ccali78 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I keep hearing in different posts about ending up in the friend zone after a breakup and that it is bad. Why is this bad and how does it hurt your chance of getting back together if you can be friends? From experience? Link to comment
Chrisanderson Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I would say it's bad because if you're hoping for reconciliation and they have you as an emotional crutch then there is no need for them to enter a relationship with you again because they already have you. Now if you disappear and they miss you/ realize their loss then the chances of reconciliation are much greater. Link to comment
memorypill Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I would say it's bad because if you're hoping for reconciliation and they have you as an emotional crutch then there is no need for them to enter a relationship with you again because they already have you. Now if you disappear and they miss you/ realize their loss then the chances of reconciliation are much greater. Yea but if they dont see you than doesnt that make it easier to forget about you. If they still see you as a friend and still feel close to you. If you remind them why they fell in love with you in the first place (and as long as you are not too pushy) whats so wrong with keeping close. Sure it maybe painful but seriously if things are ok with someone why should you put up a wall just let them come back to you but give them a reason to remember why they fell for you in the first place Link to comment
ccali78 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 But what is right now you really want to be friends because you both need eachother as a crutch. Does that ruin things down the road? Link to comment
Chrisanderson Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Yea but if they dont see you than doesnt that make it easier to forget about you. If they still see you as a friend and still feel close to you. If you remind them why they fell in love with you in the first place (and as long as you are not too pushy) whats so wrong with keeping close. Sure it maybe painful but seriously if things are ok with someone why should you put up a wall just let them come back to you but give them a reason to remember why they fell for you in the first place I see what you're saying and logically what you're saying makes alot of sense. But at the same time you have to see that we're dealing with emotions and not logic. If they feel like they still have you then there's no way they can miss you. If you NEED someone in your life, you'll miss them when they aren't around. That's why we hurt so bad as "dumpees". We miss our significant others and we cling to every "crumb" they throw us. When they dump us they know they are dumping us and they have usually prepared for it. Now when we "dump them back" by just leaving them alone, they'll either miss us or move on. If they can easily move on then why would we want them in the 1st place? And I don't think you're "putting up a wall"- they are the ones who felt the need to separate from us. They put the seperation there- not us. Just my opinion on things. I'm no expert and have wondered the same questions. But from my experience, my ex missed me when I wasn't around. She still hasn't come back though, and I'll continue to stay away from her and give her the space she asked for. Maybe one day she'll come back saying she misses what we had or she'll move on. Either way I have no choice but to move on as of now. Link to comment
Chrisanderson Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 But what is right now you really want to be friends because you both need eachother as a crutch. Does that ruin things down the road? Why would you need a crutch from a person who broke your leg in the 1st place? Link to comment
memorypill Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 That makes sense but i dunno id have to believe that itd depend on the person i mean ive been talking to a lot of close old friends. Most of them said they were in the same spot and they dumped their boyfriend but she said that the guy still tried to be friends and eventually she really did see how much he cared for her and she cared for him she fell in love with him again or realised how much she loved him all along and she was being stupid. They are now married and have been for a few years they are happy together and she admits she was being foolish. So i guess it depends on the people involved you need to figure out if the person is keeping you to help them until they find someone else or are they keeping you close because they still love you just need to be reassured? Link to comment
Chrisanderson Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 So i guess it depends on the people involved you need to figure out if the person is keeping you to help them until they find someone else or are they keeping you close because they still love you just need to be reassured? There's the answer right there! Now the question is how do you find out whether they are using you until they find someone else or if they just need that reassurance. Tough question. You're right, I suppose it depends on the people. Link to comment
memorypill Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 There's the answer right there! Now the question is how do you find out whether they are using you until they find someone else or if they just need that reassurance. Tough question. You're right, I suppose it depends on the people. damn i was hoping someone would know.... Im kinda in that spot im still really confused... Personally in my situation i feel the girl still loves me but you gotta figure out what works for you you really cant just jump for either NC completely or playing that balancing act that is friendship while trying to have them fall for you again. Just remember they fell for you once, why? bring it back if you want them back. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 I know it is confusing. I guess only time will tell any bad experiences of being friends. Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 you have to not be there for them to miss you. if there is a third person, ie they are going out with someone else you are far better off not being their friend believe me. you dont want that other guy to reap all the benefits when she comes to you for help. if there is not that other person maybe LC can be ok, if you can handle that emotional burden. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 I can handle LC as their is noone else and there will be noone else for a long time (this I know because of what he is going through in his life). So can anyone say if there is a really bad reason. We have two dogs together. When we split he took one I took the other. It was hard but it was better for the active Border Collie to be with him where I would have to kennel him all day long. When he travels I agreed to watch him so he would not have to be kenneled not for him for my dog. He has never been kenneled and would go crazy (can be intimidating). So he checked in yesterday and I said we had a great time, went to the park, lots of laughs and left it at that. He texted back wish I could have been there I did not respond. Link to comment
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