ameeker Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I am continuing this thread since I noticed it was closed. I support The35YearAgeGap because mine is, well, a 41-year age gap (OM/yw). One member asked The35YearAgeGap the following questions and I would like to answer them for myself. How long have you been with him? Since April (yeah, I know that's not long) How long have you actually lived in close proximity to him? January-April, but it's currently long-distance. We are both at a point in our lives where we want to move to another state next year, so if things continue the way they are I think it would be wonderful to live together. Do you have a desire to go to college? I completed my master's last year. Have a family? No. Is it just his age that your parents don't approve of? My mom knows and is fine with it, but doesn't want me to be heartbroken when he dies. My aunt wishes I would find someone closer in age. My dad doesn't know. However, I had come out of such a bad relationship with a man my parents disapproved of even more (he was black and abusive) that I don't think they'll be quite as averse to my current boyfriend. I think it's more a matter of does he treat me right. And, yes, he does. 100 times better than the man I was with before. Has he been married before, and does he have children? He divorced 21 years ago and has two daughters. However, his daughters are 10 years older than me so that would be awkward if we married. How did you meet him? Through work Link to comment
CakeLove Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Wow...he is 65 and you are 24. If that's what you want, go for it. What do you want discussed here? Or are you just looking for a heated debate? I guess I do have one question...do you want kids? If so, I hope he is healthy enough to stick around long enough to raise them. Does he take care of himself and excersize? If not, are you ready to be the one who might be his caretaker in the years to come? I think you should do whatever makes you happy. You seem like you know what you want. Link to comment
BetterKarma Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 ameeker, what is your question for posting here? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Here are some other questions: 1. Is he financially well off? 2. If you married him would you be willing to agree that his children get the entire inheritance when he dies (perhaps you being left a token amount)? 3. Are you willing to take time off work, however long is necessary if he gets hospitalized, or when he needs to visit the doctor? 4. If he has a stroke and can't care for himself are you willing to come home from work and bathe him, clean up after he messes himself for lack of bladder or bowel control? 5. Are you willing to slow yourself to his pace if he starts feeling the inevitable effects of age? 6. Are you prepared to have people ask you about how your grandfather is doing. 7. Are you prepared for the anger and resentment from his children who are older than you and would perceive you as a gold digger. 8. Are you prepared to see the hurt in his eyes when his children look at him with disgust for acting like Hugh Heffner. Link to comment
shoppingGirl Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 What do you want for advice? I just ended a four year relationship/engagement to a man 29 years older than me. I was 25 when i met him. Believe me, you will grow and change a lot between now and your 30's. Knowing what I know now, I would never have gotten involved with someone so much older. He is a great person...but the age DOES matter. When the gap is more than 15 years I think it is VERY hard to make it work. WHat I know I need and want now is a man to share my life with...and grow old with. I dont' want to watch the man I love die. I want to have a companion to share life with...not an old man to take care of. You should really think hard about what you want for your life before comitting to someone with such a large age difference. I know when I fell in love, I thought that was all we needed was to be in love. But sometimes love isn't enough....there is so much that goes into making a relationship work and last. I'm not saying you are wrong to love this man...just that you should consider everything that will happen in the future. Link to comment
56mercgal Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 And I thought my relationship with a 57 year old man was a big gap! I'm 41. He has two sons from a previous marraige that ended in 1980. one is 36, the other 37. He thought I might not want to see him if I felt uncomfortable with that, but I don't at all. And he has a three yr old grandaughter. Shoot, I have friends my age who had kids at 19/20 years old who are grandmas and grandpas now! We get along great! Love the same music, I can talk Beatles and other groups like I was there. Same morals and values. I was brought up like Leave It To Beaver! Problem is, he's so far away. I'm in California, he's in Ohio. Going to see him at the end of July this year for a week! I think anything over 20 years may be too much. You have to consider the health,longevity and physical ability this man has and will have as he ages. Link to comment
ManAbout Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I read some of your earlier posts about this relationship. From your posts it appeared that you just fell out of love with him. It can happen in any relationship, not one specific to age gaps. It appeared that he was good to you, your kids, took care of you financially, emotionally etc. What more do you want from a man? Let us face it, you are 29 years old, with two kids and not much in terms of financial stability. Do you really think that quality men closer to your age would be interested in a long term relationship given all these factors? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I read some of your earlier posts about this relationship. From your posts it appeared that you just fell out of love with him. It can happen in any relationship, not one specific to age gaps. It appeared that he was good to you, your kids, took care of you financially, emotionally etc. What more do you want from a man? Let us face it, you are 29 years old, with two kids and not much in terms of financial stability. Do you really think that quality men closer to your age would be interested in a long term relationship given all these factors?[/QUOTE] Ouch... a bit harsh. Plenty of men her age would not have a problem. She has some very valid points about large age gap relationships. Link to comment
shoppingGirl Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Do you really think that quality men closer to your age would be interested in a long term relationship given all these factors? Who do you think you are to judge me? Who I am as a person? What men i will and will not attract? I have a nice home for my kids, a nice vehicle, and am providing for my children the best I can as a single mom. This site is for offering advice and opinions in the most tactful way possible. The idea is to help people, not try to make them feel bad about who they are. You have no idea what my situation is. I have a disability that has made it very difficult to accomplish all the things I have wanted to do. Have you tried to raise two kids alone? Before judging someone walk a mile in their shoes. Link to comment
Hayles Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I read some of your earlier posts about this relationship. From your posts it appeared that you just fell out of love with him. It can happen in any relationship, not one specific to age gaps. It appeared that he was good to you, your kids, took care of you financially, emotionally etc. What more do you want from a man? Let us face it, you are 29 years old, with two kids and not much in terms of financial stability. Do you really think that quality men closer to your age would be interested in a long term relationship given all these factors?[/QUOTE] Woah!! Perhaps a little uncalled for? Okay, so not every man out there wants to be involved with someone who has children, or not much money... But any man worthy of her love would most certainly not see such matters as a hindrence but rather as her strengths! In relation to the original post... I think you should really take on board the advice and suggestions you have been given here, and then follow your heart! Link to comment
ameeker Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 We get along great! Love the same music, I can talk Beatles and other groups like I was there. High five! I love the Beatles! However, funny thing is that my OM can't stand them. But we both like old movies (black and white, musicals, etc.) Link to comment
ameeker Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Hi, sorry to distract from the little tiff going on here, but back to my original thread. Someone asked what do I want from this board. Actually what I am looking for from this board is someone like Crazyaboutdogs who can ask the right questions to help me figure out if dating an OM is the best thing for me. I prefer answering questions on a forum because it gives me structure. And so... Link to comment
ManAbout Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Hi, sorry to distract from the little tiff going on here, but back to my original thread. Someone asked what do I want from this board. Actually what I am looking for from this board is someone like Crazyaboutdogs who can ask the right questions to help me figure out if dating an OM is the best thing for me. I prefer answering questions on a forum because it gives me structure. And so... Considering the mocking tone of the questions, I am surprised you dignified them with a detailed response. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I've had a couple serious relationships with men older than me. They were great guys but when I was 36 and oneof them was 64, the sex stopped. The other guy found a woman closer to his own age who he had more in common with. Now th second scenario could happen to a couple of any age, But....would you be willing to give up sex at a younger age than your friends? If so, go for it! I'm not saying it will happen soon, but he will be unable to have sex a long time before you are ready to quit having it. If you guys can work around that, be my guest. No one has the right to deny you happiness if this man does it for you. Link to comment
ameeker Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Oh, the sex is not a problem Link to comment
Excalibur Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 It worked for Anna Nicole - kinda...... Link to comment
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