Batya33 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 But really, lets say you start dating, and you hold off on the whole sex part til 1-2 months down the road. By this time you really really like the person to the point where you'd miss their personality and character if they weren't around. Then you finally have sex....and its AWFUL!....then what. Sometimes it can't be worked past....I'd rather know with out putting too much time & effort into it. For me we would by definition be sexually incompatible until we'd been dating at least a few months, exclusive and with potential for the long term - meaning, I wouldn't enjoy the sex much before that time. I know that some people judge sexual compatibility in a technical sense - technique, etc - for me if we have chemistry from holding hands and from kissing/fooling around, then I assume that the sex will work just fine. And it always has (although I have a short list of partners because I am selective for several reasons). I wouldn't date someone who insisted on a "test drive" early on to see if we were so-called "compatible" - if he couldn't trust in the chemistry, the passion, and how we felt when we held hands/kissed - or if he was so focused on technique/positions, etc he wouldn't be for me. I don't think there's anything wrong with sex on the first date, it's just a higher risk that you won't be brought home to mom and that you will get an STD. I do think it is wrong to have expectations of being asked out on another date, or called again, just because there was sex involved on the first date and I think it is wrong to brand the guy as a "jerk" or as a player/user just because he decides not to see his sex partner again. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I ditto Allie's spot on! Link to comment
Nixee Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 This is a toughie for me personally I guess. The truth is... I don't see anything wrong with it. As long as both people are consenting, and safe.... as long as it is what they want. I dunno, I can be a very sexual and primal being sometimes, and I fully admit that I've caved at times in my life when the feeling was right. But at the same time, maybe because of the whole "double standard" thing mentioned, almost right away I've had to feel like I should be ashamed of myself. I've wondered if I was overly easy or whatever.... and yeah, it bothers me. Because the truth is... I was always just doing what *I* wanted as well. As I've gotten older I've come to realize that I really don't have anything to be ashamed of. It is a completely personal decision when to do it and with whom... and just because you get physical early on, I've never found that to be an indicator that you won't become serious or find love with someone. Likewise.. you can do it early on, and know right off the bat that this person might be someone you just won't ever be fully compatible with too.... so there ya go. Personal choice... don't need to advertise it to the world anyways. Well... cept maybe to ENA hah Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 i guess the question is how can you be at more risk of an std the first night than a couple months later? Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 i guess the question is how can you be at more risk of an std the first night than a couple months later? Because hopefully you've talked about your pasts, have a plan for using condoms and maybe even have been tested for STD's if you are going to be exclusive. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 The chances are the same unless the partner is having other partners while you're doing it with them. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 The chances are the same unless the partner is having other partners while you're doing it with them. that's what i thought. allie, why not use a condom each time? be safe always. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Man, I hate condoms.... ditto for realleo Link to comment
doyathink Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Man, I hate condoms.... LOL! I was just going to write that. I hate hate hate them. The only good reason to be exclusive with someone right now. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I'm not officially exclusive with anyone, but we are both not doing anything with anybody else, so no condoms for me at this time.. Score! edit - I have no problem doing it on the first date, if the feeling is right. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 The chances are the same unless the partner is having other partners while you're doing it with them. The risk is higher...because let's just say Jim and Sue have their first date and they have sex...well, maybe they go out for a few more dates, have sex every time, but then it doesn't progress into a relationship....so then Jim meets Jane and they have sex on the first date. In the meantime, Sue meets Bill and has sex with him on the first date. Both those pair-ups fizzle in a couple of weeks and now Jim is on to his third sex partner in a short period of time and so is Sue. So they haven't gotten tested (because it is too soon to be tested) in between sex partners because all of them have happened within a few weeks of each other....because basically, you have to figure that if someone is going to sleep with you on a first date or 2nd or third date...how many of those 1st, 2nd, 3rd dates have they had while they were single and looking for a relationship. It is not an issue of having sex with more than one person in at a time...it is the issue of having serial sex partners in a short period of time. That is why you are more at risk for STDs. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Perhaps I'm not understanding the topic. If I have sex with Jim on Monday, then I have sex with him again the next monday and wednesday and friday, I have been exposed at time one and as long as he has not had sex with anyone else (which is what I said in my post) then I'm no more exposed than I was the first time. Of course having multiple partners over a short period of time is increased exposure and increased risk of an std. I also don't understand this 6 month testing thing.. many of these diseases lie domant in both males and females for many months. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Perhaps I'm not understanding the topic. If I have sex with Jim on Monday, then I have sex with him again the next monday and wednesday and friday, I have been exposed at time one and as long as he has not had sex with anyone else (which is what I said in my post) then I'm no more exposed than I was the first time. Of course having multiple partners over a short period of time is increased exposure and increased risk of an std. I also don't understand this 6 month testing thing.. many of these diseases lie domant in both males and females for many months. HIV antibodies can be detected in 3 to 6 months. I wait 6 months (6 months since the last time the person had sex) before believing that the test is accurate. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 agree with above posters... and if the connection was strong... i would do it... but this may sound like a double standard... but she wouldnt be gf metarial for me... QUOTE] That is the exact double standard that I believe debaser referred to. Link to comment
