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Cant take much more of this pain..

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Hi people, ive been reading through the forum trying to ease my pain.. so i thought i would make a post of my own.


Here is the basic run down..


We had been together coming up for 2 years, but i had known her for about 3 years before. she also had a 5 year old son when i met her that i brought up as my own and i was the only dad he ever knew.


Basically i moved out of home to get a place with her and i knew things would be stuff, but i thought this was it.. we travelled abroad together alot and we had our own great family. I thought this was it for the rest of my life and i loved her and her son with all my heart.


In the 2 years that we were together i paid for everything even though she had a job, and i mean everything. Bills, food, clothes, her sons school stuff.. you name it - i paid for it.. We started arguing because i always felt like it was mean that was paying for everything, cleaning, cooking, bathing and putting her son to bed, getting him ready for school etc.


Anyway, we got a new 3 bed house and i was due to propose to her. However 1 month my earnings were down(i work from home) so i asked her to pay the rent and she agreed. The rent day came and she didnt come home...she left me. Since then she has basically treated me like complete crap.


The past 6 weeks have been complete hell for me, ive lost about 2stone(30pounds) in weight. I cant eat, i find it hard to sleep and i cry atleast 5 times a day and all the rest of the time i just feel sick to my stomach.


I blog about whats going on and ive put a more detailed description of what ive been going through on my website link removed

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i paid for everything even though she had a job, and i mean everything. Bills, food, clothes, her sons school stuff.. you name it - i paid for it.. We started arguing because i always felt like it was mean that was paying for everything, cleaning, cooking, bathing and putting her son to bed, getting him ready for school etc.


The root of the problem right there. You became her mealticket, her butler, her mom, her babysitter and most importantly: her doormat. Being a lover got lost in the equation and once the money was gone, she dumped you. Tough break but let's face it: you dodged a bullet, dude. Imagine if you were MARRIED to her and she wanted a divorce. She'd have 50% of EVERYTHING. Count your blessings.


So with the next girl - and there WILL be one, trust me man - be a lover and friend.


Not an ATM.

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Thanks, thats a good point you'v made.


Something i wanted to add is ive been with 2 girls since the split and it didnt make me feel any better. One of the girls came to stay for a few days and i took her home after 1 day because it made my pain worse.

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I am sorry for your pain. I think she just took advantage of you. You are still young and she knew that. I am also sorry she took her son from you. That has got to be alot of the pain right there to. As I mentioned, you are young and you can heal from this. You just have to keep your guard up next time.

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The 2 girls since are just an attempt at feeling better, and it doesn't work that way. So don't sweat that. Just realize that you need a little time to get over it, and when you do, then you will find happiness again. The one girl? Sounds like my ex wife. I did everything, and it was never enough. Screw that, and trust me, be glad it's done before you married her. You actually have gotten very lucky, even though I realize that will be hard for you to believe right now. One day soon though you will see that...my best, keep your chin up and find at least one reason each day to smile...

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It looks like you poured everything into your relationship and she didn't. I think this indeed might be a blessing for you.

There are 2 parts to a loving relationship; Love and Respect. Not Love or Respect. She didn't respect you or your unselfishness.

The pain you feel is because it was real to you, and it will take some time for you to learn that is your past and you can't change what she has done to you and her son. You can't go back and undo these things or some how change who she is. You are only responsible for you and no one else now. Post often and PM anybody you like. We all are in this together.



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Thanks for your support guys, i just went downstairs and had a cry whilst making myself a cup of tea.


I am web designer, so work from home so im online pretty much 24/7. If anyone fancies a chat feel free to add me on the following:


MSN: email removed

AIM: RSLeezon

Skype: leezon05


I'm going to try my hardest to go NC from now. Just the pain is there constantly like a knife through my chest.. every second of the day

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I've been reading through alot of the posts on here and i have realised she really was a square peg i was trying to fit into a round hole. She didnt even posses half of the things i look for in a partner.


Maybe i'm just feeling brave and i'll break down again in the morning. But its lifted my spirits for now

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I'm sorry you're going through this. My ex and I broke up about a month ago now and I'm still feeling the pain (4 year relationship). I loved the man to death and wanted to be with him more than anything and he just treated me like crap for the last part of the relationship and then decided to tell me that he didn't love me anymore. What a joke.


But you know what, it makes me feel better that there are men like you out there. Men who care and love no matter what. So this girl is not worth your time. You deserve so much better and so much more. I know it's difficult for you, especially because you were close to her son as well. But you will get through this, trust me. Always remember, you need to take care of yourself because nobody else will. You're a special guy and you will meet that girl that will recognize it one day, just hang in there. It's her loss.

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Here is what i wrote on my website today:


"I have been thinking alot about everything and to be honest I think I am actually lucky to get out of the relationship with Kate before we got married.


She took all my money, she took all my time and she took all my love and never gave anything back in return. That is not how I want to live at all.


She did not even tick 50% of the boxes of what I would look for in a partner so I guess I am lucky I can see this all now.

With all this in mind I am feeling good and looking forward to making a new start and finding someone that will care for me in the same way that I care for them."

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Be aware of this thing-even it hurts like hell, you'll wake up tomorrow and live your life. Nothing bad cannot happen to you. World will still exist, you'll have your home, job, friends, relatives...It just need time to pass. This is a stage you are going through.


How I "survived" that period? Well, I was waking up early, working a lot, meeting with friends, I was going to bed early in the evening. Evenings were the worst. But, I would just let myself feeling that pain, and waiting the moment to fell asleep because after such a day I would be very tired.


Don't worry, you'll be just fine.

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stay strong ...I'm going through a hard time too...I've been using up sick time and am a zombie at work. I've been through it before and know it will be over but I hate waiting for it. It's been almost 4 weeks and my heart still wants her to show up at my door and announce it's all a big mistake. My logical side knows that this is a waste of time but my heart keeps winning out...soon we'll start feeling a lot better and it will all be over. In the meantime we can keep tabs on our depression diets. 4 weeks and I'm down 20lbs!

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