Are you honest with your friends or do you make excuses?

[Anotherday]

So a lot of these threads discuss some pretty touchy subjects. The theme that seems to run throughout is setting boundaries, which I admit I am pretty lousy at. I opted for the honest approach this a.m. even though I was very uncomfortable having to say what I did with this friend.

 

I'm wondering, do you find yourself making up excuses or just coming out with it, most of the time? I've done the just not return a phone call thing, the skirting around the issue thing, the making up excuses and not really getting to the heart of the matter thing. No one likes confrontation and least of all me. How do you handle conflicts with your friends?

[floaterg]

i used to be honest and demand the truth in return...then one day the truth hurt a little too much. now i'm more open about giving/receiving excuses.

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

Good thread topic. It really depends on the issue for me. If I'm running late to something or can't make it, sometimes I will make up an excuse, rather than admitting I'm bad with managing my time or a personal issue came up. i.e. yesterday I had planned to meet with a friend of mine for dinner. It was a pretty casual thing; he said he'd be in the city the night before, and I said I will too - so when he's done watching the soccer game, perhaps we can grab a bite or something. He called me and I said I'd be in town in about an hour or so. However, at the time I was feeling very depressed and actually almost attempted suicide that night. I didn't feel like getting together, and was going through a bit of a crisis so instead of saying "yeah I can't meet for dinner because I'm depressed" I made up a white lie and said my sister was having car problems so I couldn't get there 'til later. I do stuff like that often, actually... because I'm not in the mood for going out or didn't plan my time right. I'm sort of horrible with planning stuff. I can't remember if I've done it before with this friend or not, so I was just hoping he wouldn't see through it - he probably did. But whatever... he doesn't seem upset about it, prob. just a tad disappointed since we weren't able to meet (he had to head home and couldn't wait to meet) but I didn't even know, myself, how depressed I was at the time.

 

However, when I'm in a fight with a friend, I am usually honest and tell them truthfully what I think the problem is and what I'm upset about. Sometimes I can be a bit catty with it (esp. my sister in the past) but i'm almost always, if not always, honest about what I think. I don't like to skirt around issues if there are problems...

[Anotherday]

Yeah, I do the white lie thing too. Sometimes it's just easier to say you just got their message or that you are going to be late because of X. I have this one friend and we've been friends since the age of 15. Needless to say, we are pretty out there with what is going on. Even if it's not in that moment, eventually it always comes out. But how I know we are true friends is that in spite of however much she can tick me off, and vice versa, we remain friends, even if we didn't speak for a year and a half once. I wish I were one of those people with really strong boundaries, but to date I haven't figured out quite how to do this. I just re-read this email I sent to my friend and I think she is going to be quite, hmmm, maybe not happy. But at least I finally said how I was feeling and now it's up to her to do with it what she wants to. I already made up an excuse the last time saying that nothing was wrong other than being depressed, which wasn't exactly the truth, as I was feeling upset with her. I tried to be as nice as I could in my email, but, well, I tried.

[Pocket Rocket]

I do this WAY too much, because I am a coward and can't just come out and say the truth. When I want to be alone, I make every excuse under the sun as to why I can't hang out when my friends want to see me. I should really just say "I want to be alone" but as of late, I want to be alone so much my friends might begin to think I don't like them it's only fair though, friendship is a two way thing and I definitely don't pull my weight enough.

[jul-els]

Unless it's something really critical, I usually won't say anything and let it pass. No point in stirring the pot if it's not necessary.

 

"Remember that sometimes silence is the best answer." - Dalai Lama

[LW4E]

I'm pretty open and honest with all my friends and the vast majority are open and honest with me.

 

I talk about anything with my friends, problems, grief, ups, downs some of us are even quite open with each other about our sex lives, scary thought sometimes.

 

I will always be honest and straightforward with my friends, and most of them will be with me, even if they know the truth will hurt me, I wouldn't want anything else.

 

I feel kind of bad sometimes, I have a lot of great friends whi're like brothers and sisters to me, but I still consider my ex to be my best friend, although all she does is lie and make up excuses for everything she does (Or doesn't do.)