my boyfriend never wants to date anybody...ever...and wants to die alone

[Beryllium]

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years and he’s always said that he wants to be alone for the rest of his life but he loves me. He never wants to marry or have kids or live with anybody yet he goes on kicks where he calls me 3 times a day because he misses me. He has a habit of pushing people (friends, family, me) away.

It does not help that he is a 31 year old man who still lives with his mother because he feels the need to take care of her (his father died when he was 11) and has finally decided to move out.

At any rate, he broke up with me this week because he does not want to have to marry anyone (I haven’t been pressuring him) or even date anybody. He wants live his life alone and never date other then the occasionally hookup with worthless bimbos because he is horny. But he wants to remain best friends for the rest of our lives and hang out a lot and he “loves me dearly” and would take a bullet for me. I know him very very well and I know for a fact that he is not lying.

But seriously, who WANTS to die alone?

[NorthDallas40]

But seriously, who WANTS to die alone?

 

Most likely, not you.

 

Drop him and find someone else.

[annie24]

i guess some people are more like hermits than others. i think that it's sad that he's come to this conclusion after dating you for a few years, but better for you to find out now and move on. i am really sorry. i hope you go no contact now and really give this guy a taste of what it means to be alone.

[SapphireNoir10]

Eugh. Absoloutley 100% Looser, pathetic. Dont waste any more time on him

 

'Want to die alone? Ok bye bye'

 

My bet is, he'll want you to be a friend with benefits when he wants them, until those bimbos come along. Just go NC and cut him out of your life.

[DN]

But seriously, who WANTS to die alone?

There are a number of men these days who don't want to marry - not because they are scared of marriage but because they are scared of divorce.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Some people have serious Mommy issues too. Most men don't want to live with their mothers when they're 31 either.

 

I think you have to take him at his word here, and move on. This is not normal. I suggest you don't stay friends with him either, at least until you have moved on and found someone else. Then he can be friends with you and your NORMAL husband.

 

But i suspect his 'let's be friends forever' is just nonsense and he hopes for a little FWB sex now and again.

[Hope75]

I'm sorry this happened to you, but I think you need to take what he says at face value and do what you can to move on. Some people don't want marriage, and if you do, he is not the one for you.

[dream83]

I agree that he's a waste of time and your best bet is to move on...seriously. I would even venture to guess that in his subconscious mind he may very well already be married...to his mother.

 

It doesn't really matter what he says to you other than the fact that he's already indicated that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you or even date you. It's harsh, and I suspect it's a pile of crap. But, if you stick around, you'll only end up giving of yourself only to get none of the things you want in return. Vacate the premises as fast as you can.

[BetterKarma]

I have learned the lesson that when a guy says that he just wants to be alone, it's usually that he just doesn't want to be with you.

 

It's not worth trying to be their friend and wait in the sidelines. Move on and find someone who wants to be alone WITH YOU.

[Imprecision]

I disagree with the above commentators in their assessment of the guy, but I agree with their advice.

 

The guy is sincere. Guys aren't schemy enough to pretend to be a hermit in order to have free sex.

 

Some people will never understand this - but there are guys out there who want nothing more than a quiet, introspective life alone. Back in high-school, I had a most brilliant friend, who said he will never marry, never date and will stay a virgin his whole life. This, although women esteemed him highly. Relationships just didn't appeal to him. He wanted to be a monk.

 

Sometimes men want crazy things.

 

Nevertheless, as the above commentators suggested, you should move on, since he is obviously not interested. You should stay friends with him. Of course, he must observe the rules of propriety.

[LostInFlorida]

There are a number of men these days who don't want to marry - not because they are scared of marriage but because they are scared of divorce.

 

 

Uhm, the divorce thing can be dealt with simply by having a good pre-nup. This guy's psychosis goes WAYYYYYYY past that.

[lady00]

Uhm, the divorce thing can be dealt with simply by having a good pre-nup. This guy's psychosis goes WAYYYYYYY past that.

