, you share a location called "college" and that's it.

[independantgal]

Yeah I understand what you mean. And Excalibur I think your spot on.

 

I don't want to deactivate my facebook because I have just left college and my friends live pretty far away so i communicate with them on it. Hes just done a lot for me when I've been upset and sometimes I think of him like "my rock". So I would be the only person effected really if I got rid of him...and I wouldn't want to anyway because I genuinly know he wouldn't like not being friends with me.

 

But yeah...sometimes I think your right Excalibur, that hit home. We don't really share a lot of the same interests. We were close a while ago because we had both got hurt and could confide and help each other but now...we aren't "down" anymore. And daily now, we don't really have a lot in common...god I don't know.

[Excalibur]

Basically - you've put what you perceived he was offering you on a pedestal - in short -in a few years when your life is more on track in line with your goals and priorities - you'll look back and realize he didn't go out of his way to do anything that at the time you thought was so critical and special and unique and done "especially for you".

 

You ran into someone that in being themselves - you found alot of insight thru and comfort from - because you who you are not because they are who they are.

[independantgal]

I think I can see what your saying. Although I'm a little confused...is that a good or bad thing?

[independantgal]

and are you saying i should or should not keep into contact?

[Excalibur]

I'm saying that you keeping on saying "hello, what's up" - is not benefitting you, it appears. Your actions must meet your needs - not the actions of others via your actions meet your needs if you're to succeed in life.

 

You two were crying on each other's shoulders at some point during your college career. IT was all about uncertainty, fear, doubt, and frustration and confusion - that was the bond you shared.

 

But you're saying yu really don't share values, priorities, standards, and goals in life - so what would you talk about beyond "hi, how's it going, you still look the same like the hottie you always were?"

 

So what benefit is your action of keeping in contacting doing to gratify or benefit you - not based in his resopnse...but if you're keeping in touch with him to continue to tell him "you got me thru rough times, I appreciate it" - then you don't need a response from himm.

 

If you're continuing to reach out hoping for a response...then you're wanting something you can't control to meet your needs - it won't work.

[SupaflyTNT]

Talk to other guys that will return the time you invest into them. This guy isn't into it and you're wasting your time with him. Trust me, this isn't the only man you're going to be able to talk to intimately.

[independantgal]

Yeah...alright, your spot on.

 

This thread has definatley made me realise a few things.

 

I've made a decision that, I won't really see him that often anymore anyway, unless I'm invited out to the same event as him by my friends. Most of it thereforeee will be technology based.

 

I've deleted him off my MSN so that I can't be tempted to talk to him, although I'm leaving him on the social networking sites i'm on because even though we aren't that close anymore, I still want to have mild contact with him. Still nice to see how hes getting on, and well I do care about his well being. I'm usually and still am a lot of the time someone he turns to when he needs help. I don't want to just turn my back on him. You might say, yeah but you should look after your own well being. Although when I'm down I hate feeling like I have noone to go to, and even though he may have other friends he can, he told me recently that he finds me the easiest to open up and talk with about stuff like that and that I really help him. If thats the case I couldn't just turn my back. I hate turning my back on anyone that feels like they need help.

 

Having said that though I'm not going to initiate any kind of contact. I think as posted that this will help me start to move on and concentrate on other things. Then gradually I can ease myself back into talking with him. I find it likely that after a while he will send me a message or leave me a comment. I'll reply normally. Although I'm going to wait until I know that I'm completley over the whole thing and have fully adjusted into thinking of him as more of an acquaintance/friend.

 

It's hard to explain but I know what I'm talking about and I think its the best solution.

 

Talk to other guys that will return the time you invest into them. This guy isn't into it and you're wasting your time with him. Trust me, this isn't the only man you're going to be able to talk to intimately.

 

 

Your right, I seem to forget sometimes. They'll be someone much better suited to me out there

 

Thanks to everyone for their advice!