Hope143 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Hello, My boyfriend of 2 years and I drive each other crazy. Does anyone know when love turns to hate?? What are the signs? We fight a lot, I think we're drifting apart. We just can't stop fighting and it's like it's so hard for us to understand each other. Is this the beginning of the end?
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 If you can work on your problems then the beginning. Maybe you should go on a break or trying to see eachother less. Me and my bf were living together and we drove eachother crazy so we started living apart again and seeing eachother less and its much better.
jettison Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Where their is passion, there is hate. It will always be like this. If you feel extreme passion for someone, then just understand that hate is on the other side of that coin. Mature relationships run warm and cool. Passioned relationships are extremely hot or cold. There is a pretty famous Buddhist who contends that "Every romance is on the rocks by its very nature." If you have passion, then your relationship is trouble. So, you have choices. You can accept the uneasy feelings, the occasional hate and/or resentment, learn to deal with it. Learn to accept it. You can learn to stop denying the hate, but instead to acknowledge its presense, accept that you feel this way, that you're going to feel this way sometimes, and just be ok with it. You'll have to learn not to act on it too much, but also not to internalize it. "The monster inside me, he won't be talked out of anything. He's got an appetite." Show that monster the light of day. Expose your hate, understand it, explore it... awareness is the key. When we are aware of something, when we expose it, then it tends to dissipate, and it loses its power. Your other alternative is a cooler kind of romance. That's what most LTR couples end up settling into.
Excalibur Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Without love - there cannot be hate - they're each side of the same coin. where there is apathy - there is neither. You can't take the good without the bad - the traits that drew you to him in some situational applications are going to drive you crazy. You have to figure out if there is more positive than negative...and make decisions accordingly.
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I'd say give each other some space. What exactly are you fighting about? Is there actually an issue or do you fight just to fight?
Papillion Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Hello, My boyfriend of 2 years and I drive each other crazy. Does anyone know when love turns to hate?? WHat are the signs? We fight a lot, I think we're drifting apart. We also can't stop fighting and it's like it's so hard for us to understand each other. Is this the beginning of the end? My last two relationships were like that. Totally toxic. Full of passion but full of fights too. Fight after fight after fight. It knackered me out. Both relationships ended horribly in tears and a blaze of glory and drama. You have to ask yourself, do you want a lifetime of drama and fighting? Will it exhaust and depress you, or do you secretly thrive on it and crave it? Some people love the rollercoaster. Personally, i think i hate it, altho many people have pointed out to me that since i seem to spend my life on an emotional rollercoaster, i must subconsciously want that. Otherwise, why do i keep choosing these high-maintanance hot/cold, on/off, bi-polar women all the time? Its hard to argue with, i think maybe they have a point. To answer your question, there is a very thin line between love and hate. But, its in the up/down on/off passionate fighty relationships where this is most prevalent. I actually spent most of those two relationships simultaneously loving and hating the girl. Toxic.
Hope143 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 We go on breaks for a like a day or two, here and there but we usually spend our time together. The only break we ever had was not seeing each other for like 2 weeks awhile back because we had this huge fight. We really don't fight about anything, just the most stupid things. Also, he calls me names and are really nasty when he gets mad but he never touches me when he's mad. The only thing is.. he says a lot of hurtful things and he makes me thinks that he hates me and sometimes I also say stuff that I don't mean when I'm mad and that sometimes makes him wonder if i care about him. =/
Excalibur Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Let me venture a guess - the rude remarks, the cutting edge, the attitude, and the flagarant actions - you two would never take those with bosses, cops, or parents - no matter how mad you were. You'd be scared of the consequences of "inappropriate actions" on your part. But with each other - you've found your immaturity based equivalent, so you can hit, slap, kick, punch each oother verball - letting how you feel dictate how you act.
anggrace Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Hate? Im familiar with feeling love and anger or love and resentment. But if you're feeling anything close to hate for the person you're with, I don't think you need a break from eachother, I think you need to permanently stay away from eachother. I just can't imagine hating the person I was with. Although I will say I've felt hated in a relationship. I didn't stay.
Hope143 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 I don't want to break up with him but sometimes you get this feeling like.. I can't stand to be with this person because he drives me crazy but at the same time you just can't picture yourself being with anybody else.
now_better Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 a bit abbreviated, but maybe this will give you a smile. this is from one of my favorite musicals Avenue Q: You think getting along same as loving? Sometimes love right where you hating most... The more you love someone, The more you want to kill ‘em. The more you love someone, The more he make you cry Though you are try For making peace With them and loving, That’s why you love so strong You like to make him die! Sometime you look at him And only see fat and lazy, And wanting baseball bat For hitting him on his head! ... So if there someone You are wanting so To kill ‘em. You go and find him. And you get him. And you no kill him. ‘Cause chances good He is your love.
Papillion Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I don't want to break up with him but sometimes you get this feeling like.. I can't stand to be with this person because he drives me crazy but at the same time you just can't picture yourself being with anybody else. tell me about it hon. story of my life.
Hope143 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 a bit abbreviated, but maybe this will give you a smile. this is from one of my favorite musicals Avenue Q: You think getting along same as loving? Sometimes love right where you hating most... The more you love someone, The more you want to kill ‘em. The more you love someone, The more he make you cry Though you are try For making peace With them and loving, That’s why you love so strong You like to make him die! Sometime you look at him And only see fat and lazy, And wanting baseball bat For hitting him on his head! ... So if there someone You are wanting so To kill ‘em. You go and find him. And you get him. And you no kill him. ‘Cause chances good He is your love. LOL.. aww that's funny.. but i've never heard of Avenue Q
Hope143 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 Papillion, Yea and this is the first time I've ever felt this way and I have no idea what to do.
Hope143 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 Ohhh and thank you for everybody's advice. I really appreciate it!!! =)
Raph Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 Sometimes you may feel resentment but you can love a person at the same time. But if it's really violent and certain lines are crossed, then there can't really be any turning back, and forgiveness won't come quick. Also, really horrible domestic abuse is unacceptable.
RoseWater Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 If you have passion, then your relationship is trouble. I don't quite understand why passion is trouble? I always thought passion is what drew people together.
KAT MOMMY Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I'd just back up and give him some space. Sometimes people grow apart and I do believe there is a thin line between love and hate. It's like once you love them there are only two other emotions to experience and that is joy and pain. Love to me is a passion that can take you highest or bring you to the lowest degree and the lowest pretty much is hatred. In my case both my ex's I actually really hate the both of them! Hey, I guess that is the way love goes. And if we couldn't be lovers then NO we can't be friends... Good Luck and be sure to do what's best for you.
Raph Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I don't think love technically has to be "ever-lasting". Fights may well happen if you start realising your partner snores or doesn't wash the dishes or doesn't do the school-run, etc... I think it does help sometimes to know a person a long while before becoming committed to the other.
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