TFulton88 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I'm currently in a relationship and we started to get involved sexually. He's a very nice guy, and something that i do like emotionally. Physically though, he's not all there. Like. He looks nice, but comes up short in bed. How important is sex? i dont want to break up with him because of bad sex! that seems horrible. but at the same time, i'm totally not fulfilled either. and its not something i see getting better in this relationship. what do i do? Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 well, you can teach him...guide him. what seems to be the problem? does he not know how to use it? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 i think someone has to be somewhat good. you can't start with horrible and just teach someone. i think they need experience. Link to comment
Tulip 128 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 i think someone has to be somewhat good. you can't start with horrible and just teach someone. i think they need experience. having experience doesn't make someone good or bad at sex. it has a lot more to do with it then that. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 sex isn't everything to me, but it matters. if the sex is bad ... im like ehhhh ... and if it doesn't get better then well, a girl has her needs. certainly a guy wouldn't stay with a girl if the "sex was bad" so why should we? lol Link to comment
george237 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 having experience doesn't make someone good or bad at sex. it has a lot more to do with it then that. I concur. You could have been with 20 women and if nobody ever told you to stop treating it like a punching bag then you'll think there is nothing wrong with it. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 most of the problem with coming up 'short in the bed' (unless you mean he is 'small') is lack of communication. Some guys have no idea what they are doing -- even if they claim to have lots of experience - it could be all bad experience. A good way to start is by telling him you really want to please him and ask him if likes what you are doing... then that opens the door for you to say... you know what I'd like you to do..... since you asked first, it kind of takes the focus off your concerns, but still addresses them. Please be careful with the male ego - especially in bed -- most are fragile about their performance and like to hear how well they are doing... so be sure to tell him how much you enjoy what he does do to please you. If all else fails, suggest watching better sex videos, it's not porn, but watching them together could give you both some new ideas! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 having experience doesn't make someone good or bad at sex. it has a lot more to do with it then that. isn't teaching someone experience? i think it is. Link to comment
livefree Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Become more vocal during sex if you're comfortable with it, which could mean anything from taking more control to making noises when he's actually doing something right. If that doesn't work for you, try bringing it up in conversation. Don't say, "I think you're bad at sex." Just say, "I really liked when you insert something you enjoyed here the last time we had sex, maybe next time you can do that some more and then we can try some other new things, and then maybe I'll do something special for you." Doesn't have to be awkward or anything, and you don't even have to let him know you're just not into his sex...Keep it positive and light, almost sexy. I've never really met a guy who isn't eager to please I believe that just about anyone--unless there is some health issue involved--can be competent at sex. All it takes is good communication and an open mind between the people involved Link to comment
livefree Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I'd also like to add that it doesn't matter how important sex is to one person--there really is no right or wrong answer when it comes to the importance of sex. What DOES matter, is that both people place the same level of importance in sex, and they are compatible at that level. If the two people involved never want to have sex, great. If the two people involved want to have sex 5 times a day, great. If one person never wants to have sex and the other person wants to have sex 5 times a day, not so great. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I think my lack of experience in bed (I'm still a virgin) was the breaking point for my relationship with my ex., so yes, it is important to some people. For him, sex was a VERY important part of a relationship so it really depends on how much you value it. Me, personally, I could go without sex for quite a while - as long as there's still the physical (kissing, caressing, other..) then I wouldn't break up with a guy if he's not particularly good in bed... But. That said, one of my former best friends broke up with her boyfriend for precisely that reason. SHE was more experienced (at 28) and HE was still a virgin (I think he was actually around the same age as her but for some reason never had it yet... perhaps religious reasons.) Anyway, they really tried but he seemed almost bored in bed and couldn't get her excited... she said that he came too quickly or something, i can't quite remember the issue. But she wasn't sexually satisfied, and it really frustrated her. He even went to speak with a doctor because he thought he had some sort of sexual dysfunction or something, but it didn't improve. So she just broke up with him. She said there were other reasons as well (trust issues) but I know the sex did play a big part in it. Soo... I guess it depends on the person. I myself was REALLY clumsy in bed (I almost had sex but was too sick so never ended up going through with it with my ex.) and pretty clueless... so I did feel bad for my bf at the time, as he had almost 20 partners... at the same age as me! So yeah.. he didn't really try to help though. I decided to read up a bit on technique and watch some sex videos to get a bit more knowledge/experience with that stuff, and I think that helped. Perhaps you can suggest that to him too, and watch it together? Link to comment
Tulip 128 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 isn't teaching someone experience? i think it is. i don't understand what you mean. teaching someone is experience...but that doesn't mean it's necessarily good. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 i don't understand what you mean. teaching someone is experience...but that doesn't mean it's necessarily good. i didn't say it makes them good. it SHOULD help them improve though. i'd rather have more experience in anything than none. Link to comment
jaded22 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 ive been on both ends of the spectrum. my ex and i started out as a trainwreck....the issue being the sex would last about 2 minutes. luckily for us we were able to talk about it and really communicate and it became mindblowing. we broke up for other reasons but the sex kept me around for a few months after the break up.....i digress. my current bf has the same problem my ex had, lasting in bed. At first i was sympathetic, i figured he would do what my ex did and make a point to 'fix it' and things would turn out ok. That wasnt the case. He didnt like to talk about it, didnt want to do anything about it (didnt see it as a problem i guess?) and currently I am very very unsatisfied in bed. Occasionally we will have a good night (drinking is usually involved on his part) and a few weeks ago i told him exactly what to do so that I could be satisfied, but for the most part its a very very hard topic to discuss. As someone stated, I know the male ego is fragile, but how do you get around this hurdle? Sex is important to me, important in the way that I think both partners should be satisfied equally. It shouldnt be "whups, sorry about that" and thats it. Now at this point I wouldnt dump my bf for this reason but I know I have DEFINITELY thought about if I could live the rest of my life with a sex life that isnt so great...and honestly, I dont know if I could. If that makes me a bad person, so be it, but a girl needs passion sometimes..and a good hour. Link to comment
melrich Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Communicate and let him know what you like. Everyone is different and what is good sex for one person maty be bad sex for another. Unless you both communicate and talk about what you like then you are only guessing. As someone said, teach. Link to comment
Papillion Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I'm currently in a relationship and we started to get involved sexually. He's a very nice guy, and something that i do like emotionally. Physically though, he's not all there. Like. He looks nice, but comes up short in bed. How important is sex? i dont want to break up with him because of bad sex! that seems horrible. but at the same time, i'm totally not fulfilled either. and its not something i see getting better in this relationship. what do i do? when you say comes up short, do you mean he has a short unit? Or do you mean he's just not a very good lover? if its the former, i guess you need to hit the road. if its the latter - teach him girl!!!!!!! Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Well you have to be proactive and inform him what the problem is so he has an idea. Link to comment
zachtos Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 communicate what you like and it WILL get better, everyone has a different favorite style Link to comment
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