Valancy S Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I need some unbiased, outsider advice/input. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year, and we are very much in love and quite happy. Except...we live together with his elderly, widowed father. And I'm pretty sure his dad hates me. My bf works full-time, I am a grad student and work part-time and his father is retired, so his father and I are alone in the house together a lot. We are both very shy people, which I guess doesn't help us relate to each other, also I don't think his English is totally fluent. For several months it was awkward, but we managed to keep everything fairly pleasant, just smiling and nodding. A couple of months ago his attitude towards me started to deteriorate, and I started to find living with him much more difficult. My bf's relationship with his father seems very formal and distanced to me (my family teases each other a lot, fights a lot, and jokes a lot) they don't really talk to each other that much. And there are a LOT of rules, like no cooking after 9 (I often have late classes, so its the only time I can cook), we also can't have people over, move around anything in the kitchen, throw any expired food out in case he wants to keep it, and basically have to act as though we're 5 years old around him. Eventually I started to find these things really hard to deal with, and I asked my boyfriend to talk to him about it. I pay his father rent every month, so I feel that I shouldn't have walk around on eggshells when I'm around him. My bf responded that his father was more important to him than I am, and he doesn't want to upset him because he doesn't know how much longer he will live. It has now come to the point where his father is so rude to me that he won't respond when I say hello to him, or even look at me. He does however feel free to reprimand me if he thinks that i'm doing something wrong. I feel like I can't talk to my bf about it, and I don't know what to do. I should point out that I do actually follow the rules as best I can. I want to move out, but don't have much money and my bf is dragging his feet. I'm also quite scared that if I did move out, he would still behave this way at family gatherings, etc. I mean, if we get married years down the line, will he say hello to me at our wedding??? Does the fact that my boyfriend and I can't resolve this spell doom for us as a couple? I can put up with the rules if I have to, although I think that given the fact that I pay my fair share in the house, and we aren't children anymore, he could be more accommodating. I just don't want him to hate me, but I'm so nervous around him now that I can't even talk. Link to comment
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