How to get past a string of bad relationships

[Anotherday]

I'm sort of stuck here. I'm at the point where I am not interested in going out with anyone, but I would like to get past what's gone on in the last nine months.

 

I ended (or it ended) an abusive relationship last September. I've never been the kind to go from one guy to the next but this is what happened. There were three in a row and all of short duration following the breakup with the abusive person and I'm afraid they knocked the wind out of me. I've gained 25 lbs through all this and am not happy about it.

 

So...how to get back on track...? The first thing I have to do is to lose the weight I put on. My MO is heartbreak > gain 20 lbs > be alone until I recover > lose the weight > rinse and repeat.

 

At any rate, I don't want to be alone forever, but I am so gun shy that I just hide in my house now. I know this isn't healthy for me but I find myself just not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. I've signed up for some meetups just to get out, but I always end up not going at the last minute. I'm an introvert by nature and I don't want to do the link removed sort of stuff, but at some point I know I will have to put myself out there. BTW, I am 39 and holding (if you know what I mean) so it's not like there are too many fish in the sea and I'm not getting any younger. Any advice? Thanks.

[audrey28]

thank you for sharing.

 

i just got out of a relationship and started sleeping with a new guy. it was ok at first but now i am feeling the loneliness and emptiness. honestly, i feel like a * * * * .

 

anyway i am going to the 12-step program of codependent anonymous. i am not sure if this applies to you but it may be worth a try. the basic rationale is, we get into the same patterns of codependent behavior because we have low self-esteem and try to get our sense of worth from others- which, of course, doesn't work.

 

i am not in a better place than anyone to give advice, obviously, but i thought i might share. it seems we are both looking for other people to fulfill some of our unmet needs.

[riley123]

Hey Anotherday,

 

Obviously, it sounds like you have not completely recovered from your last relationship in September, and the fear of getting hurt again (maybe both physically and emotionally) is holding you back from getting yourself back out there. Have you talked to a therapist about this?

 

Baggage from previous relationships is something that everyone carries around with them. The woman I thought I was going to marry broke my heart this year, and even though I’m dating again I recently realized that I haven’t opened myself up at all to any of them, and I don’t like that.

 

The only advice anyone can give you is that you need to make the change. Nobody is going to lose the weight for you, nobody is going to force you to go to meetup groups, and nobody can make you happy – only you can do it. And of course you can do it!

 

And there are plenty of fish in the sea. My boss just turned 50 and is getting married for the first time in just a few weeks. Love is absolutely possible at any age.

 

You’ll be ok. You’ve done it before and you can do it now.

 

Good luck!