11 months later

[Llon]

Hello folks.

 

It has been almost 11 months since my breakup and there has been NC for the entire time. I was just reading through the threads and noticed that I do not recognize any of the names on here. That just goes to show that this is a relatively short process, as I used to use it as a crutch multiple times daily. I have perused the postings from time to time over the months and notice that people do not seem to stay here for long. That is a good sign.

 

To the newbies here, I want to assure you that things do get better. You probably feel like your life is not much worth living right now, but trust me, I was there once and there is light at the end of the tunnel. After having a 15 year relationship ended, I know the dark feeling that follows you. It will not last forever, but it also will not go away immediately. It happens slowly, perhaps painfully slowly.

 

Rest assured that within a year, you will be back up and kicking. If I, after 15 years, can get back into the swing, you can too. It has been a long road, with many tears and long nights, but I can say with certainty that I am 500 percent better off emotionally than I was 10 months ago. Sure, I still think of her, but she does not consume me like she used to. I am able to deal with the reality of losing her, to the point that I hope that she is doing well and is happy in her life, with or without another guy.

 

Hang in there, it gets better. NC is the key.

 

Best wishes.

[PrincessBOT]

It has also been 11 months for me. I was devastated after having two relationships end within 2 years, one lasted for over 4 years and the other 1 1/2 years. The last one had me seek out Enotalone after not eating for 4 days, losing 10 lbs. in that time, not getting out of bed, and calling out of work.

 

I too am over it to the point where I wish him well being and happiness. Contrary to what I used to think, I think I got the good end of the stick. I had to become a stronger more self reliant person to get over the breakup. I had to look deep and introspect and the define type of person that will fit my life and it wasn't him. I also found my independence and was catapulted back into my religion and faith for strength and guidance. I've grown and learned so much from the entire ordeal. I have better relationships with God, family, friends, and even co-workers. I have more friends, activities and I get date different and interesting people. I am also up for a big promotion at work because I dedicated the increased amount of time I had to taking on more responsibilities at work. Best of all I am happy.

 

My ex was a very confused person who didn't know what he wanted for himself and I am almost sure he is just as confused and didn't take as much away from the ordeal.

 

It does get better, but you have to work on yourself. If you get hobbies, dedicate time at work, find religion, develop other family and friend relationships it will fill your time and move time along. After awhile the break up will seems unreal like it happened to someone else because it did happen to a different person; you will be a new stronger and improved person.

[Nearwater]

Very good thoughts you two. I know inside I will be fine. Not so sure I will trust a woman the way I did with this one. Gonna play things a bit different next time. All I need is 8-9 months to slip away...

[prettyhate]

gosh i hope so i am at work and its SOOOOOOOOOOO painfully hard

i feel so alone little friends trying to do some volunteer work with animals is even proving hard

this is making me feel ok

[Tinnes]

I agree with Llon. It is painfull, but it just takes time.

Human nature is great. It makes us to adjust to every situation in our lives.

I recommend NC. Great thing.

[Llon]

Princess-

 

Excellent point about self reliance. I was sooooo emotionally dependent on her, to the point that I let her break up with me and call me back 6 times over the course of 15 years. She humiliated me! When we were apart, I was devastated to the point that I could barely function. I realized that I was going nowhere repeating this pattern, and made a decision to make a break. It took every bit of my inner strength and fortitude, but now I have an emotional self-reliance that I have never had in my life, and it feels good. No longer can she dictate my moods and emotions. I rely on myself, and only myself, for emotional well being.

[Llon]

Kanelio-

 

Exactly how I looked at my healing process: slipping away. Personally, I deal with grief by being alone (retreating to my cave so to speak). Others need other people to help heal. It is a personal issue. Regardless of the way you deal with this emotional trauma, there are five things that are mandatory to heal from a breakup from a person you really love:

 

1) Keep your mind busy. Idleness is your enemy. I enrolled in a full load of classes and have almost finished my degree that I started 20 years ago. This, in itself, has kept me sane.

 

2) No Contact

 

3) No Contact

 

4) No Contact

 

5) No Contact

 

Did I mention no contact? As difficult as NC is, it is essential to your emotional healing. You simply cannot be friends with a person that you loved and are trying to get over. Period. It does not work for many reasons. No calls, texts, emails. No contact.

 

Good luck to all and stay the course.

 

Very good thoughts you two. I know inside I will be fine. Not so sure I will trust a woman the way I did with this one. Gonna play things a bit different next time. All I need is 8-9 months to slip away...

[Llon]

PrettyHate-

 

It is very tough. And, yes, the lonliness can be devasting. After awhile, you will find that that lonliness will actually turn into something positive. The volunteer work is a good thing, as it keeps your mind occupied. Just ride out the storm and do your time.

 

Best wishes and hang in there.

 

gosh i hope so i am at work and its SOOOOOOOOOOO painfully hard

i feel so alone little friends trying to do some volunteer work with animals is even proving hard

this is making me feel ok