girlfriend could be dying, I want to go to

[hyperionxvii]

My girlfriend is in the ICU ward of Bayview hospital in Baltimore, MD. She has a malignant brain tumor and they have apparently given up hope on her. We had a long distance relationship for 8 months, frequently driving and flying to meet and 34 days ago I moved to be close to her so that we could start a new life together. Both of us had suffered through terrible marriages for years, and we finally had our chance to be happy. I have never been as close to anyone as I am to her, not even my kids, my parents, brothers or sisters, no other relationship has even came close. We were truly soul mates. We were to be married on September 21, our one year anniversary of first meeting each other, the most wonderful weekend of my life to that point. On the very day that I moved here to be with her, I had to take her to the ER because of a bad headache, confusion and lack of balance. They found the brain tumor, now only 34 days later they have practically given her a death sentence. It appears only a miracle will pull her through. I don't want to go on without her, I had a brief but wonderful few months of true happiness for the first time since I was a kid, and that is being cruelly taken away in a seeming instant. I do not know anyone else in this area and I am truly alone without her, so on top of the unbearable grief if I lose her, I will be utterly alone in unfamiliar surroundings. I am not really religious, do not attend church, but I am not an aetheist either. If she dies, I do not want to live, and the only thing keeping me from taking my own life is that I fear being punished even more by not being able to see her in an after life. But I do not think it is possible to survive this, the pain is too much.

[sweeteyez]

I have nothing to say that will help, but if you ever need to talk im here,im sorry for what you are going thru....my brother had the same situation, he was 30 at the time. the only thing that "helped"me was sitting by his bedside, day in and day out, and I prayed beyond belief.

im here.

[Supa_gurl]

Don't give up hope. Miracles happen everyday. Even the smallest ones that nobody recognizes. Giving up hope is the worse that YOU can do. Stay beside her, Love her, and be with her as much as possible. If the Lord decides to take her, KNOW that you will see her again by staying here and persevering through all the pain.

[JeckyllNHyde]

i agree with allimom. dont give up hope. even though things seem dark right now it cant hurt to stay positive. doctors are not phychics and it can be possible that they have made a mistake. it happens.

 

i can only imagine how hard this is. i dont push religion on anyone as i am also not really a religious person, but you could look into making the church a part of your life. i am going thru hard times too at the moment and it does give a feeling of being able to turn somewhere i guess. (just want to repeat that it's just an idea.)

 

would you want to move back to your prior hometown if something does go wrong?

[Whiskers]

My family and I have just seen my step father through cancer, it took it's toll on those around him almost as much as it did him, but we're here. Having just lost one of the most important people in my life a couple of months before his diagnosis, I was really not prepared to lose another and I admit that I have a few nervous problems to prove it - well on my way to an ulcer (caused mainly by a panicking mother and two dependent sisters)

Though it in no way compares to what you are going through, I wanted to show you that I understand just a little of what you must be feeling.

If there is anything we can do to help, just message, everyone is ready to listen.

Consider a grief councellor (even if the miracle finds it's way to you)

There are support groups that will not only help you both through this time, but will provide you with a network of contacts should the worst happen.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I'm not religious so I can't offer prayers but I believe in good energy and support...and you have all of mine!

XXXX

[hyperionxvii]

Thanks to all of you who have commented. I am not giving up even though the doctors are. I promised my girlfriend(her name is Helen) that I would never give up on her and I made her promise me the same. I know she wants to fight and make it through this.

 

 

would you want to move back to your prior hometown if something does go wrong?

 

I wasn't living in my hometown, and I really don't have one. When I was a kid, we moved around a lot, I have lived from coast to coast. I was living in Indiana before I moved here to be with Helen, that's where my x wife is from. I hate it there and will never go back. There is no real place I feel that is home. Helen is the only person I know in this state of Maryland, and even thouth my parents and my daughter are back in Indiana, I hate it there so much that I still will not go back. I would feel even more defeated if I lose Helen and resign myself to going back there.

