The Moment I Start Moving On...

[LW4E]

I started a thread a few days ago about my realization that I don't need my ex and can live perfectly fine without her and how I was making serious attempts to change my life for the better, get a job, go to summer school etc.

 

Well, when I came to that realization, I told myself that I would be beginning strict No Contact with her. Of course I realized that I had an outstanding plan I made with her for the upcoming Monday (Last Night.) So I pretty much tried to avoid her until that day came... I guess it wasn't to be that easy.

 

On Friday, I wrote my last exam of the year and she was there, sitting next to me writing, she showed up at school about an hour before the exam and stuck around me and a friend and we just hung out until the exam started. After the exam she practically forced me to take the bus home with her, forcing a bus ticket into my hand and saying "It's too hot out for you to walk all the way home, take the bus with me." I took the bus with her and the whole way home, the bus ride and the walk that followed, we were jokingly poking fun at each other, basically bickering but in a non-harmful way.

 

We went home that night and I was bored, it was Friday night and I had nothing to do, so I called her up and asked her if she wanted to go to the mall with me, just so we could both get out of the house on Friday night. She said she'd just need to take a nap and she'd call me when she woke up... well, she ended up calling me two hours earlier than expected and we went out, we ate, something happened to me and I got pretty sick, my stomach felt like it was going to explode so on the way home we stopped at a movie theatre so I could use the washroom. When I got out my stomach hurt even worse, and she really seemed concerned, we took the bus home and went out separate ways and I drank a lot of water to help with my stomach ache (Irrelevant, I know.)

 

The next day, I woke up, put on my MP3 player and went on the computer, I was startled when I saw my bedroom door open from the corner of my eye, it was my ex... she came into my room and told me that she needed to find her wallet and thought that it might be in my room somewhere, so we looked around for a bit but had no luck finding it. After realizing that it probably wasn't in my house, she asked me if I wanted to go out, I said sure and suggested we take a bus to my old neighbourhood, since she took me to her old neighbourhood a few weeks prior. We got off the bus, walked around contemplated going to a movie, decided against it, then began the long walk down the highway to my old house. On the way there we both realized we were really hungry, so we stopped at a steakhouse for lunch and enjoyed our food together, still while poking fun at each other. We looked at my old house, brought back some nice memories and then we hopped on the bus and headed back home. Once I got home I went on msn and my friend told me that I was invited to a graduation party on Tuesday night (Even though I'm not graduating this year.) I said I'd definitely be there, then my friend asked me to call my ex to ask her if she'd be there, so I did, told her about the party and she said she'd come. While we were on the phone she told me she was a bit hungry and wanted to go out for a small snack... I was a bit hungry too and she suggested that we go out for ice cream, wanting to get out of the house, I agreed. We went out for ice cream, she insisted on paying for it to pay me back for lunch, we sat down outside and ate our ice cream together before deciding to head home. On our way home, we continued our usual poking fun at each other until we came to the street corner that we usually part ways on. Instead of the usual hug and "see ya later" we stood there and talked for a bit, she asked me things like where I was looking into working and I told her that I would probably go to work with my father for the summer. The thing about my father is, him and my mother are divorced and haven't spoken since 2002, my mom doesn't know that I still talk to my father, and if she did know she'd probably have a fit over it, also, my father has a warrant out for his arrest after skipping an important court date. Knowing all of this, my ex starts questioning me:

 

Her: So, how's that going to work out, isn't the a warrant out for his arrest or something?

Me: Yeah...

Her: Are you going to be okay?

Me: Yeah, why do you ask?

Her: Well, I've just been concerned for you for a long time.

Me: Why?

Her: Because of your dad, I don't know how you'd take it if he were to get taken away.

Me: I'd take it like I've taken everything else this year... I talked to him one night before he was supposed to go to court and receive his sentencing, you remember that night?

Her: Yeah, you were on the phone for hours.

Me: I was upset, but it wasn't really anything I showed too much... of course, I can't help but to say that the idea of my father going to jail was drowned out when you broke up with me one day after I had that conversation with him.

Her: ...

Me: ...

Her: ...

Me: Anyway...

 

Our conversation just kept on going until she asked me if I wanted to go to a park and sit down and talk, I never miss an opportunity to talk to her because I always loved talked to her when we were together and toward the end of our relationship, she didn't talk to me very much at all and I missed it, so when she askes to talk now I just go for it because she's one of the few people I enjoy talking to... even if I partially hate her guts. we talked a lot about people, music, TV, movies, the usual stuff before we got up and finally went our separate ways.

 

That night, a friend of mine started talking to us on msn, he asked if we wanted to go up to his neighbourhood to visit him the next day, I was all for the idea, but my ex kept saying "I'll see, I'll see" eventually she said "If I'm not doing anything tomorrow, I'll take the bus up with Blake."

