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Im am so fed up and tired of this

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all my life ive been questioning, am i gay, straight, bi, or what! Not what label am I, but what sexual orientation am i, im 22 and still dont know, growing up i didnt experiment sexually, and avoided sex with girls ive been close with at all costs, i was scared cause i was young, and because i wasnt sure i could get it up with a female, so im 22 still a virgin, going through insane stress and depression and constant metal chaos trying to figure out what direction to take life and where i fit, i have stripped my old identity down, and now im just kinda of free floating with no real good friends, and no one i can talk to on a personal level, AHHHH! i just need someone to connect to, to talk to , i feel so isolated, and people online are great like this forum i just need so good old fashioned human relation to someone, i can really talk to. But on the sexual note, its like im getting so fed up, im not getting any younger, in fact aging faster than i want skin wise, and i havent enjoyed the pleasures of sex!!! AHHHH!!!! I just want be in bed with a woman and a man, try it with both, then come out with a decision, cause i dont honeslty know anymore, and im sick of not, and yeah i can go out and date then find out, but if i want to go on a gay date or something im not comfotable just pciking up and going to a gay area of town, being who i am know, i need to know, so i can kinda know where to take my life and identity. I think to rule out woman the next girl i meet at a bar or something i am going to take home, if its just not happening then i go the other way!! AHHHH!!!!

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Why are you so sex obsessed? Why does it matter if people label you straight gay or bi? Only you truly know what you want so dont be guided into things your not ready for.


People have sex to compensate for there lack of love in other areas of their life. If you are 22 and havent felt any need, it could itimidate people.



ps. I doubt your gay.

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That sounds though. I feel for ya!


it's okay to be sexually confused! I am 24 and I identify as "currently" straight, because I am attracted to some women. ... just hook up with the first person you feel sexually attracted to or if the one night stand isn't your style, hook up with the first person you have a connection to, doesn't matter if it is a male or female... but it can take some time!



all the best!



p.s. who doesn't want to be in a bed with a man and woman!?

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Hey ATL,


I was in your same place, more or less, a few years ago. I didn't have the confusion over my sexual identity (I always knew I was gay) but I was still lonely, a virgin, and really frustrated and ready to have sex with just about anything that moved.


I would suggest two things: First of all, work on making regular friends. Sit down and do some brainstorming as to where you can meet some good people to hang out with, get more involved in your community, reconnect with people that you used to know but have fallen off. Join a church, join a club, get a people-oriented job- do something to get out there and mingle with people.


Second- have you thought about internet dating? I met my boyfriend that way. You might try posting in both the men and women sections if you don't know what you want.


As for what you want- I wouldn't worry too much about defining yourself if it is stressing you out. What gender do you check out when you walk down the street? What gender are your crushes? What type of porn do you watch? Those are all things that can help.

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Yeah, thats were it gets confusing, i know exactly what type of people i check out walking down the street, females, i know exactly what crushes ive developed, females, i know exactly what kind of porn gets me exciting gay. Im a giant ball of confusion and its pushing me and pulling me and ripping me apart, trying to figure out what i have to live for anymore, i dont even know who to approah or what kind of lifestyle to live anymore. I've hooked up with a transexual girl, who i really thought was attractive, and really like, she didnt care about me though.

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Just approach whoever you feel like approaching. If you find somebody attractive, talk to them.


My feeling is that you are straight with bi tendencies- to me the most revealing question is "who are your crushes." I think of sexuality mainly in terms of who we crush on/fall in love with. I don't think the fact that you look primarily at gay porn means a heck of a lot- porn is based on fantasy, not reality, it tends to represent something that we find exciting but not something we'd do in real life.


But try not to worry about it too much. Get out there and meet people of both genders, see what happens.

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You're struggling with way more important issues, one being a very poor self image, it is not surprising you dont know what feels good. You cant have good sex if you dont feel sexy yourself. I would definitely work on that and not worry about what sexual orientation you might be, thats the least of your concern. Try not to pile on too many issues at the same time. Try to break your goals in to smaller more managable goals, feel good about yourself, pat yourself on the back for achieving those goals and move on to the next.

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