Mustang Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 As some of you know, I sent my ex a message on Facebook the other day saying: "Friendship is a two way thing and you've made your point perfectly clear. I've tried to build bridges but it's clearly not worth it. Bye bye" Now, I know I had a right to tell her that but I suppose I just need reassurance that I am not a horrible person. Obviously she will probably turn it around on me and make me out to be in the wrong. She hasn't responded - probably because she doesn't care and or has no excuse. I didn't expect a response from her as such but part of me feels bad. Maybe I should've just disappeared but maybe deep down I wanted to tell her how I felt so I'd feel a bit better and maybe leave her with something to think about. I don't think she cares. If she did, then she'd have said something. I know I did everything I could and I really did hope to be friends with her. It's her loss. I know that but I guess I just feel a bit down about it all and I know I shouldn't. I very much doubt she is. In fact, she is probably relieved and laughing about it with all of her friends. Link to comment
james_sx11 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Well... you can't go back now. You would look very weak. You have burnt your own bridge there! I think that it's time to move forward and don't look back. She never replied to your other text about meeting and then you sent that one - you will have annoyed her. Don't sweat it! Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Well... you can't go back now. You would look very weak. You have burnt your own bridge there! I think that it's time to move forward and don't look back. She never replied to your other text about meeting and then you sent that one - you will have annoyed her. Don't sweat it! Maybe I have burnt my own bridge but she's made it clear I mean nothing to her so I'm taking control of the situation for my own sake. If she's annoyed then she obviously doesn't care about me. If a "friend" had a go at me and I cared about them I would try and resolve things. Ah well. Her loss. I suppose I just wanted a reaction of some sort. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Mustang, you're back to thinking about her and worrying about what she thinks and getting upset and imaging what she and her friends think. there is no good to come of that. You need to really let it go. She isn't responding, and it is going nowhere, and it is holding you up and keeping you from finding someone new. Say to yourself, 'The End.' You have to really put it to rest and not think about what she may be thinking or feeling. You don't really know, and if you have no contact, then she doesn't want you to know. This is like shadowboxing. Please remind yourself that dwelling on her won't change anything, and it is certainly getting you no closer to finding someone who loves you and wants to be with you. Whenever you are tempted to think about her, say to yourself 'STOP.' Then get up and call a friend, watch a movie, do anything to stop dwelling on her. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks. I know. I want to move on because she's made her point perfectly clear but it's not going to be easy that's all. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 No, it's not easy and i do empathize with you. Love does not have an easy on-off switch. But it would help to be a bit more 'self-monitoring'. It is easy to get lost in thought about an ex, but you need to start thinking more about your own self interest and yourself, not about her. Is it good to dwell on her if she is not responsive? No. You get the illusion of being connected to her, but she is off in her own world doing her own thing, that has nothing to do with you. So recognize it is a lot like picking a scab and the wound will heal faster if you give it a rest and start putting your mental energies into other things beside her. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 To be honest, I should've walked away ages ago. I have read left, right and centre about being friends with an ex never works out because eventually one of them pulls away completely and the other (usually the dumpee) is left feeling dumped again. I ignored it all of course thinking that my situation was different and all the other rules didn't apply to my situation and my ex was keeping in touch with me for "some reason". All I was doing was delaying the obvious. How naive. So it's my own fault in a way for putting myself through it but at least I can walk away knowing that I did all I could. I (foolishly) still care about her and it's sad that we can't be friends but one day I will look back and probably be stronger for it. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 But I'm going to say it again, and sorry if its harsh........... YOU'RE NOT READY TO BE FRIENDS AND SHE KNOWS IT. That's why she is ignoring you. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I agree with GoldenHillGuy. I think if you are honest with yourself, it wasn't a friendship with her that you wanted. You wanted to get back together, and you were longing to see her, and I'm sure she realizes that, and probably feels that ignoring these attempts to get together is for the best. As others have said, it's not the most mature reaction in the world, but there it is. I hope this time you really stick to your guns, stop contacting her and allow yourself time to really heal. Link to comment
