why he behaves like this?

[saurabh]

Dear eNotAlone team,

 

First & foremost let me thank you for being there.I have reached a stage where in a really need opinion & consultation. My story in short. I am a 31 yr old divorcee with 8 yr old daughter whose custody is with me. I have got re-married 6 months back to a fellow who is also divorced & has a 5yr old daughter who is it with his ex-wife. Now my biggest concerned is I think he is still in his shell & keeps on crying for his daughter in the night. During these 6 months we must have got physically engaged only 4/5 times. How will I come to know whether he is intersted in me physically or he is ineteretsed i someone else? mean its not the question of having sex always but you know what I mean is a physical closeness means you just hug each other & sleep, or kiss types. In fact I have notice that he actually runs away whenever I try to take him in my arms or his back is always facing me when he sleeps. I feel so rejected. During his divorce times he has had 2 strong relationships which were over before we got married. I really want to know whats in his mind, why does he behave like this? Or am I giving a lot of importance to physical activity or closeness.

He often shouts, yells on my daughter for petty things like things not kept or arranged properly or homework not done etc for which I think one can speak to a child in a low volumn & reach accross the message clearly. Was remarriage a mistake? What do I do? Do I divorce him as I feel he is not completely our. As he stays with us but his mind is not with us.

Most of the times his mood is off, he doesn't speak to anyone in the family, practically daily he cries for his daughter, all his messages & mails have the same flavor. I am a human being & need him to be with me. He says he loves me which I really doubt. Does it mean that he is still involved with his ex wife? Though they never speak/meet?? Or does it mean he has overdone with his sexual activity & hence behaving like this??I don't know what to do & how to bring him close to me & my daughter & have a great family life.

 

Pls pls advise asap as I am on the verge of depression.

 

Thanks

[Whiskers]

Are you sure it's just his daughter that has him crying? If you don't feel like he loves you and yu didn't mention loving him either, are you sure you both got married for the right reasons?

It's never nice to reach out for the one persn who is supposed to be there, and have them roll over. Everyone has needs and he can't keep ignoring the need for physical contact whether it be sexual, affectionate or both. If you doubt he loves you like he says he does, then why are you still with him? You doubt he loves you, he doesn't make you feel good about yourself or your marriage and you're being taken for granted.

If he can't see that the relationship seems to be unfair then he's not really interested at all.

I imagine his shouting is caused by the way he is feeling, which he needs to talk to you about, because with out knowing exactly whats going on, it's not going to get better. Besides, I'm not sayin he shouldn't have a hand in raising your daughter (or I wouldn't if you felt married and equal) but since he isn't feeling his best he perhaps needs to back off a little and she's too young to have to feel the effects of discontent.

Have you suggested counselling? I know it seems like a bit of a joke when it comes to couples therapy but he's obviously depressed, whether it be his failed marriage or his new one and he's taking you down with him!

"Love isn't just words, it's actions"

 

XXXX

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I wonder if he is going through a depression. How long was he divorced for before getting involved with you? Do you think he is still in love with his ex-wife or one of the girlfriends he had following the break up of his marriage? Are there issues with his daughter that has him upset? How often does he see his daughter? How long did you two date before you got married? Perhaps the marriage was rushed.

[saurabh]

He got divorced in Mar 07 & contacted me in Jul 07, we got married in Dec 07, so we dated for 6 months. He says he doesnt care or love his ex wife anymore, but how will I come to know whether its true or false? He meets his daughter once in a month for the whole day. Now I feel he should also feel responsible for his new bondings, as Its him who has taken an initial step of getting married.