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How can I convince her?


kars111

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I think this is the right place. I met a girl thru eharmony. She is 200 miles away in another city. She and I talked on the phone and we clicked. We daily txt and email each other. I finally invited her over my city. I told her that I will take her expenses over here. Well, she and I have been exchanging few txts and she said that she is coming next weekend. We were supposed to talk yesterday but did not happen.

 

I feel like she is either playing games over cyber or she is hesitant to come over. I proposed to go there as well but she wanted to come here...

 

so how should I know whether this girl serious or not? what can I ask?

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How long have you veen talking to her?

 

we have been talking over 4 weeks now. Initially, I offered to go to her city and meet her for coffee or lunch...no problems from my side...I also invited to her my facebook and she accepted so that she can see more than eharmony as you know facebook is more secure and more information...

 

I could meet her anywhere possible...but my problem is that she is either making commitments to come here or never responds...kinda strange!

 

trying to understand her motives! she seems to be very good girl and I am not desperate at all!

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Keep in mind that she is a stranger for purposes of trying to figure out her "motives." The long distance is a big obstacle for some and it could be that she is trying to reconcile with an ex and typing/flirting with someone is good for her ego. I typically stopped communication after once or twice of unsuccessful attempts - unsuccessful because of the other person's flakiness, that is.

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I think this is the right place. I met a girl thru eharmony. She is 200 miles away in another city. She and I talked on the phone and we clicked. We daily txt and email each other. I finally invited her over my city. I told her that I will take her expenses over here. Well, she and I have been exchanging few txts and she said that she is coming next weekend. We were supposed to talk yesterday but did not happen.

 

I feel like she is either playing games over cyber or she is hesitant to come over. I proposed to go there as well but she wanted to come here...

 

so how should I know whether this girl serious or not? what can I ask?

 

 

How long have you two been writing? If it's just been a short time.. then perhaps she needs to get to know more about you before you two meet in person.

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Keep in mind that she is a stranger for purposes of trying to figure out her "motives." The long distance is a big obstacle for some and it could be that she is trying to reconcile with an ex and typing/flirting with someone is good for her ego. I typically stopped communication after once or twice of unsuccessful attempts - unsuccessful because of the other person's flakiness, that is.

 

How long have you two been writing? If it's just been a short time.. then perhaps she needs to get to know more about you before you two meet in person.

 

 

I think it could be a combination of what Batya and christinesee have said. There doesn't necessarily have to be an ex involved, but she might just like the attention/ego boost she gets from you.

 

And it could also be that since you've only been communicating for 4 weeks, that she's hesitant to take that very important next step, but doesn't know how to tell you that.

 

Has she disappeared completely since you proposed meeting? Or does she periodically reappear/respond after a while? If she's just ignoring you, I'd probably write her off.

 

If she responds after a few days, I'd just outright ask her if she's feeling uncomfortable about meeting in person. If that's the problem, just give her a few more weeks. Maybe another month or two. In my opinion, it's better to meet the person as soon as possible (within reason, of course) so you're not wrapped up in the whole online fantasy with the possibility of being disappointed in person.

 

Give her some time, though, if that's what she needs.

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I think you should ask her what she thinks of you. You can ask situation questions which might be better.

 

You guys seem going good, so I don't think she "dislikes" you.

 

She could be a anxious, which it totally natural and okay to feel. If you known her for a short amount of time then it could possibly be more likely that she feels anxious/nervous. But don't worry, it doesn't mean to say she doesn't like you.

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Thanks for all the responses so far!

 

she and I have chatted since yesterday probably 6-7 times and at least 15-30 min each. We are really getting going. She is worried about coming here because she wants to know more of me and I feel that she is not sure whether we will get along during the weekend or not but she likes me all I could tell. I like her too

 

we are in communication. but she says she wants to come here and spend the weekend. She said that she does like the idea meeting half way around just for a lunch. We wont get to know each other much that way. lets see...

 

I will keep you posted!

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You won't get to know each other for purposes of dating/relationship compatibility by typing and talking especially as frequently as you are. You need to get to know someone in person over a period of time to get to know them. with your several hours of conversation with a stranger over only 24 hours or less you have no idea, for example:

 

what she is like when she has a bad headache;

an argument with her mother or boss;

when she's just heard great news;

when she's just heard terrible news;

how she treats customer service people/waitstaff;

how she treats her friends (in person)

how she reacts to criticism in person;

how she takes a compliment

her body language/mannerisms/vibe in person

whether you find her attractive in person, and vice versa

how she is on holidays/her birthday/your birthday

 

that is a short list but a subset of an endless one. you're mistaken that typing and talking mean much at all as far as whether you'll click in person. in fact it harms that because it raises unrealistic expectations. meet once, for lunch and if you see potential, make a plan to meet again for longer.

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