Nixee Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 agree with above posters... and if the connection was strong... i would do it... but this may sound like a double standard... but she wouldnt be gf metarial for me... QUOTE] That is the exact double standard that I believe debaser referred to. Agree.... what exactly about this act would make a woman less "girlfriend material"? Do you think the fact that you went along with it as well should make you less likely to be "boyfriend material" for her? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 maybe because he doesn't want to have a "strong connection" with someone who is girlfriend material - by his definition, if he has a strong connection, he'll have sex but that person will never be girlfriend material. hmmmmm reminds me of the sex and the city where carrie has sex with the guy she meets in her therapist waiting room. the next morning she asks him So, why are you in therapy? Because every time I have sex for the first time with a woman, I feel compelled to run away. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 In m y book, any guy who has a problem with this is not BOYFRIEND material. Not only are they sexist, they are a tad too immature to have an adult relationship with. What next, she can't eat on the first date? That's a bodily need, also. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Perhaps I'm not understanding the topic. If I have sex with Jim on Monday, then I have sex with him again the next monday and wednesday and friday, I have been exposed at time one and as long as he has not had sex with anyone else (which is what I said in my post) then I'm no more exposed than I was the first time. Of course having multiple partners over a short period of time is increased exposure and increased risk of an std. I also don't understand this 6 month testing thing.. many of these diseases lie domant in both males and females for many months. My point is that if someone has sex with a person on the first date, chances are they have repeated that kind of behviour with others in a short period of time prior to them hooking up with you...yes, your risk with Jim is the same whether you sleep with him on the first date or the 4th date...what I am talking about is behaviour patterns that make the risk higher. Link to comment
Nixee Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 My point is that if someone has sex with a person on the first date, chances are they have repeated that kind of behviour with others in a short period of time prior to them hooking up with you...yes, your risk with Jim is the same whether you sleep with him on the first date or the 4th date...what I am talking about is behaviour patterns that make the risk higher. Just because a person will have sex with someone on a first date, or shortly after a first date, does not mean that they constantly have a string of "first dates" though. Being quick to chemistry and quick to the sack does not always equate to many sexual partners. It is merely a speed preference, and I think this is important to note. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Just because a person will have sex with someone on a first date, or shortly after a first date, does not mean that they constantly have a string of "first dates" though. Being quick to chemistry and quick to the sack does not always equate to many sexual partners. It is merely a speed preference, and I think this is important to note. When people talk about "chemistry" which results in hopping into bed after knowing them for 5 minutes, that is called lust....and while I can't conclude it for everyone, I would hazard a guess, that the person they have just slept with is not the first one they have jumped into bed with at the drop of a hat. Also, people who do that tend to be the ones who want to test drive someone before deciding on a relationship...or they are horny etc. Link to comment
princess_summer_blue84 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 My opinion on this is : From what I've been told and actully experienced here, a lot of guys think less of the girl if " they" have sex on the first date. But now, on the other hand, some couples connect on a basic level and not sexuall either althou they do. Like with my fiancee' and I we had sex on the first date and well I was nervous but at the same time I felt the love there from him. He hasn't treated me differently . It just depends. Personally thou if I was the girl or guy I would wait until you actully get to know the person more. ( like what I did, my fiancee' and I have been friends for years). Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 My opinion on this is : From what I've been told and actully experienced here, a lot of guys think less of the girl if " they" have sex on the first date. But now, on the other hand, some couples connect on a basic level and not sexuall either althou they do. Like with my fiancee' and I we had sex on the first date and well I was nervous but at the same time I felt the love there from him. He hasn't treated me differently . It just depends. Personally thou if I was the girl or guy I would wait until you actully get to know the person more. ( like what I did, my fiancee' and I have been friends for years). Yes, it is a whole other matter if you have actually known the person for quite a while prior to dating and then you have sex on the first date...because it is not like you are having sex with a stranger...there is a deeper connection that has been built up. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Even if I were friends for years I would still wait because romantic relationships are usually very different from friendships. Link to comment
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