lana111 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Can you still be friends with your ex? I never really thought much about it until I had a conversation (through AIM) with my ex of 6 1/2 years the other day. It was a civil & honest discussion. I asked him about his new girl and told him what I liked the sound of and didnt. I discussed my bf. I could feel he didnt like hearing about him but was doing his best to be a friend. I know at this point he still has very strong feelings for me, but they are def subsiding. He was (is) a really great guy, just was not the one. I know on my half we could but I wonder if he'll ever really get over me. I def don't want to hang out and be friends if he still yearns for me bc I don't want him to get his hopes up. But hopefully he will forget about me in that way. So I was thinking, we both say we wish we could be friends, so will we someday? Have any of you? Link to comment
Leezon Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 IF neither of you have any feelings about each other, then i think thats fine. However if one of you still has feelings then its a big no no Link to comment
TBE_1989 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Yeah, I think both of you have to be over each other by the time you start hanging out as friends. If you have any ambivalent feelings or unhappy feelings about your ex seeing someone new, then I think it's too soon to just be friends. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I'm officially friends with my first bf. However, our relationship was pretty shallow. We were young. I hope to one day be friends with my current ex (a boy I really loved) but it'll take a long time before the feelings are gone. Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 i have never stayed in touch with any of my exes, with two exceptions. the first is the woman i was married to and was with for 14 years, and the reason i'm still in touch is because we had 2 children together, who are now 11 and 8 years of age. So no choice really. We are in contact daily, and remain civil, for the sake of the children. There is no doubt whatsoever that if we didnt have children together, i would not be in contact with her at all. The second one is my ex-before-last. I'm still in touch with her because i'm fairly sure i still love her, and vice versa. Plus, she needs me just now. Who knows what will happen there, but if we dont get back together it is my intention to stay very good friends with her forever. Link to comment
lana111 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 well iknow im good. i have no romantic feeling for him. i care for him as a person. never felt weird when i found out he was dating someone. i was actually sorta happy bc i though maybe she could give him what he wanted. at this point he is def not over me, but we will see what time brings. Link to comment
Leezon Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 If he's not over you then please dont put him through pain and dont talk to him until he is.. Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 If he's not over you then please dont put him through pain and dont talk to him until he is.. fair point. Link to comment
lana111 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 well he contacted me the other day for the record Link to comment
Leezon Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 i know, but you know how hard it is for us not to stay NC... If you love him and can see a future with him then yeah, go for it.. If you dont really care either way then stay away Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 i agree. OP, dont play with him. Link to comment
lana111 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 so when he initiates a conversation i should reject it? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 so when he initiates a conversation i should reject it? If he calls, talk to him, but don't give him hope either. I don't advocate being cold and cruel to the dumpee though. Be nice, kind, thoughtful. It seems on ENA, we get dumpees who come on here lamenting about their dumpers being cold and cruel, and then they crucify the dumpers. It's not nice to be cold and cruel. What goes around, comes around. Link to comment
lana111 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 okay. i am nothing but nice and "normal"- no flirting or joking about us. i speak as if we are old friemds catching up. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I think after six years it is likely that the feelings have abated enough to yes, be friends. I am friends with a few exes who have been ex's a long time. One is my ex husband and another is someone i dated briefly after my divorce. Not best friends or anything but i care about their well being and wish them well and vice versa. There is no jealousy whatsoever, so yeah it is possible. If it has been six years he probably isn't yearning all that hot and heavy. Link to comment
lana111 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 i dated him for 6 1/2 years. been broken up since late oct/early nov. sorry, i def did not compose that sentence properly ! Link to comment
Levora14 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I have no desire to be friends with my ex, because he hurt me a lot and never even showed remorse. I don't like him as a person. He is a douchebag. It would be a waste of time. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 i dated him for 6 1/2 years. been broken up since late oct/early nov. sorry, i def did not compose that sentence properly ! AHH...ok. Yea i thought you meant you have been apart six years.... Link to comment
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