 

There are a lot more things that people are afraid of with divorce than just the stuff that can be dealt with in the prenup. Some people fear that they will be socially stigmatized (even if this is not the case, people may fear this) and some just don't like the idea of having a failed marriage (even though it doesn't mean they themselves are a failure, some may fear this). Lots of things to be worried about with divorce even when there is a prenup.

[DN]

Uhm, the divorce thing can be dealt with simply by having a good pre-nup. This guy's psychosis goes WAYYYYYYY past that.

Not necessarily. A friend of mine saved money and was eventually able to buy a six-plex apartment building some years before he contemplated marriage. By the time he was considering marriage it was free of mortgages. Even with a prenup he would have had to sell it to pay his wife a substantial sum of money gained form the sale should he divorce even though she had contributed nothing towards the original purchase.

[LostInFlorida]

Not necessarily. A friend of mine saved money and was eventually able to buy a six-plex apartment building some years before he contemplated marriage. By the time he was considering marriage it was free of mortgages. Even with a prenup he would have had to sell it to pay his wife a substantial sum of money gained form the sale should he divorce even though she had contributed nothing towards the original purchase.

 

Then he got bad legal advice. That building was NOT a marital asset. As long as he purchased it prior to the wedding, the only thing she would be entitled to would be a percentage of any marital funds that went towards taxes, upkeep, etc., which I assume would have been offset anyways by rental income, which she already shared in. The only "pre-marital" real estate purchases that would fall into the "marital asset" catagory would be the marital home, and even then it's extremely tough for the wife to get any equity if it was owned free and clear prior to the marriage. Equity accrued during the marriage could possibly have to be divided equally, but that's it. And a friendly appraiser can get rid of that pesky equity anyways.....lol

[DN]

Then he got bad legal advice. That building was NOT a marital asset. As long as he purchased it prior to the wedding, the only thing she would be entitled to would be a percentage of any marital funds that went towards taxes, upkeep, etc., which I assume would have been offset anyways by rental income, which she already shared in. The only "per-marital" real estate purchases that would fall into the "marital asset" catagory would be the marital home, and even then it's extremely tough for the wife to get any equity if it was owned free and clear prior to the marriage. Equity accrued during the marriage could possibly have to be divided equally, but that's it. And a friendly appraiser can get rid of that pesky equity anyways.....lol

Well he got good legal advice for where he lives. Don't forget that divorce laws vary from State to State in the USA and from country to country. What may be true in one jurisdiction, such as the one where you live, doesn't necessarily apply to others.

[LostInFlorida]

Well he got good legal advice for where he lives. Don't forget that divorce laws vary from State to State in the USA and from country to country. What may be true in one jurisdiction, such as the one where you live, doesn't necessarily apply to others.

 

excellent point. I didn't even notice that he is in Canada. Perhaps things are different up there........

[dream83]

I disagree with the above commentators in their assessment of the guy, but I agree with their advice.

 

The guy is sincere. Guys aren't schemy enough to pretend to be a hermit in order to have free sex.

 

Some people will never understand this - but there are guys out there who want nothing more than a quiet, introspective life alone. Back in high-school, I had a most brilliant friend, who said he will never marry, never date and will stay a virgin his whole life. This, although women esteemed him highly. Relationships just didn't appeal to him. He wanted to be a monk.

 

Sometimes men want crazy things.

 

Nevertheless, as the above commentators suggested, you should move on, since he is obviously not interested. You should stay friends with him. Of course, he must observe the rules of propriety.

 

Not true of all guys. I've known at least a couple who used that as an excuse. Apparently there are some out there who are schemy enough to pretend to be hermits in order to get free sex.

[DakotaSkye]

My boyfriend is exactly the same way. When we started dating, I had no desire to bring up the topic of marriage, but a year into it, I started wondering if we had a future. It was then that he told me he never wanted to be married to anyone, ever. That really hurt me. I was so stunned. But, a year and a half after that conversation, I realize where he's coming from. As someone who comes from a broken home, I should be the first to denounce marriage. I just hadn't really considered the other possibilities. I thought that's just what everyone did. I don't think he wants to be, and die, alone as much as he just doesn't have faith in the institution of marriage. And to be honest, I think I would rather be alone than be stuck in a horrible marriage that I can't easily get out of.