 

Okay, so I knew she wouldn't be doing anything because she has no life and never does anything. Sunday morning, I call her up at about 9:30 AM and ask if she's coming up to visit our friend with me. She says "No, no... I'd rather stay home today." so I take the bus out to the station to meet my friend, he sees me without my ex and begins questioning where she is, I tell him that she said she'd rather stay home, and he got really mad "She said if she wasn't doing anything, she'd come up to visit me... that's it... I'm going to her and I'm dragging her out of her house." True to his word... he came to our neighbourhood and we went to her house, we went for a walk and a little hike through a wet forest. When we got out of the forest it was about 4:00 PM and my friend suggested that we take the bus up to his neighbourhood and hang out for a bit... that's when our day lost control.

 

Him: We should go up to Aurora, we can buy snacks and drinks, just hang out and watch a movie or something.

Her: No

Him: Why?

Her: Because I just want to go home.

Him: Why, what's wrong?

Her: Nothing, I just want to be home.

Him: But you're always home... you never get out of the house.

Her: I don't care.

Him: Hey, you said that if youweren't doing anything today, you'd come visit me.

Her: Well I have things to do.

Him: Like what?

Her: Stuff.

Him: Stuff...

Her: Yes.

Him: I don't know why you have to act like this.

Her: Like what?

Him: Like a selfish "B" you said one thing, now you're doing another.

Her: I don't care, I don't want to go, okay?

Him: For years you've had friends bending over ass backward trying to please you and keep you happy, meanwhile you won't even come close to doing the same for your friends.

 

It just kinda went on like that until she started yelling and screaming at him, I tried my best to stay out of it, because I knew if I got involved, she'd probably try to kill me again. When we got back to her house, she practically challenged me to say something, so I did and told her that this is exactly how she's pushed every other friend away and out of her life, she got mad and went inside. Long story short, we got her back out, we cheered her up, I apologised to her, we got snacks and drinks and all went to our friend's neighbourhood and wathed a movie, just like he said. I went home with my ex, an hour and a half and three bus rides home. She kept telling me how much fun she had and basically just talked to me a lot on the way home, after getting off the third and final bus and beginning our final walk home, she went back to grabbing my arm and putting it around her, something she had done quite frequently a few weeks before, before we got into a big fight that pushed us away from each other for a while.

 

Yesterday, she called me up asking me to run some errands with her before her sister got home from school, we ended up running errands and going out for coffee... later on I stuck with the earlier plans I had made and went to her place to watch wrestling.

 

Tonight, we'll both be attending a grad party, we'll probably even go there together, since we live so close and will probably be walking there. tomorrow night, I'm starting my summer job hunt... because I don't think working weekends with my dad will do me much good when it comes to keeping occupied this summer.

 

I have one question though... It's probably been asked a million times before, but when I was feeling like I couldn't live without her, she didn't even seem too pleased to even look at me, no matter how confident I acted. Now, I know I don't need her, and I don't want her half as much as I did back then and suddenly she's "concerned" for me, constantly giving me looks etc. I don't really know what I want anymore, I know I want to get on with my life and believe me, I will, I love myself now more than I ever have in my life and I am determined to make something of myself, both short and long-term. However, at the same time... I still do love her, she was my first love and I know that I'll never stop loving her no matter what, I'm just not sure whther or not I really want her.

 

Anyway, my question I referred to earlier, is mostly for the dumpers who may feel like thay have been in my ex's shoes in the past. What is it that makes dumpers act like this? Is this how they play games or something?

 

Thanks.

[riley123]

I have one question though... It's probably been asked a million times before, but when I was feeling like I couldn't live without her, she didn't even seem too pleased to even look at me, no matter how confident I acted. Now, I know I don't need her, and I don't want her half as much as I did back then and suddenly she's "concerned" for me, constantly giving me looks etc. I don't really know what I want anymore.

 

You've unlocked the secret of getting an ex back, my friend. For the dumper, it’s not so much a game as is a reaction to seeing the person they let go move on.

 

Remember, the only way to get them back is to move forward without them.

[LW4E]

You've unlocked the secret of getting an ex back, my friend. For the dumper, it’s not so much a game as is a reaction to seeing the person they let go move on.

 

Remember, the only way to get them back is to move forward without them.

 

I've heard before that moving on is the best (or only) way to get an ex back... but I, like everyone else out there always had that thought lingering in the back of their mind "What if I push them away?" For me, this has been pretty easy because like I said, I don't want her nearly as much now as I did a couple weeks ago... I think she has been caught off guard by my ability to move on because when she broke up with me, I did the whole begging and pleading thing yeah, I was stupid. Not only that, but she had someone constantly in her ear telling her all sorts of nasty things about me, at one point even saying to her and I quote "He feeds off of you, he'll never be able to move on without you... it's really pathetic." you think seeing something like that would give extra motivation to move on, and it did... but I never acted on that motivation and I always lingered around her with the hope that she'd ask me if I wanted to try again.

 

Now, I'm happy on my own, I don't ever contact her anymore... she's the one to contact me, I actually just got home from school, we both had to go in, I had to look at summer school options and she had to return a text bok, look into summer school and re-do all of her personal information for the school. We sat in the hallway while she filled out her info form and I said something that made her laugh to the point of tears... it was pretty entertaining to watch her cry over something as silly as a janitor joke, but at the same time... I haven't made her laughcry in three years.