[Roasted Carrots]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. The only advice I can give is to find a grief counselor (your gf's hospitial may have a few). Your gf would want you to continue to live a full and happy life once she's gone, that would be the best tribute to her memory. And like the others have said, there's miracles everyday. Maybe there are some experimental treatments on the hospital you can look into? Maybe another hospital that specializes in brain tumors? Do reasearch, that will help you feel more in control. Most of all, be there for her, love her, love yourself, and please don't let go once she's gone.

 

We're all here for you. Good luck.

[hyperionxvii]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. The only advice I can give is to find a grief counselor (your gf's hospitial may have a few). Your gf would want you to continue to live a full and happy life once she's gone, that would be the best tribute to her memory. And like the others have said, there's miracles everyday. Maybe there are some experimental treatments on the hospital you can look into? Maybe another hospital that specializes in brain tumors? Do reasearch, that will help you feel more in control. Most of all, be there for her, love her, love yourself, and please don't let go once she's gone.

 

We're all here for you. Good luck.

 

I know that's what she would want. And that's what I would want for her if I passed on before her. That's the kind of love we had for each other. But I have to tell you that life has lost any meaning during these last few days. There is no beauty in anything, nothing that I seen before, the trees, the sky, the water, have all lost their beauty. Right now it seems that life is only here to punish with untolerable amounts of pain and greif.

 

I've done all the reseach on treatments and we were being proactive about this. I had Helen enrolled in a clinical trial for new treatments and she was to return to the facility 3 weeks after her initial treatments to see what is working, what is not, and to see what new treatments may work. But this all came so suddenly and overwhelmingly.

 

I will never leave her side, and I do truly love her. But I do not love myself right now because I have no power to help her.

[Dagless]

If all you can do is be there for her with love, strength and support then don't feel bad about yourself for that. Do not underestimate how important those things are because they mean everything.

Don't try and start looking too far in to the future because the possibilities and what ifs that the mind throws up can drive you insane. Take things in steps, if something is happening tomorrow then don't look beyond that, if something is happening in three weeks then don't look beyond that.

 

And don't give up hope.

[tiredofvampires]

I couldn't have said anything better than Dagless -- that post says it all.

 

I add my voice to those who feel greatly saddened to hear this is happening to you. I'm so sorry...sometimes, happiness just seems so elusive, doesn't it? As soon as you think you've struck upon it, bam...there is some sort of other "test" to undergo that can just dissolve it in an instant.

 

But please know that the shock of this, the sense of disbelief and fear, is driving you to imagine things that right now, you must not focus on. Every bridge in life, we must cross only when we get there. And not a moment sooner. Do not let your projections about the loss or the future dictate to you right now.

 

We don't know our own strength many times. Put aside what sort of strength you will be asked to call on later. And only focus on the strength you need -- and HAVE! -- now.

 

It sounds like you are able to see and interact with her each day? Make each moment one of love, not fear right now as much as you possibly can. Fear cannot hold a candle to love in the present moment.

 

Also, I'd just like to add...though I don't know what the medical options and situation are right now in what you are able to explore and do...but I have done a lot of research of my own into various treatments, since I have medical problems myself. I don't have cancer, but I do have a large base of resources culled over the years that are endorsed by various cutting edge and progressive physicians who have sound reputations. And if I had a diagnosis of cancer, this would be one place I'd really look into:

 

link removed

 

Perhaps you might have a look at that...

 

I wish you luck in this...because "it's not over 'til it's over", and you and she still have time to share something eternal together. Love in every moment transcends that moment and is eternal. Keep posting here, many understanding people who have walked in your shoes are here to help, no matter what turn this takes. My very best.

[hyperionxvii]

I couldn't have said anything better than Dagless -- that post says it all.

 

 

It sounds like you are able to see and interact with her each day? Make each moment one of love, not fear right now as much as you possibly can. Fear cannot hold a candle to love in the present moment.

 

 

Thanks for a great post. I know that there is a lot of wisdom there, but right now, I can only focus on the pain. I consider myself a strong person and have been through and endured a lot, but this is very humbling to say the least. Unfortunately, I cannot really interact with her right now, although she is not in a coma, it is almost that bad, I am not sure she really knows who I am. I have her enrolled in a cutting edge clinical trial at a top institution, but this took her so fast that we could not even get started with the treatments.