gee Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Godenhill, is correct! You seem to be trying way too hard to get her attention by sending her messages and you never get a response! Wake up buddy! If you continue on focusing all your energy on her you will never move on and will always end up back to square one. i think you should start focusing on your future! Let it go and let her be! good luck this time! gee Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 OK… I’m going to be harsh because you haven’t once listened to what anyone has told you. So here it comes… You should have stuck with No Contact. Heck you almost made it 2 days in the last 7-8 months huh? Having read your daily posts of attempts at contacting her including texting, Facebook, MSN, Myspeace, family, friends, blah… blah… blah… Quite frankly Mustang this message made you come off as weak, scared, and desperate - totally pathetic. I’m surprised this girl doesn’t hit you with a restraining order. Buddy I feel for you. You love the girl and can’t let go. So much so that you knew you couldn’t be a friend without being desperate, needy, and clingy. My gosh Mustang… if you wanted a chance with her in the future why would you continue to harass her like this? I’ll bet she fully understands why she left you and why it was the right decision. Now she’s moved on with her new boyfriend and your continued pestering actions make them a closer couple. I’ve said it before, we all have, and I’ll say it again; TIME TO LET GO. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Listen, I’m sorry. Face reality. Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 I'm not offended. I appreciate what you're saying. I know I've not made things easy for myself. I know I've made all the mistakes that I shouldn't have done. I want to move on more than anything and be over everything. But at the same time, I do think she could've been a bit honest with me rather than keeping me as a friend when she really didn't want me to be a friend. It would've saved me a lot of embarrassment and her a lot of hassle. She may have been avoiding the truth so not to hurt me or to make things easier for her, but it didn't have to be this way. She made me look like an idiot. She made me confused and made me feel worthless. I reacted wrongly I know but it's horrible to feel so strongly for someone and them to just turn their nose up at you. I don't know if she is with anybody else as I've said before and as the communication lines were open, I kind of gave myself false hope. I kept telling myself that if she was with someone else she'd tell me. Or she'd certainly not want to keep me as a friend. She wanted me around. I told her that maybe being friends wasn't working and she always found a way for me to stick around. False hope it may have been but when you're in the situation you cling to whatever you can. I know I shouldn't have believed in the false hope and I should've just left it but it's hard to think with your head when you're in the middle of it. Not that it matters anymore. Each day that goes by will be easier. Maybe on a subconscious level I wanted it to end this way so I would have no choice but to move on. The false friendship would've gone on forever had I let it so I'm glad I made a stand. Right now, it feels like the wrong decision but in the end, I'll know I did the right thing for me. But I will miss her. Even the false friendship we had. The thing is, I'm not as weak and pathetic as I come accross. Really I'm not. I can just vent things on here without a second thought. I am out having fun, I have achieved a lot and my future is going to be very exciting. I guess the frustration comes from not being able to show my ex that. The irony is that by trying to show her I'm independent and getting on with things, it's actually making me look clingy. Ah well. What's done is done. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 You're not weak and pathetic. You are a tough SOB. Now get your $hit straight and fly right. Link to comment
enkymion Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Hell yeah dude. No {edit}. Weakness is not hot dude. Take the L. Move on. I just recently did it. Learn from it. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 But at the same time, I do think she could've been a bit honest with me rather than keeping me as a friend when she really didn't want me to be a friend. It would've saved me a lot of embarrassment and her a lot of hassle. She may have been avoiding the truth so not to hurt me or to make things easier for her, but it didn't have to be this way. Maybe she didn't want to be friends, but neither did you. You wanted to get back together. Neither of you has been entirely honest post break-up. Like the others have said, it's time to 100% move on. Link to comment
donescobar2000 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 hell Yeah Dude. No B*tcha**ness. Weakness Is Not Hot Dude. Take The L. Move On. I Just Recently Did It. Learn From It. Lmao...there You Go!!! Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Maybe she didn't want to be friends, but neither did you. You wanted to get back together. Neither of you has been entirely honest post break-up. Like the others have said, it's time to 100% move on. That is true I guess. But it could've saved us both a lot of hassle had maybe she just put me in my place months ago rather than keeping me as a friend when it wasn't making either of us happy. C'est la vie. Link to comment
HoTung Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Hey Mustang i know exactly how u feel. Same boat dude. Its hard to let go but just think a year down the line we'd be laughing at the way we've been behaving. Its just the pain we can;t get rid off - yeah its damn hard and it hurts even more cos u think ur ex doens;t care. I went away for a week with friends - had the best time but cominbg back its all reality again but u know what we survived perfectly well without them before we met them - we can do it again. Both you and i buddy. They don;t want us then why should we care (ok i know we do). We only have one life and its what we make of it. We 're all humans and have feelings but they just don;t want to be with us or love us. Hard and sucks. How old are u? how long were u together? how old was she? I been talking about my ex so much that my mates are sick of listening to it we have to accept they are not coming back Link to comment
enkymion Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Hell yeah dude. No {edit}. Weakness is not hot dude. Take the L. Move on. I just recently did it. Learn from it. My bad... didn't mean to step on toes. I thought if I censored it... it would be cool. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 That is true I guess. But it could've saved us both a lot of hassle had maybe she just put me in my place months ago rather than keeping me as a friend when it wasn't making either of us happy. C'est la vie. Come on Mustang. You're the man. She shouldn't have to "put you in your place". You walk away and let her see you slip through her fingers. Link to comment
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